Hale-Bopp feat. Me - Ode to Medical Student (Mercury Meltdown Arrangement)

[SwordBreaker]

The Source Tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29pvW0viuhk&feature=related



http://hale.voidaudio.net/music/vocr3/vocr3_ode.mp3
The Remix (thanks to Hale-Bopp for continuing to host it)

http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=17574
VOCR3 Competition Thread

Yup, this vocal compo was held awhile back. Obviously, Hale-Bopp is responsible for the track itself while I and several others did our best to fit in vocals. In other words, I wrote the lyrics, worked on the vocal mixing/production, created the melodies/harmonies, and sang my heart out.

While my entry is more suited for Overlooked Remix, I've decided to share it with you all. Hale by default has done an excellent job with the track, so I don't think that anyone will have problems with his work. It would be nice to hear everyone's praises Hale in this thread nonetheless. Curious to hear thoughts on the singing and lyrics, though. I've gotten some feedback from the compo but I'd like to hear more from you guys if possible.

I've had a lot of fun and experience with this compo either way.

Lyrics are inspired by my life as a medical student. I've just increased the emotion and expression ten fold. :P

Don't forget to check out the competition thread for the other awesome entries! You won't be disappointed!

Lyrics:

Intro (Spoken)
Woo…Been awhile since I’ve been on stage
Nonetheless, let’s show ‘em how it’s done boys
VOCR style!

Verse 1
Getting knocked down everyday
Having doubts I think I may
Give up…and just drop dead
Being told I’m no good
I just dunno…I think I should
Kill myself…by eating lead

Chorus
Waiting for this shit to fall
Is careless…it’s your own fault
Take the lead and climb that wall
Don’t stumble…just open that vault!

Arabic Verse
الليلة ليلتي الله يخليك يا أبتي
عاشني عاشني فنان
السنة سنتي ادعيلي ياجدتي
عاشني أبغى انجح

Translation:
Tonight’s my night…for God’s sake, dad
Because…because I’m the best!
This year’s my year…pray for me, grandma
Because…I want to pass!

Verse 2
Friends say I’m way behind
Maybe somehow I can rewind
Great Scott…1.21 gigawatts
Oh God I’m losing it
Blowing out all candles lit
Can’t breath...can’t connect the dots

Chorus
Waiting for this shit to fall
Is careless…it’s your own fault
Take the lead and climb that wall
Don’t stumble…just open that vault!
(Take it away, Dave!) [Note: David is Hale’s real name.]

Guitar Solo

Chorus
Waiting for this shit to fall
Is careless…it’s your own fault
Take the lead and climb that wall
Don’t stumble…just open that vault!

Finale
Goodnight OCRemix!

[SubNormal J3]

Those OCR intros are pretty funny.
There's a crack at the beginning
Tone is often off on the vocals
:45 is a nice chorus
:54 is an odd stereo effect
Nice Guitar work
1:25 vocals are awkward
1:48 same here
Nice guitar solo
2:19 watch tone.

This might belong on OLR
but with some more work it could pass here.

-J3

[SwordBreaker]

Those OCR intros are pretty funny.
There's a crack at the beginning
Tone is often off on the vocals
:45 is a nice chorus
:54 is an odd stereo effect
Nice Guitar work
1:25 vocals are awkward
1:48 same here
Nice guitar solo
2:19 watch tone.

This might belong on OLR
but with some more work it could pass here.

-J3

Thanks for the comments. You definitely echoed some of the criticism I've gotten from the competition.

About that odd stereo effect, that was basically an experiment that didn't work, which is why it sounds really awkward.

Thanks for noting the tone. Didn't get a lot of comments on the quality of my voice. All I got was that I sound like a confident singer.

Glad you found the intro to be funny. You really think this is OCR-worthy, though? Vocals included?

[KyleJCrb]

Haha, nice. Submit this to OLR (http://www.olremix.org). They'll eat it right up.

Out of curiosity, would you still happen to have the base track? Because it's pretty sweet.

