Liontamer Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Still a little ways from being passable, but he's on the right track and needs feedback to continue moving in the right direction, IMO. This was enough of an improvement from the first version where I was willing to post it direct to panel rather than reject the resub. Hey Liontamer,I'd like to resubmit my Sonic Spinball remix "Toxic Sonic". I took all your feedback into consideration and made the following changes: - new bass sample - new sax sample - made piano part a bit more natural - added new piano intro - remastered everything - various other minor tweaks Contact info: - Name: Tom Voros (this was "PhantomSnake" before but I decided to go by my real name) - Real name: Tom Voros - Email address: phantomsnake@gmail.com - Userid: 28984 I hope you like it! Tom ------------------------------------------------------ Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=78366 http://www.zophar.net/gym/sonicspn_fixed.rar - "Toxic Caves" Piano intro seems OK. A little awkward at first, but it's fairly solid. Percussion coming in at :30 is fairly good; good sounds, and more importantly good writing at the outset. Seems like the piano velocities starting at :39 are really similar, but someone should confirm that. Most of the notes sound like they're at the same intensity. The sequencing there still sounds very rigid and mechanical, which is too bad. Every time you repeated the melodic stuff from :46-1:02, it sticks out. Spots like 2:20-2:42 show off some decent refinement, before going right back into mechanical mode. Sax sample at 1:02 still sounds bare and flimsy. And too fake. The solo on it at 3:17 just exposes the synthetic quality even more, even though the sample is an improvement. You need to do something with the production to give the sound there more depth/body; it's not filling out the soundfield. Short bit with the bass basically alone from 1:10 was decent. The sample is weak, but better than last time; you're making it work for you somewhat. Using some effects/processing to get a thicker/richer sound on it could help. Watch the percussion writing over time. You're throwing in a very nice amount of fills and subtle variation, but overall it's still too plodding at the core. Maybe it's just me, but the main beat pattern dragged out for a long time. 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, ad nauseum. Someone can explain that better, but that's the gist of it. Things still sound barren on the whole. You sound like you only have 2 or 3 elements going on at any particular time, and the bass and sax still need meat on them badly. I would think another supporting instrument/part would help fill this out, but you really wouldn't need to add anything if all of the existing material sounded richer. Arrangement is fairly solid, and the execution is improved substantially from the first time around. The ending at 4:11 is too sudden. Extend the last note or do something else in to let the ending trail off somehow. Use the Works: OC ReMixes and ReMixing forums to get more feedback from people before you attempt another resubmission, and to go for more info on refining the sax and bass samples you're using to achieve better tones. Please don't be discouraged, Tom. You show some great potential, and at this rate your work will gain the polish necessary to have it sounding its best. I look forward to hearing this sub or any other future submissions. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrayLightning Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Uh, you posted this in the public Judge Decisions forum as an announcement. Moved to the to the to-be-judged forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 Uh, you posted this in the public Judge Decisions forum as an announcement. Moved to the to the to-be-judged forum. Ha! I'm slippingz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vig Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 so clearly you've attempted to make the dynamics better, but it's still akward. the piano in particular now has clearly differentiated dynamics in certain spots, but it's quite uneven. The long lines are of completely constant velocity, and then almost as though to prove you know what velocity values are, you'll have a very quiet section and then have big loud piano stabs. eh. not natural. Musicians dont play consecutive notes at the same volume all the time. just a thought. the sax really bugs me. it's not the sample, it's the sequencing. velocity values, and also the solo is very unnatural. not particularly good part writing. i guess my original comment about the sequencing still applies. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrayLightning Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 This is definitely on the right track. I too still feel the instrumentation and sequencing is too rigid with really no humanization. Piano sounds nice, I'd add just a little more reverb on that. The sax is bland! This needs delay or reverb to give it some more interesting color, also it has no tail. I'd like to see some processing on that. Some parts of the mix feel really, really sparse. I'd like to hear more supporting instrumentation outside the piano. During the piano only sections (outside the middle parts which is fine) things sounded very vacant and one dimensional in my view. I thought the structure and pacing felt very repetitive though. It felt like I was listening to small sections over and over and over and over. Maybe I'm imagining things. Also the mix is still lacking dynamics for this genre it would help. It's like flatline all the way through. Great ideas and arrangement, keep working on the polish though. Borderline NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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