[Nintendo DS]

Time Ace is a good StarFox clone. And only $20 too.

[Looking for a PC game from the 90s (don't know the name)]

Logical Journey of the Zoombinis.

Wow.

That really sounds like a fake name. But it's not. o_O

[Nintendo DS]

I'd like to Emphasize something:

I have an R4 (Revolution for DS). It is Awesome.

That is all.

Not really...

I used to not care much about homebrew software besides moonshell (for pictures, mp3s, movies). I still don't.

But I found two programs that I actually like to use:

Phidias (<-link) and DSOrganize (<-link).

Phidias is a drawing program that's pretty fun to use. It's got just enough functions to let you create a masterpiece or two.

Behold:

So awesome.

You can even create custom brushes. It doesn't fix your suckiness, though. And the phidias.nds file size is 666kB, so, congratulations, you found the Pope's ds drawing program.

DSOrganize is a digital swiss army knife that has a Calendar, Day Planner, Address book, Todo list, scribble pad, file browser (now you can change filenames and copy and mess sh!t up just like you wanted), scientific calculator, IRC kjigger, and web browser(text only). Also, you can download ds demos and keep 'em without worrying about the power shutoff.

Speaking of drawing stuff, Drawn to Life looks interesting. It reminds me of Graffiti Kingdom. You get to draw your own character, and parts of the environment. I imagine that there will be a lot of people will have Phallusmen riding Wangships through the Testiclouds.

It looks like it will be similar to Graffiti kingdom in that it will be too short and easy, and more time will be spent drawing stuff than playing the rest of the game. But it should be fun.

I'm annoyed that Dragon Quest 9 is going to be a turn-based game now. I never enjoyed the previous DQ games, but I was hoping for a good long action RPG when I heard about the change for IX. The multiplayer portion sounds especially whack.

At least Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates still looks like it's on track to be great.

[Nintendo DS]

I snuck up behind you; I am wearing a freaky mask. I go to pull out my knife and you wet yourself. Oh, wait. It's just a plate of reviewburgers of some excellent Japanese DS games. You naively begin eating only to find the burgers to be laced with insanity and insomnia. I am error. Theme Music Start

Jet Impulse is awesome. Seriously. It's just like Ace Combat, but maybe better.

This game is not made by Namco, but I bet Namco couldn't have made a better flight game for DS. The graphics are excellent and the missions are fun. There's plenty of different weapons to buy. It has 24 different jets plus crazy downloadable fighters; the designs are pretty wild, like a UFO or something looking like a car turned into a stealth fighter with a lazer, for example.

The game also has lots of voice acting and FMV, and it's nice that there are lots of menu buttons in english (and engrish). There's supposedly online battling to be done, but as only about 3 and 1/3 people must've bought the game I have yet to connect to anyone (damnable Nintendo online barhbawifiogfrajkd). The only other problem with the game is that slowdown occasionally occurs. But I don't mind since it just allows for some incredible Jedi Matrix Newtype Bullet Time stuff to be pulled off. Continuing with that tangent, I noticed that some plot elements seem to be jacked straight out of the original Gundam anime. Black Orion Stars? The enemy Crimson ace who keeps getting better machines in the same color schemes and is related to a close friend of the main character? Ryu dies? Space Nazis? Chewie's his sister? Snape kills Dumbl- uh I think I got confused. The story is pretty easy to follow even without knowing Japanese. I hope this game comes to the U.S. intact or better (but in English). I can't help but think of what happened to Ace Combat 3. Anywho (ain' I just HIlarious), this is definitely one of the top 5 games on DS.

Score: 10 out of 10 -- Buy it or go to Heck. Maybe Hell.

Dear Santa,

Another awesome game I played is Tank Beat. The game has tanks and cool music, so the title is totally not trying to trick you into buying a game about abusing your aquarium.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgjLd_g3KB8

It's an action game where you control your tank like it's a real-time strategy game. It works well, but it could have been done in a less asinine manner. The game still kicks ass, though. I heard the game was coming to the U.S. in March. But then it said May. Does this kind of thing happen a lot? Oh well. Just watch the video cuz that aquarium joke took a lot out of me.