[SubNormal J3]

You really think this is OCR-worthy, though? Vocals included?Well. It's hard to tell. OCR has raised the bar a lot on what they'll allow especially since there are other sites out there now like OLR, VGMix, and TheSauce. (You should definitely submit it to OLR, btw.) At least back in 2000 this awesome, and hilarious, Zelda remix was accepted on OCR. http://www.ocremix.org/remix/OCR00022/ (http://www.ocremix.org/forums/../remix/OCR00022/)

I would ask someone with more experience before or if you submit it. I'm not very sure about how the judges judge entries. You might be right not to, like you said.
Still sounded good.
-J3

[Kizyr]

The melody, arrangement, quality, etc., isn't really my thing, so I won't comment on that (other folks here can give you better feedback on that anyway). But, the lyrics are great. The only reason I like them, though, is from knowing a lot of folks in med school (and, of course, a lot of folks who could relate). While they're not esoteric, I don't think they'd have as much appeal to someone unfamiliar with med school or grad school life. KF

[SwordBreaker]

Haha, nice. Submit this to OLR (http://www.olremix.org). They'll eat it right up.

Out of curiosity, would you still happen to have the base track? Because it's pretty sweet.

Wish I did. I'll try to reach Hale and see if he can give it to us again. The competition thread had a link to the instrumental before.

@J3

We'll see how this goes. I'm not too hopeful on anything, but it wouldn't hurt if I try to submit for laughs. Still need to get Hale's approval of course. The thing is, I wish I can improve it ASAP...but I don't have my compo work anymore. I'll have to re-record everything from square one, which is a huge undertaking for me right now. I do know of that infamous Zelda track you linked and another one by Shael Riley titled "The Music of My Groin". Those are still the quirkiest tracks of OCR, and we haven't seen much of those recently.

@Kizyr

"Isn't your thing" is a comment that has been echoed in the previous feedback as well. It's too quirky for your tastes perhaps. I don't mind you telling me anything constructive if you want to. I'm really glad you can relate to the lyrics, though. Hope your med school friends feel the same way. :P

[SubNormal J3]

Keep us posted on how it goes.

[Rozovian]

Eek. Voice is thin... actually, the whole track feels thin. Voice could be tighter, too. Voice also sounds a little too loud, compared to the rest of the track. Okay, that's three crits for the voice, I'll shut up about the voice now.

I don't want to hear this again, it's embarassingly silly, which is too much for my tastes. It's even silly in a non-professional sound kind'a way. More weight, better mixing would probably help, but I think you'd need to deal with the voice issues.

OLR sounds like a good place for it.

[SwordBreaker]

Eek. Voice is thin... actually, the whole track feels thin. Voice could be tighter, too. Voice also sounds a little too loud, compared to the rest of the track. Okay, that's three crits for the voice, I'll shut up about the voice now.

I don't want to hear this again, it's embarassingly silly, which is too much for my tastes. It's even silly in a non-professional sound kind'a way. More weight, better mixing would probably help, but I think you'd need to deal with the voice issues.

OLR sounds like a good place for it.

Yeah, it's not for everyone as I've mentioned before.

Good thing you mentioned those points against the voice. Yeah, I have to admit that the voice sounds dry...I haven't figured out how to mix the vocals into the track perfectly yet. Maybe I need a better sound input to make the voice sound better...everyone has been recommending USB mics so I'd like to try those out. You're the first to mention that it's too loud compared to the track...I've experimented a lot and I still need to find the right balance between the vocals and the track...I wanted to be safe and make it sound a bit higher so that nothing gets drained from the guitars.

Performance-wise, it's not the best in the world as well...still trying to get comfortable with singing.

[SwordBreaker]

Just got a reply from Hale that he's not interesting in submitting for the time being. So this'll most likely stay here just for feedback. I also asked him to link the instrumental version for us as soon as he can...so be on the lookout in this thread.

Thanks for the comments so far, people. Keep 'em coming.

[Kizyr]

@Kizyr

"Isn't your thing" is a comment that has been echoed in the previous feedback as well. It's too quirky for your tastes perhaps. I don't mind you telling me anything constructive if you want to. I'm really glad you can relate to the lyrics, though. Hope your med school friends feel the same way. :P

I wouldn't want you to take it the wrong way when I say it isn't my thing. I just mean that although I don't really like it, there isn't any specific reason why, and so I can't chalk it up to anything beyond simple taste. I'm not sure if it's the quirkiness or not that's the cause, since there are some weird songs on OCR that I still enjoy.

However, I can see where some of the other comments re: quality (Rozovian, especially) come in. If those were cleared up, then I might be able to give this a more critical listen.

Even if you or Hale don't aim to have this submitted eventually, I wouldn't mind seeing more work along this angle. I do have a bit of a bias towards vocal tracks. KF

[SwordBreaker]

@Kizyr

None taken. Constructive criticism is great stuff. :)

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone. This'll most likely stay in the WIP vault for now.