Polo
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Posts posted by Polo
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Right off the bat, cymbal-ish tap + shaker + bass = bright 'n spicy synthwork. They help establish an ongoing groove that makes me imagine that Cat-O'-9-Tails enemy almost constantly spinning to the beat. Flow is top-notch, from the warping wake-up call at 0:31 down to the extended wrap-up section at 5:40+, so I'm always groovin'. The main lead and faint choir help color the mood in a way that says "be alert - there are near-hellish dangers to consider," which only adds to the jungle-feverish hawtness. I also like how the source-originating quip at 4:34 keeps on repeating - it's like Protricity decided to take it for a spin on a playground roundabout and see how long it would maintain its power and appeal.
Hot, glowy, and untouchable. -
I'm absolutely in love with the emotive overhaul Chaos Temple has been given here. It breathes the meaning behind its title in ways that are more than welcome. Entering first is a "G#, E, G#, E, A-B, A, G#" note pattern which creates a foundation (or home, if you prefer) for the mix, and serving as the outro makes it seem like an extended musical tonic to help tie things together. The lead at 0:22 shines in such a way that it could pass for one of the orbs of light, and the string sample at 0:33 is so silk-texture gorgeous I wanna wrap it around myself like a blanket. The original sections go further and build up anticipation of reaching one's destination: 1:07+ and 2:13+ are like spiritual boosts, and 2:36+ exudes melancholy and reminiscence about one's journey and a feeling of wrapping up.
You can't go wrong with expressing nostalgia and final satisfaction in a mix. Love it, love it, love it a thousand times over.
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I swear, that vibrating drone in the intro sounds suspiciously like a low-humming machine - maybe it's producing bubbles or helping another machine operate. Either way, it feels calming but important. Speaking of bubbles, the percussion here seems to evoke "popping" imagery of sorts (except for that left-left-right membranophone pattern, which kinda straddles/outlines the beat instead). Throw in the "reaching for higher surfaces" flute and the vibe becomes quite floaty. In fact, the way the mix is colored makes me wonder if this is how Curly Brace would hear Living Waterway (you know, given her condition upon entering).
It's easy to see why this is one of OverCoat's most popular mixes. +1 fan here. -
Two points of concern:
- The syllables in the first and third quarters of the chorus (pre-"I'm falling back...") go by a bit too fast. I can decipher every lyric just fine by ear, but it's almost like some of the words' potential impact is lost due to being rushed. Then again, it does provide some contrast with the more relaxed lyrics, not to mention that rising arpeggio is a practical cornerstone of Gerudo Valley (leaving it out seems almost unthinkable).
- It's been touched upon before, but the mix ends with a prolonged undulating synth that latches onto the final lyric and slowly swells in volume before deflating abruptly. It makes for a weird and goofy outro, contrasting with the general mood.
Interestingly, both these issues have been fixed in Darangen's acoustic upgrade (an amazing revisitation, might I say, and a testament to the musician's growth). Back to this song - the guitar work and basic instrumentation are so easy on the ears I can't find fault with them if I tried. Plus, it's always a good sign when a vocal mix is clear enough that I don't have to refer to the written lyrics to know what's being said AND I can feel the emotion behind the words themselves. This could totally pass for a mainstream love song on the radio.
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Back when I got my wisdom teeth extracted, I was told to bring an audio CD to listen to while they did the procedure. I chose a CD that has this mix first, and when one of the dentists did the volume pre-adjustment via headphones, she said, "Oh, this is NICE!" regarding just the first few seconds. Enchanted Esper is therefore dentist-approved. It also makes for good "distract me from what they're doing inside my mouth" music.
