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What the Mesh!? (submission within grasp!?)


ShinnyMetal
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Hello there,

The beginning is nice....

I only have a bit of a problem with the (many) different styles. I mean when it's done as Mr.Bungle did in their early days it's cool to listen to.

I think now it's more like your pasting a lot of things together in one song.

Don't get me wrong, there is some pretty good stuff in there. I would cut it down to a few styles and not go all over the place.....I personally like the Van Halen sounding part....THAT ROCKS.

Good luck,

DarkM

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The intro is very nice, although I think the rest of the song sounds a little flat compared to the first part. Nonetheless, a nice song to listen to. I dont know if it will be accepted though...

The last par tis very nice, but there are some styles in there that just dont make the cut. I'll be curious if this'll make it. Of course, I do hope so

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I love the crazy-mélange-of-genres-in-one style, a la Star Salzman. You have some really neat ideas in here. I don't think you should toss out any of the style changes, they're quite entertaining, but they could use smoother transitions. (The change around 2:30 is great!) The intro was too quiet and a little long imo, though...didn't quite seem to fit the zany energy of the rest of the song.

For now I think you should work on beefing up supporting instrumentation, and more interpretation of the source...it's really not till the end that you start seriously re-interpreting it, apart from the general song style changes. There's also some timing issues with the keys from around 2:40ish to 3:15ish. The end is going in a great direction though, bring some of that interp to earlier sections of the mix!

Keep working on this, it has a lot of potential. :D

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I didn't want the intro to fit...big reason...I wanted to throw the listener off by making them think Im taking this direction then showing them its more energetic than originally thought.

Transistions were diffenately next on my list to do, some of the suck...*twitches* badly

thanks for the C&C people, I realy appreciate it =D

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I like the intro, not what follows. Doesn't work very well, too predictable, and the sounds aren't very good. The techno section stands out as cheesy. The drums sound like ass, not just the sounds, but the programming also, extremely boring.

I would not submit this till reworking it so it has more structure and till it sounds good. The added sections don't really make sense musically, they're too random. At around 4:30 it starts to sound good, but then that annoying hook comes in played on piano again (for the 15th time). You need a slightly faster section, playing the song somewhat how it is in the original, ALWAYS include the original, it's better than anything you can write and it really adds a level of authenticity to the song.

As far as suggestions go, I really like the source material, you should come in strong with a synthy rock cover of it right after the inro, add some kind of interesting break, and then start doing what you did at 4:30. You said you wanted it to be more of a high energy song, yes? Well, most of your track is boring, so do something close to the original song, and keep whatever you did at 4:30 onward, that part sounds good. Just find a way to combine those two elements and you'll get a YES! (and get better drum sounds!)

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to be honest im not looking for getting a yes by changing the way I want to do a song..Im looking for a yes with the way I want to do this...

I mentions that the drums suck...(the first post I did) its blatantly obvious..they are just place holders for ideas.

no way im getting better sounds...can't afford it and I don't want to include the original...not in this...

oh and I wanted it to be cheesy =D

thanks though for your advice

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  • 2 years later...

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