Score: 8 bad jokes out of 10

P.S. The cookies were poisoned. Or maybe not. Actually, they were. Sorry.

P.P.S. Thanks for the pony. It was delicious.

And one more thing. Chou Soujuu Mecha MG.

The title of this game loosely translates to "Great Ballbusting Marionettes from Hell, That Silly Hirohito Is Back Went Back in Time to Conquer Za Warudo WRyyyyyyy Robotto. ¿Mucho Gusto."

I don't know if it will come to the U.S. I do know that it is based on the principle that picking up buildings with a giant robot and punting them is fun. Other than moving your unholy marionettes around with the d-pad, you use the awesome touch screen controls to control everything. Wow I write good. Swiping the stylus from side to side to to slash with a sword or flail the robot arms is great. You really get a rumbling giant robot battle vibe from the giant footfalls and ridiculously violent satisfying bouncing explosions of enemy robots. There are a lot of different robots to use, some with the ability to transform, and some that may look like Mr. Peanut or a windmill. In some of the missions you are given, rather than kill robots you have to destroy buildings or race a snailbot or, and this may be blasphemy, simply place rocks in a set area or remove them within a time limit. I have nothing else to say except: defenestration.

Score: 8 broken touchscreens and windows out of 10

And one MORE thing. Maybe two.

Hiite Utaeru Guitar M-06

A "non-game" where you play the guitar. You can only play chords, but the samples are good and you can strum up AND down (DAAAMN) or do a half strum thing. I dunno. Not being able to play single notes definitely makes it a non-buy for me. It'll come to Not Japan later this year.

I also played Heroes of Mana. It's an RTS with resource gathering rabites and a flying base ship that generates loyal stupid monsters from resources gathered by slowly murdering trees and rocks that have faces. Standard stuff. Your troops like to take roundabout paths to where you guide them, politely giving as many out of the way enemies as possible the chance to attack. Whatever. I hope Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Ring of Fates Failure to Alliterate on the Sub-subtitle YOU LOSE GOOD DAY SIR is good. Whenever the hell that comes out.

And with the last of my dignity and coherence gone I bid you suffering in the spirit of Schadenfreude. สมน้ำหน้า

[Nintendo DS]

What you're saying is, you can't go back?

Precisely.

FF12 is a Black man.

[Nintendo DS]

I got Children of Mana yesterday, and I like it. I've been getting into portable dungeon hacks lately: Deep Labyrinth, Shining Soul II, CoM, umm... Castlevanias, yeah, good stuff.

But like others have said: CoM's NOT like SoM. So, that's the FYI so people should STFU about INBLTOMG and JFEI and kblrtflgzzzzzzzzzzzz....

In other news: Dead 'n' Furious

First I've heard of it.

"With your stylus or your finger, you will recreate all the sensations of an arcade gun-shooter: different weapons, zombies, a mysterious story ..."

I know that I sure am pissed when I'm dead, so I don't blame those zombies.

[Nintendo DS]

Now what's the deal with Touch Detective?

The main character is followed around by this?

LOL.

What's the deal? It's going to be a super awesome touch-based adventure game with a wicked sweet localization and very funny moments. BUY IT.

That's exactly the point I was making, with the funny picture and the LOL. I already knew what the deal was. BUY IT.

Creepy little girl with vampire butler and fungus man in a town of skeleton people. I'm looking forward to that phunny phshit, thank you very much mr. phthsihsitszzlewhatsit.

[Nintendo DS]

Pictochat is good fun. Once my brother and I were wathing television in two separate rooms in the house and we used our DSs to see who could draw the coolest or funniest pictures of the characters on TV. Random stupid good fun pictochat time go.

I finished Freedom Wings and still think that it is a great game. It takes 5-7 hours to finish (or more if you try to do/get everything), doesn't have much of a storyline, and your plane doesn't crash unless you're already dead anyway. But it's still a damn good game, unpolished budget title or not. The only professional review that I've read where the reviewer actually played the game for more than 10 minutes seems to be the Gamespot review.

