Fist of the North Star English Lyrics

[MangaMan]

Hey Party Peeps, MangaMan here. I've been working on this one for a while now and I would love to get some opinions or comments on the lyrics for this classic anime song. Now I'm not fluent in Japanese, so what I did was look up 5 different translations of this song and use them to create my own translation that matches with the tempo of the song. The version below is my current draft of this piece. I have a bit of a rhyming scheme going on but I'll let you guys be the judges on it. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a link to the actual song:

And here's my translated lyrics

You’re a Shock. That the sky is falling, because of your love.

You’re a Shock. That my heart’s castcading, down the wing of a dove.

Even if they take my passionate heart and bind in chains,

The chains are useless now.

(I’ll take down the bastard that gets in my way with just one, Finger)

You’re a Shock. Heartbeats rise with love, like a beating drum

You’re a Shock, My heartbeat rises, to your beat of love

Drifting through these moments, my yearning soul that looks for you, is burning hot with passion.

Everything it touches will melt down and scatters it all away

Set off on a journey you left in sorrow

Saying your protecting our love

But you’ve lost sight, lost sight of tomorrow

I don’t want to have to see a face that’s forgotten, forgotten how to smile

Take back, Take back the Love!

You’re a Shock. That your piercing passion cut’s apart the night

You’re a Shock. You could take that passion and slash apart my night

Nobody on earth is strong enough to break apart

Our precious harmony

Holding your hand in mine, I will never again, let go

Set off on a journey you left in sorrow

Saying your protecting our love

But you’ve lost sight, lost sight of tomorrow

I don’t want to have to see a face that’s forgotten, forgotten how to smile

Take back, Take back the Love!