Original metal excerpt - mix feedback requested

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Hello.  I have uploaded a short excerpt from an original song which I am attempting to mix...

Link: test.mp3

Here's a slightly different version: test - ver 2.mp3

I plan on eventually having the full song done by a professional, but currently I would like to know if my mix is of an acceptable quality for demonstration/preview purposes.  Is there anything in particular that should be changed in terms of EQ or volume levels?  Does it sound noticeably amateurish?

All the instruments are programmed (including the guitars), since I'm a keyboard player and not a guitarist.  I used Toontrack's Meshuggah EZdrummer demos as reference mixes.

Edit:  I compared it to some more tracks.  I'm not really satisfied with the sound.  I think the tone of the guitar and drums could still be improved a lot.  Currently I am busy with another music-related project (not metal), but I may return to this later.

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