All I can really say in addition is the piano is a faithful, expressive guiding force no matter when or how it plays. A flute, guitar, and other instruments may take the spotlight at different points, and they certainly carry the energy just as well, but for me the piano is the star player. First in, last out, and all around enchanting. -
Some of the synths put me in mind of other Robot Master stages, e.g. the ever-modulated buzzy bass (beefy like Guts Man's rocky terrain) and the pseudo-organ at 0:16 (delineating tall heights not unlike Cut Man's tower level). Each piano segue feels light and airy, if just a bit too contrasting with the preceding activity (but I like how the percussion helps guide the way back). A fairly solid A-B-C-ish structure is adhered to throughout, which makes the low-key interpretation at 2:40 feel more than welcome. (Would've enjoyed hearing more sections like that.)
Not bad, not superb, and of course it can't be faulted for referencing the All Your Base craze in its title. -
"Invitation to Saws"? That's an interesting title (or rather, that's what I got via Google Translate). Bits of the bass in the beginning and during the breakdown sound like muted gulps - they're just contagious and "yummy" enough to make me a little bit hungry. Regarding the chopped-up vocal samples, I'm most attracted to the last one introduced (at 0:30) due to how its vibrato inflection adds an extra lively bounce to the beat. When I'm not chilling out to it, the flute-like lead at 1:26+ sometimes beckons me to whistle along with it (which I do). It sounds more spotty and fleeting at 3:11, which gives it a mythical quality (before returning to "normal" at 3:49).
Transporting stuff.
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A vibe that's both creeping and chilling? Yeah, I'm totally down with it. The 7/4 time sig brings a new level of tension to the source thanks to the bass guitar chipping away at the first few notes. Every so often (e.g. 0:54) there's a double-noted and reverbed riff to punctuate the last beats of a measure while leading into the next - this adds both character and cohesion to the mix. I also appreciate the change-ups to it, like the brief off-sounding tease at 2:18/2:19 to keep the listener on their toes. 1:19 and 3:03 ramp up the latent vigor in the latter part of the source to make it a bright kind of chill. And of course the crisp percussion and glistening synths contribute to the smooth listening experience.
Groove-tastic-errific. -
Like djp, I too love the sparkly and transporting intro and outro - they give the mix a lasting impression of being ethereal, sort of like the floating pollen/seeds in Brinstar. From an arrangement viewpoint, I can appreciate how certain elements from the source are brought out more fully, e.g. the 3-note arpeggio at 1:08 and the decisive notations at 1:22, which pump up the mood and guide us along. (Listen to Brinstar - Plant Overgrowth Area and you'll hear those same parts kinda faded/buried in the background.) Love the breakdown, too - the arpeggio from before shows up in a teasingly gentler light.
Classic stuff. I still listen to this regularly. -
The vibe I get from this mix is one of a serious, timed mission with invigorating reprieves interspersed. The relative key changes certainly help with this.
I like how the source's melodic quirks are characterized here. For instance, the 8-bit warbles match the beat with 8 quips in one bar and then lag to 6 beats in the next - it gives me the impression of a jogger starting at a steady pace before getting distracted by something (mentally, visually, whatever) and running at a slower speed accordingly. I also like the different textural colorations of that 3-note rising arpeggio (it plays 3 times per bar before advancing up the scale a little): it's played by a slightly muted guitar, a humming synth that morphs into a stringed instrument, and a chewy lead at different times. Even more amazing is how they all play together at 3:52+. Really cool.
Love the female voice at 3:04+ and the snide laugh at 3:24 (cuz why not). The "Sector #" announcements are OK - the 2nd one sounds more fitting because it heralds a change in tone/direction, whereas the 1st catches me off-guard sometimes. But I can't imagine the mix without 'em.
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Maybe it'll help if I break down my bio for you:Content-wise, it's fine, but somehow, it feels like a number of facts being presented in sequence, but there's no story there.
