Chimpazilla Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) remixer: Hazama real name: Jeremy Flessing game: Tetrinet name of arrangement: 'The Tetrinet Is Down' When you've played thousands of hours of a game with a single song that loops after just a single minute, that theme is bound to resurface eventually. For me, I've found that for the last 17 years, one of those songs has been "The Dance of the Spheres", used as the Theme to 1997's TetriNET. Without even thinking about it, when I'm sitting at a piano or a keyboard, bits and pieces of it come out every now and again, and I finally decided to just make it official. Back in the early 2000's, I attempted to remix this a few different times in a few different styles, but much like the song itself, my versions all came out repetitive and short. Truthfully, the song came about by accident. I was trying to write an original piano epic, but my left hand found the chord progression for the song, and my right hand cordially obliged, slowly and in a minor tone, and 45 minutes later, the song was "finished"... or so I thought. Enter a year's worth of waiting in the queue. During this time, I hadn't touched what I originally wrote at all, though I did religiously watch the Judge's Panel for updates. My song never ended up getting to the submission phase, thanks to the glorious intervention of Chimpazilla, who challenged me to not only fix some of the mastering issues that plagued my original submission (and let's face it, ALL of my previous OCReMixes) but to also extend it and add original bits. I took her advice to heart, and over the next few hours turned to days turned to weeks turned to months, I slowly refined the song, while a series of personal family tragedies were playing out in my life... and added what is arguably the heart of the song itself. I'm incredibly grateful for her guidance, without it, the parts between 1:46 and 2:39 never would have existed. My last submission to OCReMix was over a decade ago. Although I've lacked direct communication with the community and the people, I've silently cheered from a distance every victory the site and the composers/remixers have had. I can only hope that this submission is a new beginning of remixes from me. I've missed you all. -- Hazama Edited October 6, 2014 by DragonAvenger Closed decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimpazilla Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) I will do my vote on this soon, but a little background, I listened to this track in the inbox in July and I direct-rejected it because it had massive resonance and balance issues, also it was short (about a minute and a half). Jeremy reached out to me to get more info on how to improve it, and he has improved it quite a bit. I still think there are some production issues but it's definitely ready for judge processing. Ok, voting time. So, I had suggested some eq fixes to Jeremy, and suggested he lower the reverb and delay significantly as the track was getting washed out. He managed to get rid of the resonance from the low end that was actually obscuring the track at the louder parts. Now however, I feel like the low end isn't eq'd quite right. I had mentioned the possibility of eqing the left hand separately from the right, to get a little more clarity and definition in the bass, and I still think this is a good idea. I still feel there is too much reverb and more importantly too much delay. I suggest backing off on the delay, and also low cut the delay/reverb to around 800-ish Hz to keep low-end mud in check. Jeremy you confided in me that you played this track live and then quantized it in your daw. I caution against overquantizing your beautiful piano arrangements, as they can quickly sound mechanical and un-human. Leave some of your natural errors in so we can tell it is you who is playing it! I really love this arrangement and the moody solo-piano interpretation of this upbeat source. Nearly there... sorry to toss it back to you again... but these critiques should help you in all your future tracks, they will be excellent I have no doubt. NO (resubmit, please) Edited October 3, 2014 by Chimpazilla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clem Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 The new harmonies are nice. The upbeat source tune is altered to give a more introspective impression. Downtrodden but hopeful. The sequencing is stiff. Since this is a solo piano arrangement, I'm wanting to hear a lot more humanization. You've created an effective driving sensation, but it feels really locked into the grid. Feels like you quantized a lot Starting from 1:11 there is a repetitive eighth note figure highlighting the chord progression and continuing until near the end of the track. The figure pushes through the section with no change in rhythm, emphasis, or dynamics. It seems like you are shooting for a dramatic release, but to my ear, it stagnates quickly. You can earn the catharsis with more interesting part writing. Your use of reverb/delay makes the track sound washed out. It sounds like you're hiding behind the effects. One thing you could try is dialing back on these effects and making the space feel more intimate. trimming space design effects puts your sounds and articulation to the test (good form). There is a tiny clipping instance @ 2:53 that you might want to fix Not a bad track by any means, but it falls just below the bar for me. More tasteful application of effects, more attention to humanization, and more time spent on the repetitive sections of the arrangement would do the the trick. Good luck NO (BORDERLINE) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonAvenger Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Kris and Brent nailed this, so I'll sweep in for the final vote. I'd really look into not overdoing the production and making this too mechanical. The arrangement overall is not 'simple' exactly, but really needs the emotive playing to sell it fully, and right now it's not quite where it needs to be. I'd say the piano sound itself feels just a bit thin, but I'd suggest getting a few more opinions on that first. Kris's suggestion of mastering both hands separate may fix that issue as well. Really on the right track, but needs some more work. Hit up the WIP forums to get some more advice, and really take Kris's and Brent's words to heart here, you're close NO (resubmit, please) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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