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Thanks so much for the feedback, Hemophiliac! It takes time and experience to provide this level of critique and it's absolutely appreciated! This is my first foray into making music like this so I have lots to learn, and without these sort of comments, I'm not sure how anyone could get better. Thank you! I was too married to that drum line I decided, so I forked it and went in a different direction, for better or for worse. Also tried to be a little more intentional about the dynamics, but whether I went far enough is up to the listener. That and some other minor changes. I welcome any and all feedback! Updated version: