Thanks for the feedback! I'm embarrassingly new to purely digital arranging and don't quite know how to work out all these newfangled things on Ableton, but I'll work some more on it. I think you guys are right about the melody, too. I thought I'd just play with the phrasing and it would carry some of the beauty that the original had, but it seems a bit bland.
kwix- I'll check your remix out and take notes!