Dance of the Clouds

[The Instrumental Light]

Hello, this is one of my original works, please comment and critique! EDIT:Link removed. New link below.

[Nec5]

Is this finished? I think it's missing a hook. Here's my amateurish amateur rundown:

0-:16'= Well, the piano and the backing effects works as an opener. The piano comes off as a bit flat, but maybe that's just me. The flute or whatever that is in the background is nice.

:17'= The silence here as a transition doesn't really work. The opening material is too sparse for a complete pause separation. I'd recommend blending in the opening 16 seconds or so with the more energetic stuff from :18'.

:18- If you can change up the piano a bit, either by getting a new sample or replacing it with a wind flute for while, do so.

:38'= Again, using a pause as a transition doesn't quite work. The piece uses this pause transition quite a bit. Use these pauses sparingly.

1:23'= That flute in the background adds some nice feeling, but I'm thinking we've heard all this before. Add a new segment to the song, maybe some light drums or a synth.

1:33'= The doubling and tripling of the piano gets a bit painful here. Some humanizing and or instrument substitution is necessary.

Well, I'm thinking the transitions need an overhaul. The piano can be tweaked a bit. However, some strings or another instrument layered into the midsection of the song would really add some atmosphere. As things stand, the tune is a bit flat. As for the piano, try using some reverb and echoing effects. It seems a bit off to me, but I'm no musician. Keep at it. Pm me if you need more feedback because your song is ignored.

Edit: I just realized that this is another overly negative WIP comment from me. Actually, the song wasn't all that bad. When songs are really in need of an overhaul, I just contribute a few sentences. I only do a rundown on songs that are on the right track. So there's something positive that's not BS. Keep at it.

[The Instrumental Light]

Actually, its meant to be a finished work. And thx for the critique, i just wanted to have some feedback on it before i release it.

[The Instrumental Light]

New (permanent) link:http://DreamCreatorStudios.googlepages.com/media

[Hsia Nu]

Sounds good i like it a lot, the piano sounds very stiff though. go through and edit the notes so it flows a little better. great track.

[The Instrumental Light]

thanks. By the way, if you (or anybody else) have any more posts about my songs post here:http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=11715