Ryo looks up to Iwao. A lot. His father taught him martial arts, rely on your friends, eat your carrots, etc. It's why 1) he can't believe his father's powerlessness when faced by some random opponent who comes out of nowhere, 2) he can't accept failing to save Iwao's life (and possibly failing to live up to the lessons taught him), and 3) he makes it his mission to hunt Lan Di to the ends of the earth. The first paragraph's narrative helps establish all this. I wrestled with toning down details, but I couldn't find a lot of ways to do it while keeping his motivations and story intact. Shenmue wouldn't happen without Iwao's death affecting his son the way it does.
The second paragraph talks about how Ryo searches for Lan Di, the problems he encounters, his fighting abilities, and how he progresses. I feel there's enough "story" fleshed out here, although if you feel the last sentence doesn't wrap up the paragraph properly, let me know.
The third paragraph is about what all this does to Ryo personally and interpersonally. I included it partly to revisit his housekeeper and training partner - survivors of the same incident on 11/29/86 - whose different voices help show Ryo's personality/how revenge has affected him. The first sentence could possibly change - rereading it, it feels like a sudden jump in focus. Maybe something like "Ryo's preoccupation with revenge comes at a price, as his family and friends can see" would make it complete?
I can't offer too many fixes without knowing exactly what sentences/word choices bother you, so hopefully my overview will help you hone in on them.
Actually, the reordering here works. I can try "Thanks to Iwao's major influence on his life, Ryo epitomizes Japanese self-discipline and resourcefulness."Perhaps it's not the best grammar, but switching the 2nd para's first sentence around to something like:
"Due in large part to Iwao's influence, Ryo epitomizes Japanese self-discipline and resourcefulness."
This would improve the flow by mentioning Iwao that final time and then proceeding to Ryo's description.
No. Like Dafydd says, "lay" can be past tense for "lie," which is intransitive/takes no direct object. Don't feel too bad, though - lots of people confuse lay/lie."lay a greater shock" feels odd; no one's placing anything down on a surface; it's just a location where a tense event occurred, so wouldn't it be "lied a greater shock"?
It's grammatical, but I feel the narrative would lose some of its tension and immediacy.Inside the dojo there was a greater shock
I feel Lan Di should come first to follow the order of what Ryo (and the player) learns and to more smoothly explain why Iwao is fending him off. The above rewording sounds like the fight is more important than the mirror.Refusing to hand over an item known as the Dragon Mirror, Ryo's father Iwao was facing off against a male intruder, Lan Di.
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That introing A-note groove is bright and reverberific. I think the first contrasting E note comes in just a little late (by maybe 4 As), but no biggie. It's also nice to hear F take A's place alongside the source melody's first entrance for a double dose of variety.
3:13 is my favorite part - it feels wonderfully sad and lost as it portrays an interdimensional dystopia. (The shimmering bell-like synth is a lovely complement, too.) Of course, such a section wouldn't be possible without the delicate, furtive mini-transitions preceding it, like the virtual reality-ish section at 1:53, the windy, "tapping" echoes at 2:22, and the shaky, "not long for this world" rendition of the source at 2:29, so I gotta give props to all those players that make the coming emotional impact stronger.
I also notice that while the "phasing" sounds at 3:52 rise in key and frequency to the point where they sound like a laser gun or alarm, 4:41 sounds like a deliberate inverse of that. If that was intentional, cool.
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Here's Ryo Hazuki revised:
November 29th, 1986 was a dark day in the life of Ryo Hazuki. That day, the eighteen-year-old came home to find the family dojo broken into: the Hazuki plaque was split in two and his housekeeper and fellow disciple were injured. Inside the dojo lay a greater shock: Ryo's father Iwao was facing off against the intruder, a man named Lan Di, refusing to hand over an item known as the Dragon Mirror. Lan Di took it by force, using a martial art strong enough to overpower and gravely wound both father and son. Ryo had barely enough strength to hold his father in his arms, but Iwao could only apologize for leaving his son alone before giving up the ghost. Distraught by the circumstances surrounding his father's death, the boy made it his mission to seek vengeance against the murderer.
