SilentKnight

maybe it's just me, but i tend to demand punchlines in every rap song that i listen to. i think your mic presence and recording could use some improvement as I had to kinda listen closely to actually understand what you were saying. the beat is semi-catchy, though to an extent a little repetitive. you had punchlines, just not very strong ones (or not the ones im looking for). maybe im just being picky or whatever but i felt that you could've put some more effort into crafting your punchlines. your lyrics dont lack creativity, it just sounds to me that there was a lot of untapped potential in terms of lyrical content. from the looks of things id say your flow is a little off at some parts, kinda like you rushed the last few syllables of a line. overall, not bad, and good work

@DCT: heh, no reason to hate on this song or the rapping. the beat is excellent, fits the mood of the song perfectly. the flow is excellent, i like the way you keep it consistent (has a kind of Talib Kweli feel to it) content was good, though i was hoping for more punchlines and stuff. bah, who gives a damn. concerning what Nobbynob Littlun said: your breath control isn't perfect, but i'd say it's good enough. cutting off your words to start the following line is common, i wouldn't worry about it. overall, you're not really out of breath per se, but you occasionally sound somewhat like you're gagging after you pull a multisyllable. once again, that's overlookable though. i wouldn't say you lack practice, as you sound like you've got the fundamentals down rather solidly. (just my two cents, i usaully try to set up a launcher so i can get a good dose of air before dropping a multisyllable/long line) take for example: "And even after I die, I'll serve you from the afterlife/ Spitting battle rhymes through EVP. I'm- (pause+deep breath) Indisible, invisible, invincible, indivisible/ Technically unrippable when spittin flows/" then again, occasionally it depends on the beat you're rapping to from what i hear, you seem to just dive straight into the multisyllable as part of your flow, which is cool, but like Nobbynob says: you need to breath. good mic presence. your voice sounds a bit laid-back and conversational, fits the whole story telling aspect of this song. lol @ "go to bed, quit writing rhymes and get some rest." i can relate don't know why but the rapping style reminds me of Nas and Talib Kweli kinda. btw Just Us, i saw that you won on BET's Freestyle Friday, so props with that and good luck with your upcoming battles. how's the competition? heh, wish i could battle... hell i wish i could at least collab for that matter.... heck, i wish i had a condensor mic and mixing board..... o well....someday.......

well the word nigga itself never really bothered me my main concern was with how they wrote and delivered the lyrics. once again, by cramming too much into one measure, it slightly made the rapping sound iffy. content-wise the lyrics were actually pretty good, at least better than mine when i first started rapping. but flow-wise, it would've sounded much better if they took the time, slowed down their delivery, and let the words flow more evenly with the beat. that minor detail was what kept this song from being an instant classic in my book.

hmmmm... to be honest, lyrically this wasn't really anything special, flame me on this if you want i kinda have to agree with some of the other reviews, a little bit of profanity here and there is fine. but i felt that this song was kinda overdoing it. nice attempt though the beat and instrumental however were pretty good in my opinion, so no complaints there. forgot to mention, your flow and delivery were kinda iffy. basically you're doing what I used to do when rapping, cramming too many words into one measure of music. At most I would suggest around twelve syllables of wording for each line, unless you're someone super fast like Twista. That way you won't have a semi-awkward slow then fast delivery.