[OCR01350 - Sonic the Hedgehog 3 "Memories Frozen in Time"]

Overall, quite smooth.

I noticed that at the end of many strings of sentences you are out of breath. Then I realized that it wasn't that you ran out of breath, but because you had so little room in between lines that you have seem to cut short on one line so you can get the air for the next... like 1'19, 1'35, 3'54. When you have that little space for breathing, look over the lyrics and see if you can cut down a syllable somewhere. You've gotta be able to breathe!

I like the lyrics, they make me feel like I know you!

One of the few things that I like about rap, which other genres are dreadfully lacking in, is that it gets a lot of the unusual rythmns that are found in poetry, like...

"I sit in my room

And listen to

Instrumentals and hope

That I'd make the rhyme

that makes people

Say he's official it

Just tickles me

A little"

..and...

"When I wanna

Grab someone

Stab someone

I just write a rap

And I'm back loving"

...but I wouldn't go with the "ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, Just Us, let's go". It doesn't fit with the rest of the song.

So in summary, I think your strong points are being smoove, and having good lyrics. And your weak points are just lacking in practice.

I really appreciate your opinion. As time goes by I'll be submitting more songs (produced by DCT ) and your feedback would be well appreciated. You're right about one thing if not everything you said, I did need more breath! I really had a lot on my mind when i wrote that, and if i could've went all day without breathing, I would've. I wanted it to be out, and most of all, to be heard. Thank u and feel free to e-mail me personally, and/or pm me here. Thanks, Life is Music!