Ryo epitomizes Japanese self-discipline and resourcefulness, thanks in large part to Iwao's influence. He uses what few leads he has to track Lan Di and decipher the mystery of the Dragon Mirror. Starting in his hometown Yokosuka, Ryo freely explores anything from parks to buildings to desk drawers while everyone around carries on with their daily lives. Many in the neighborhood know his name and are willing to help him however they can. Not everyone is as receptive, though — some connected to Lan Di are members of gangs, including the Chinese mafia. Violent confrontations with them are inevitable, so Ryo puts his martial arts to use with a combination of punches, kicks, holds, and throws to take down his adversaries. He often questions a defeated opponent to gain a new lead.
Ryo's preoccupation with revenge comes at a price. He lacks the finesse of reading and responding to others' emotions, so he's unable to pick up on his childhood friend Nozomi's feelings for him. His housekeeper worries about the times he comes home late, and his martial arts peer has mixed feelings about him single-handedly going after his father's killer. Ryo keeps a lid on his own emotions and motivations and doesn't want others involved in his dangerous task. But is vengeance worth neglecting loved ones? -
Since we're both satisfied with Eevee, I went ahead and uploaded it in its final form. Thanks for your patience, Chernabogue.
All right. Yeah, it's kind of repetitive to say both "in real time" and "while others do whatever."Sounds a bit too much like selling points on the back of the cover. If you remove "in real time", it could work.
"It's as if Iwao's death has consumed him to the point where he feels he must carry the burden of responsibility alone, no matter how heavy..." It might work. Trailing off like that leaves a more open end, and with the preceding facts, anyone can make that observation on Ryo's character, but it wouldn't be the only possible one. Or I could replace the last sentence with a question, like: "But is vengeance worth neglecting loved ones?"I think what's actually bothering me is that it doesn't really feel like an ending (and neither does Skull Kid, now that I read it). An ellipsis instead of a period would make it feel different, but I'm not sure that's a good idea.
As for Skull Kid, I don't know if we should tweak the ending already in place. The structure is "People avoid him, but one individual thinks a bad experience had something to do with it" - I know it's not a FIRM ending, but it's an in-game analysis that's both sad and hopeful, and it can invite a reader to look into Skull Kid's story further.
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Two more things we said, Chernabogue:
- "Among Eevee's specialized forms are" (not "new" or "include")
- "Nonetheless, a trainer fortunate enough to obtain one can make Eevee the trump card of a powerful Pokémon team."
After that, I think Eevee's set.
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Sure.Well, if it's all the same to you, I vote for "the time of day".
Cool.Yeah, I like "specialized", especially in this context, where we bring up the benefits of specializing, so let's go with that.
THAT'S the meaning of teamwork! *high five*Yes, "fortunate" and "obtain" are better suggestions. Thanks! It's nice to be able to suggest an improvement you're still not entirely happy with and have someone else improve on it further
Okay. Tell me if this works (addition in bold):Maybe if you were to mention the city where the action takes place and something about the style of the game... Doesn't need to be long, only that he explores the city of Yokosuka and meets people.
I figured I should cut "gaining clues from various people and locations" since its inclusion would invite repetition.He uses what few leads he has to track Lan Di and decipher the mystery of the Dragon Mirror. Starting in his hometown Yokosuka, Ryo freely explores anything from parks to buildings to desk drawers in real time while everyone around carries on with their daily lives. Many in the neighborhood...
I wouldn't classify what Ryo goes through as unengaging, but I can see where you're coming from in terms of sentence length. How about something like this:The sentence "Ryo could do nothing but hold Iwao in his arms as he died" feels short and somewhat unengaging in light of the ones surrounding it.
Again, I cut some words ("Wounded in body and spirit") because I moved/tweaked the idea.Lan Di took it by force, using a martial art strong enough to overpower and gravely wound both father and son. Ryo had barely enough strength to hold his father in his arms, but Iwao could only apologize for leaving his son alone before giving up the ghost. Distraught by the circumstances surrounding his father's death...
