*NO* Super Mario Galaxy 'Gusty Garden (Starlit Temple Mix)'

[Liontamer]

Contact Info:
Remixer Name: Blue.Nocturne
Real Name: Dennis Kim
Email Address: blue_nctrn@yahoo.com
User Id: 22091

Submission Information:
Remix Title: Gusty Garden (Starlit Temple Remix)
Link to Remix:
Name of game arranged: Super Mario Galaxy
Name of songs arranged: Gusty Garden (Also known as Wind Garden), parts of Starbit Festival
Additional Info: Originally composed by Mahito Yokota, played by the Mario Galaxy Orchestra
Produced for the Nintendo Wii, Released 11/12/07 in US
Link to Original Songs: Gusty Garden - http://youtube.com/watch?v=pqBfsdGrn8s
Starbit Festival - http://youtube.com/watch?v=lmdGds--ddc
Additional Comments: "I'm fairly new to OCR, I was sort of recruited by Abadoss through the CMC's he posted on the VGMusic forums. I used to submit quite a bit of midis, Gusty Garden being one of them, but nowadays I find myself gearing more toward Mp3 work. This remix was made using FL Studio and Garritan Personal Orchestra, as well as the SGM soundfont. My inspiration for this song is actually the posted Gusty Garden Orchestration video. I really felt the energy and intensity of the song, so I felt it would make a great remix. Of course, since the original was extremely well done, it was a lot of pressure trying to come up with a remix that does justice to the piece. I actually had to make two attempts with this song, this specific submission is the second attempt, and my first attempt was scrapped. Since the original was extremely vibrant, I felt the only way my remix will stand a chance if it is soothing, rather than being powerful. The original was fully orchestrated; my remix is instead string, woodwind, and percussion focused. Some parts are a little unrealistic orchestra-wise, but usually it is to make it feel more like a temple or to add more atmosphere. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it."

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Super Mario Galaxy Original Soundtrack Platinum Version - (117) "Wind Garden" & (102) "Starbit Festival"

Strange opening; quickly took a weird turn at :03 compared to how it opened. Rather odd minor-key intro before things picked up at :16. Moved over reasonably well into "Wing Garden" at :32 though. Kind of a Mario 64 meets orchestral mood to it.

The changeup at 1:38 was extremely awkward, but the writing to move out of that into the "Wind Garden" chorus at 1:44 was good.

The drum buildup from 2:59-3:12 also felt strange, but that was because the timing was a little too perfect-sounding, despite the good effects used on the samples. The track just...ends at 3:29. Can't say that was much of a resolution. Ended up cutting the legs out from under the finish.

I liked the arrangement taking things into a minor key. Threw me for a loop on the first listen, but sounded a lot more coherent afterwards.

CHz felt the leads didn't stand out enough vs. the other sounds, but I thought they cut through enough and had enough presence; didn't mind it at all, but it was a reasonable enough criticism. The sound quality was fairly solid.

The writing choices for the opening, middle transition at 1:38 and ending seemed to really throw things for a loop. I can look past the first two, but the lack of ending just isn't sitting right. My decision really hearkens back to ye olden days when I joined the panel 4 years ago, one that almost never comes up nowadays. That is to say, you just need to write a proper ending, then it'll be good to go. The other transitional issues aren't really enough to kill this off, but if you wanted to smooth those out too, that would be great.

Otherwise, don't be discouraged if this doesn't make it, Dennis. Your sound/production is fairly solid, and your arrangement ideas are fairly strong. You'll get something passed down the line. it may even be this one, so we'll see what the other Js say.

NO (fix the ending/refine/resubmit)

[CHz]

0:32-1:38 and 1:52-3:12 are reasonably okay takes on the Gusty Garden theme. The piano volume in the first part isn't so soft that it can't be heard, but the countermelodies are both louder than it, and I think just a small boost to bring it over the top would be great. The woodwind lead that comes it at 1:05 could stand out a bit more against the percussion and strings. The rest of the sound quality in those parts was good enough.

Which brings me to the other parts, and the transitions between them. I don't have a problem at 0:03 with the intro like Larry does, but I do with 0:16, which seems out of the blue. The balance in that section seems a bit off: the drums overpower everything else and the strings are way in the back. The string sample is kind of weak also. That section from 0:16 to 0:32 sounds like it's building into something, but then all of a sudden there's this soft piano playing a melody, so all the motion seems wasted.

The short section at 1:38 is really awkward in comparison with what came before, and after fourteen seconds you've moved onto something else without developing it, so it screws with the flow and majorly sticks out. The drums starting at 3:00 really don't do anything to help the abrupt transition at 3:12, and then the track just dies at 3:29 without feeling concluded, again a flow problem. All of a sudden we've got something new, and then just as soon as it came in it's over.

This is really good for a first sub, but the structural problems are holding it too far back. There are some good arrangement ideas, but the overall execution is just not clicking. The production is pretty good overall; I'd love if you'd fix some of the things I mentioned, but they're not dealbreakers.

NO (resubmit)

[anosou]

Okay, so the minor key arpeggios at 00.12-00.16 are really off, like Larry said. I'm not that good a music theory-wiz (yet!) but it sounds very strange like that. I also agree with CHz that the piano lead was a bit too soft. Just a little push would bring it to the front and really help it stand out. I didn't find the transition into this part is a problem at all, rather the oppossite. I think it works well and as a surprise for the listener. I also think the transition into the 1:38 part was pretty okay. The part in itself sounds a bit strange compared to what came before, I agree, but it sounds very intentional and doesn't disrupt as much as it creates a personal flavor. It would probably sound better with not only chromatic movement in chords though.

the high piano at 2.25 is a bit too high. It exposes the sample in a bad way. If you played it one octave down it would sound so much better imo.
The drums at 3.00 seems out of place, mainly because they also seem quite "out of tune" and too dark for the rest of the mix. A snare drum would've worked a lot better. The ending leaves a lot too be desired too, a real crescendo at 3.00 and a bombastic finish with a real you know.. ending, would make this track shine. Make use of cymbals and brass. They work well to give that 'great' feeling.

The rest of the arrangement is absolutely good enough and the instrumentation is in general very pleasing. The mood is also close to the general mood of the game which for me is a good thing. Production is also pretty damn good, everything's clean and except for the balance issues CHz mentioned (that to me is pretty minor, but still issues) I have nothing to complain about.

My main concern is, like Larry's, the ending. After really thinking this through I think it's too big of a concern for a yes or even a conditional yes. With this, I really hope you'll work on the issues we pointed out but most of all write a new ending. This would make a great addition to OCR and I'm looking forward to giving it a big, size 7 HELL YES.

NO (resubmit/rewrite ending)