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I don't know where you're going with this, but it's interesting none the less. In my opinion, the heart beat is a bit intrusive and drowns out a beautiful piece (maybe it's just my monitors). I'm not precisely sure as to how you would deal with it since it seems intentional. Some ideas: you could either fade out the heartbeat after the beginning and bring it back in the end or you could represent a heart beat within the actual song with some sort of bass or percussion, but, as of now, it's not working for me. I think the ending is good but abrupt. The flat lining sound of an EKG monitor worked well with the abrupt ending so that makes it a pass in my book. I do commend the ambition (as I would consider myself an ambitious person also). As I digress, try to look at the low end of your mix. Looking past the heart beat, it seems to be lacking a lot of bass and definition in that area making the mix very flat. 

 

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