Yeah, the ending's a downer. Ryo just seems like a pretty tragic character to me - Shenmue starts with his father's death, which changes his life/defines his mission for the next two games. He fights members of the underworld (mafia, gangs, etc.) and isn't fazed, like he's prepared to descend into darkness metaphorically. Also, even though I never played a Shenmue game, I was upset to learn the series has gone unfinished. All I can think of is "Ryo's never going to avenge his father! Lan Di got away with murder! (etc.)" Anyway, not every bio needs to end the same way, and remember Skull Kid's bio ends on a bleak note as well ("some of his closest friends abandoned him one night and didn't come back").Also, the ending is kind of depressing. Maybe it's not a bad thing. It's just that just about every bio we have so far (as far as I can remember) ends on a high note, and this doesn't.
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I don't know about it being a regional thing, but your suggestion works just as well as "time of the day" or even "time of day," IMO.Isn't it "the time of day" in this context? Or is this another one of those which-side-of-the-puddle-you're-on kind of things?
I suggested "Some of" to help indicate a fraction of the Eeveelutions, since there's no point in listing them all. I'm fine with "Among Eevee's new forms are..." whereas ending that sentence with "among others" feels unnecessarily afterthought-y. They're "new" in the sense that Eevee can permanently change into something it hasn't been before, and leaving it out might suggest the ability to switch between forms like a wardrobe. If you want, we can replace "new" with "alternate" or "different" or "improved" or "specialized" or "unique."It already says in the previous paragraph that there are 8 forms, not 2, but if that's not enough to leave out the "Some of", wouldn't it be better to write "Eevee's new forms include the Electric type Jolteon and the Attack-oriented Flareon, among others" or "Among Eevee's new forms are the Electric type Jolteon and the Attack-oriented Flareon"? Come to think of it, are any of these forms really "new"?
Nice way to supplement the previous sentence. I think "lucky" should be "fortunate" and "acquire" can instead be "obtain."The last sentence, although beginning with "Nonetheless", doesn't seem to contradict of the one before it. How about "Nonetheless, a trainer lucky enough to acquire [or is there a more suitable verb?] one can make Eevee the trump card of a powerful Pokémon team."?
Ryo was originally meant to be a Virtua Fighter character before Shenmue, so I can understand the confusion.I thought it was a Tekken character until the last paragraph, just because that's what I thought it was before I even started reading
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Nice work, Chernabogue. My only note is to say "Some of Eevee's new forms include..." so you don't imply Jolteon and Flareon are the only Eeveelutions possible. Other than that, I think this bio is good enough. We'll see what Dafydd has to say.
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This is deep, expansive, and exploratory thanks to the plethora of tunnel-reverbed synths. It's also quite danceable thanks to the 8-note rising-and-falling motif (~0:14, 0:57, etc.) from the source, plus the rubber band bass that goes from first heard to carrying/supplementing the rest of the percussion above it. The lead at 1:36 broadens the spacial tone further while giving the mix a sense of direction.
Only that first robotic sentence sounds unintelligible without reading the lyrics once, but in general the spoken words are a neat breakdown-ish change-up. It's especially satisfying after the last line when things go BOOM right back into the beat like a natural extension of the verbal message.
Everything moves and breathes in this beefy upgrade of UNATCO. Looks like the barriers between the synths have fallen and they've become more by joining... with each other...
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Loads of fun, this one. The synth guitars and pumped percussion create a tone that's both party-playful and indicative of high stakes.
I hear a lot of that 4- or 5-note arpeggio (beginning and elsewhere) from the source and held/tenuto notes (0:46, 0:58, etc.) to color/lead transitions, and I'm totally fine with that. IMO, they're not "bad" repetitive in the sense that they detract from the melodic variety, but "good" repetitive re keeping the tone/stakes/what have you intact while keeping me on edge for the next thing (in particular, the progressively tranquil rundown from 3:23 onward).