StarFox Command... I like it . I always wanted them to remake Starfox 2 and this is probably as close as we'll ever get. It's interesting to note how many of the "new" things in Command aren't new to the series at all.

Sure, it's not too hard. But neither is Starfox 64.

Starfox 64 is still the best in the series, though.

Now what's the deal with Touch Detective?

The main character is followed around by this?

LOL.

[Nintendo DS]

Get FREEDOM WINGS, bitches!

If you need a flight game for DS, get it. And by get it I mean buy it. It's a combination of flight sim and action rpg and the controls are excellent. Only $20, too.

Tell your parents, "Buy me Freedom Wings or go to Hell!"

That is all.

Could you elaborate? I was kind of interested in it, but it's not getting very good review scores, and I'd like a hands-on impression from someone.

I just got the game yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised. I've played for about two hours, mostly just flying around busting up random enemies.

You have two options for controlling your plane: "AI mode" and manual mode; you can switch at any time. In AI mode you basically let your plane do the fighting and flying while you tell it where to go/who to kill using the touch screen. You also control the general altitude and speed using sliders on either side of the touch screen. AI mode is nice to use against weaker enemies because the targeting is accurate but your plane doesn't seem to want to turn very fast, so you should take an active role. The other option is manual mode. Manual mode is regular flight-sim style controls; d-pad works like a joystick, L and R buttons the are rudder, and you still use the touch screen for throttle. The buttons are for guns, radar, and targeting. Landing at a runway is simple and forgiving as long as you have even the slightest idea of how a plane lands . Manual mode is generally best, as it is more fun and necessary to beat stronger opponents.

You have a buch of choices for upgrading your plane's stats (speed, weight, maneuvering, armor, power) as you level up. You level up in a fashon similar to (exactly like) rpgs. Kill enemies, get experience based on their levels, and get money, too. You buy better weapons and armor with your money.

When you take off and start flying around, air pirates will randomly show up and you'll want to kill them. Once, a short time after taking off there was a cargo plane that was under attack; I saved it, and when I landed and went to the cafe (you go to the cafe to get information from various dirty-looking people). He rewarded me with some money. I talked to another even dirtier-looking guy and he gave me information about a pirate airfield. I decided to head for the airfield and I also decided to use AI mode. Along the way my plane made short work of bad guys at lower levels, but when I got to the target, the AI had a long dogfight with a high level enemy and then got shot down by the heavy fire from the enemy zeppelin. I'll try manual mode next time.

You can fly wherever you want, but you'll want to stay away from areas with high level enemies. Flying from one area to another can take awhile; the game area seems huge. The graphics in the game are excellent for the planes, with spinning propellers and visible pilots. The terrain looks good from the air but some of the textures (mostly the ones for cities) can be pretty bad up close. The music is not spectacular, but it fits the game perfectly.

There is only one save file, and you lose half of your money that you gained when you are shot down. I haven't played multiplayer.

Umm... that's it so far. I haven't really gotten into the story yet, but I don't care if there is much of one because I am enjoying the gameplay so far.

[Nintendo DS]

Get FREEDOM WINGS, bitches!

If you need a flight game for DS, get it. And by get it I mean buy it. It's a combination of flight sim and action rpg and the controls are excellent. Only $20, too.

Tell your parents, "Buy me Freedom Wings or go to Hell!"

That is all.

[All Time Hardest Boss]

In general, I don't think you can discuss difficult bosses until you've played the SaGa series.

Dude, Fook bosses...I died to very first encounter in Saga Frontier 2.

There are a few games where this has happened...The Aforementioned Takeshi no Chousenjou and Saga 2, and something else with escapes me at the moment...

Oh, the first enemy in Sonic Advance when playing with Amy...

Saga Frontier 2? Ha. You call that hard? I laugh heartily at you, sucka.

I am the hardest boss.

You have a drinking problem, don't I?