Hi,
I need to listen to your remix a few more times in conjunction with the ending track for Lufia II which I think you based this off of.
On first impressions, the thing that stood out for me was the lack of dynamics. Soft, loud and so forth.
I can't really comment as I do not know how you wanted this to turn out from just listening to it.
The reason why, probably, that this remix seems to lack 'life' as you put it is partly the lack of distinguishable dynamics but probably also the lack of direction. Even with pieces of music that don't tell some sort of story, there is always a sense of direction, change and resolution in and around the main theme.
I'll ask some questions which you can mull over if you are not entirely sure how you wanted this to be:
(1) One, two or more voices taking up the main theme?
(2) Question and answer, expectation and resolution.
(3) What is the theme/message?
I'll post more useful comments later once I've had a chance to really listen to it.
Cheers,
ZehpyrWind