You can tell the mix itself is having so much fun when it hoists itself out of a moment of deliberation (3:57-4:01) - offbeat, even - and repeats a previous passage as if to say "ONE MORE ROUND!" And it's awesome for that.
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Arrow - Thanks for giving it a shot.
Chernabogue - I understand. If you can't set aside enough time for Eevee, Dafydd and I can finish it ourselves.
Ryo Hazuki
"Like my father always said, never cheat, even during a struggle."
== Bio ==
November 29th, 1986 was a dark day in the life of Ryo Hazuki. That day, the eighteen-year-old came home to find the family dojo broken into: the Hazuki plaque was split in two and his housekeeper and fellow disciple were injured. Inside the dojo lay a greater shock: Ryo's father Iwao was facing off against the intruder, a man named Lan Di, refusing to hand over an item known as the Dragon Mirror. Lan Di took it by force, using a martial art strong enough to overpower both father and son. Ryo could do nothing but hold Iwao in his arms as he died. Wounded in body and spirit and distraught by the circumstances surrounding his father's death, the boy made it his mission to seek vengeance against the murderer.
Ryo epitomizes Japanese self-discipline and resourcefulness, thanks in large part to Iwao's influence. He uses what few leads he has to track Lan Di and decipher the mystery of the Dragon Mirror, gaining clues from various people and locations. Many in the neighborhood know his name and are willing to help him however they can. Not everyone is as receptive, though — some connected to Lan Di are members of gangs, including the Chinese mafia. Violent confrontations with them are inevitable, so Ryo puts his martial arts to use with a combination of punches, kicks, holds, and throws to take down his adversaries. He often questions a defeated opponent to gain a new lead.
Ryo's preoccupation with revenge comes at a price. He lacks the finesse of reading and responding to others' emotions, so he's unable to pick up on his childhood friend Nozomi's feelings for him. His housekeeper worries about the times he comes home late, and his martial arts peer has mixed feelings about him single-handedly going after his father's killer. Ryo keeps a lid on his own emotions and motivations and doesn't want others involved in his dangerous task. It's as if Iwao's death has consumed him to the point where he feels he must carry the burden of responsibility alone, no matter how heavy.
== References ==
Shenmue instruction manual
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I didn't mean to sound sarcastic - sorry if my wording came out that way. I just kind of noted how you avoid "dull" words and phrases to add vivacity to bios. No hard feelings. I'm cool with "horrible events from unfolding on the island."
Curly and Quote are done, uploaded, polished, etc., and now I'm claiming Ryo Hazuki to work on.
Is now a good time to ask Arrow for an update on Shulk?
I would go with "have" and "their" in this example since the Bulbapedia page says "Eevee and the eight Eeveelutions" under the image - each Pokémon is one Eeveelution, so the group constitutes several. And we know "Pokémon" can be singular or plural, so no problem there."The group of resultant Pokémon in this unique Evolution tree have been given their* own name: Eeveelution."
*[has been given its? Again, "Eeveelution" refers to both the group and any of the members in it]
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Okay, if that's not too dull/progamming language-like to you, I can go with that."to stop horrible events from unfolding on the island"
Any other nitpicks for "Quote" and/or {Curly}? (the above fix + "all manner of" = minor enough edits to not have to post the bios again, methinks)
Also, yeah, "Eeveelution" refers to the evolved Eevees, not the factors to make one evolve. As-is, the sentence runs the risk of conflating two separate ideas, so a simplification seems in order.
You're on the right track. How about this?: "A resultant Pokémon in this unique Evolution tree has its own name: Eeveelution." This suggestion assumes Chernabogue will remove "leading to a unique Evolution tree" from earlier to make the colon in that sentence work better. Also, "name" seems safer than "denomination" in this case, IMO.if the sentence was changed to "The ramifications of this unique system have been given their own specific denomination: Eeveelution.", "ramifications" would still refer to the Pokémon, and stuff would check out. It might still not be very clear, though.
