[jordanrooben]

I just added a new version.
http://soundcloud.com/jordanrooben/kystal-lullaby-4
It's got a lot of new stuff.

[jordanrooben]

I think this might have a shot at getting accepted, or at least a repost decision, so I'm putting this on mod review before I submit it.

[Elder Kirby]

That crash at 0:54 is far too sharp, try putting it a bit more in the background and maybe pan it to one side.

At 2:02, the bell gives off some sort of weird resonance.

Very solid mix though!

[Rozovian]

Found it.

Bizarre scale conflict at 0:26 and 0:39. Sound is ok so far. Crash destroyed by compression, probably due to runaway lows. High-pass everything that doesn't need subbass.

Xylophone and reverb, the age-old struggle with making them sound real. This doesn't.

2:01 weird scale again.

Weird arrangement: driving part, breakdown, short driving aprt, breakdown, long breakdown, pause, stuff with big drums in the background... The first two minutes work ok imo, but then it becomes breakdown upon breakdown. If I wasn't seeing the track structure in the soundcloud player, I'd assume the track was ending after those two minutes, but there's almost two minutes more. yes you can have long, soft parts. Yes, not everything has to end with a bang. No, your arrangement still doesn't work. You lost direction after two minutes and spent the rest of the time trying to end the track. I know that feeling, that's how a lot of my tracks are written... but you have to make them work. The new melodies in the ending don't have any connection to the previous stuff, so you could cut those. Ending it at 3:21 might work, those last melodies don't contribute anything that's worth the extra half minute.

PRODUCTION
- Unrealistic sequencing - there's humanization, but there could be more. think like an orchestra conductor
- Overcompressed (pumping/no dynamics) - okay, only one instance of this

STRUCTURE
- Lacks coherence overall (no "flow") - really loses direction half way through
- Pace too plodding - too long without knowing where to go and it feels like this

In other words, a few technical issues, a few writing issues, main problem is the arrangement itself. You can keep the first two minutes pretty much as-is, structurally, but everything beyond that seem to be random ideas for breakdowns. Pick one, then end the track. Or write something else there. Find a direction and go for it. It's ok to make a short track, and if the direction you go takes a few minutes to finish, that's cool too. Just make it sound deliberate and directed.

It's otherwise pretty good. You've gotten a lot better since last time I heard one of your tracks. Keep it up. :D

[jordanrooben]

Alright, new version ready. Enjoy!
http://soundcloud.com/jordanrooben/kystal-lullaby-7

[Elder Kirby]

There's still a lot of scale clashing going on around 0:27-0:57, unless you're doing that intentionally (considering Rozo pointed it out).

That xylophone/bell stays around for much too long, it becomes distracting after 1:10 or so. Maybe lower it after that, or fade it out?

Another thing: The intro seems lacking, it doesn't seem to grab my attention much, but I guess that's just a personal preference. Maybe throw some stylistic pauses in there?

I like how nicely you make the ending wrap up, though.

I think if you could make the intro more interesting, your mix would work

[jordanrooben]

Alright guys, this last update was tough! I don't know if it's OCRemix quality, but I'm pretty burnt out with this track.

Did I fix the scale clash issues? I can't tell.
Is the arrangement good now?

Anyway, depending on how you guys like this new version, I'll do one final mod review or submit it as is, if it has a shot at getting accepted.



Here's the link:
http://soundcloud.com/jordanrooben/k...-final-version