Just Looking for Feedback (Song of Storms)

[The White Steve]

A piece I threw together and recorded at my house, I'm just looking for feedback on the composition more than the recording standards itself, But pointers on how to record are well taken as I don't really do Mixes. It was recorded in audacity too make it that much more disgusting. But thank you to everyone who listens too this, it's probably the first video game thing I have recorded properly in a while, and yes All parts bar the drums are real instruments, recorded one over the other.

 

 

[Oneiric]

Its not bad, though I feel it focuses too much on the melody of the source. While there is a good job of changing the way it gets played throughout, all of the changes feel just slapped together with no rhyme or reason. An original riff or two to split up the source would help diversify the track and make transitions sound more natural.

 

Also, i would vary your drum lines a little. Add fills, tempo changes to indicate transitions, and just plain add a little variation to a few measures to make the track have better flow and more personality.

 

Lastly, the lead that comes in at 0:42 sounds really dissonant. While dissonance itself isnt a problem, much metal thrives on it, here it's the only strongly dissonant thing in the track and doesnt really work. 

 

Overall the individual sections work well and are nicely done though, just needs a little work

[Smooth4lyfe1987]

I would change the melody to not make it sound too much like the original. Give it a unique flavor, add some more instruments too

This would be much easier to critique if it was mixed better or made to sound clearer