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Weird, "all manners of" didn't strike me odd then, and it still doesn't now. But I can go with "all manner of."This could be an issue of which side of the Atlantic you're on, but I'm pretty sure that should be "manner" in singular, regardless of whether the thing it's a manner of is in singular or plural. "All manner of things" gets 10 times as many hits as "All manners of things" on a Google search, and for "all manner of" versus "all manners of" the factor is about 30.
Her past is a big question mark, so it makes sense in a way. Answers to a question.That's a new expression to me, I think. I thought it had to be "about her past". Interesting.
That's how I interpreted your concerns.
That's not what I had in mind, and I have to admit it sounds unusual to me, but I can't say it's wrong. If you want it that way, it's fine by me.horrible events from taking hold of the island
Just saying "horrible events" sounds incomplete without saying what they affect (the island) to explain Quote's goals and Curly's cheerleadership. How about "upsetting the balance of the island"?Chernabogue - nice additions with explaining "Eeveelution" and calling Flareon "Attack-oriented" in Eevee's bio.
- "Eevee can morph into eight different creatures" --> Try "Eevee can morph into one of eight possible creatures" so you don't imply Eevee can change between its final forms (e.g. Vaporeon can't turn into another like Jolteon or Flareon - it's set for life).
A colon precedes an explanation or list. It can work in this context if "leading to a unique Evolution tree" is lifted out of the way so the preconditions are properly talked about. Since it's not the end of a sentence, no capitalization is needed after the colon.Once again, I'll have to defer to Polo on the matter of colon usage and capitalization. Is this correct?
- "a Pokémon trainer has to take into account" --> change "has to take" to "may take" or "takes"
- "This interesting ramification got" --> 1) Replace "got" with "has" to stay in the present tense; 2) concerning the word "ramification," maybe "process" or "system" would be a better fit (if Dafydd doesn't think those terms are too technical/robotic); 3) "interesting" sounds a little subjective/debatable, so try something like "unique" (from that lifted clause before the colon earlier) or "dynamic" instead.
For best semicolon use, you need a conjunctive adverb following it (however, therefore, etc.). But I think it's moot in this case - this sentence feels like a hindrance, partly because it permits the repeat of "weakness" shortly after. To Chernabogue: remove this first sentence so you start the paragraph with "Being a Normal type..." and after "they all possess different abilities and types," you can add a comma and "representing Eevee's greatest strengths" which was previously in the first sentence. This way you can better flow from Eevee's starting form to its Evolutions through proper buildup and payoff. Bear in mind that afterwards, you'll end up with a close repeat of "Eevee" ("Some of Eevee's new forms"), and wherever possible, we want to keep obvious repetition down. (For this last bit, you can say "Some of its/these new forms" instead.)I think "greatest strengths; it is relatively" would be nice, but I'm not sure it's correct. Polo?
Yeah, let me help clarify this. Earlier, you say "A Pokémon trainer may prefer to..." which I think is fine because it reflects possibilities in the Pokémon world. On the other hand, "One should..." reads like an order. Since this section talks about a trainer's options when raising Eevee, I imagine it would be kind of hard to deter from that tone. But remember that you're writing for those who know next to nothing about this mascot and are not guaranteed to go pick up/download a Pokémon game/ROM after reading this bio.
We went over this in a previous comment - this reads like a manual.One should pay attention to which form Eevee may change into as it is said that only a few Eevees are still alive
As for this sentence, because the multiple forms contrast with the scarcity of Eevee in the wild, you can try setting up that contrast with something like "Regardless of which form Eevee may change into, it is said..." or "No matter which form..." or "Despite the multiple forms this Pokémon can take..." Then with the final sentence, you can bounce back with "Nonetheless, a trainer can make Eevee the trump card of a powerful Pokémon team" or similar.
OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!
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