Wacky

Mass Effect 2. Clearly Bioware thought that if Fox News was gonna call it a sex simulator designed to corrupt the nation's youth instead of a really tasteful classic romance with a discretion shot (As in ME1) then they might as well live up to the hype. To be honest, that's actually sort of disturbing. Not the lesbianism, the hideous uncanny valley reaction from the character models. *shudder*

The load times are fine, cos it lets you practice your moves while it's loading. The really bad thing about the PS3 version is that the FMV is mostly half baked and unfinished Fricking SEGA

Oh, and RTS: I HATE micro, but as anyone on OCR has played me on Starcraft well knows, you don't need to micro to know how to set up a stunning Terran Base defence, nor do you need to be a military genius to remember the maxim "Strategic offence, tactical defence." As well, I've yet to play someone who takes the tactical initiative from me, although I can lose. I am an exponent, however, of peace through superior firepower. The more things shooting at you, surely the more you die.

Noticed it coming up in the Bayonetta thread, so here goes. What is your playing style across a variety of genres? Let me start: Fighting: I like using fast characters who don't necessarily deal a lot of damage, but do exactly what I want them to do and quickly. Example characters- Chai Xianghua, Taki, Marshall Law, etc. FPS: I am, surprisingly, a very careful stalker in most games. I don't like Quake and its equivalents (I'm not a bad aim, but I hate being rushed.) I love sniper rifles, because I can kill you from far away, where you never saw me. Also if I have to twitch it's pretty likely I'll kill you with one shot. HATE rocket launchers. They're so... unstylish. I am also quite famous in Left4Dead games of taking the time to stand there and shoot a special infected in the head. Bullet Hell: At the same time, I love bullet hell games. Touhou, Ikaruga, Midway, Parsec 47. Twitch is fun. Twitch is like flying the Death Star Trench Run. Twitch is made of win when you make it out alive. Real Life: Lasertag and Paintball. Again, I hate being exposed or "doing crazy runs." I am slow, methodical, and when I find you, it takes a few shots. I'd proabably make a really bad suppressive fire person. Don't believe in shooting at someone's general direction. What does this say about me as a player? Do I twitch? Do I plan ahead? From what I see, it appears I am a planner. Sure, I twitch quite a lot, but it's all part of a plan. What's your play style?

Touhou is made of awesome. I love bullet hell games. Parsec 47 is a thrill ride- it induces seizures in most others. Back to Bayonetta! What is your play style? I've noticed I am very partial to "Crack Monkey attack" as I like to call it- avoid most attacks, then go in and smash until you have to get out of range again. Incidentally, this means I'm really bad at taking on enemies who are much bigger than me. Stupid not acting like a person, stupid tentacle monster!

In all seriousness though, to a man who started his video game "career" so to speak on Ninja Gaiden and Mario on the NES, you're not having fun unless you're either twitching like a man in the slips cordon of a cricket game (Hint: you have about a .25 second window to catch a ball coming your way) or memorising patterns like a demented MENSA genius. This is also sort of why I am the only person in my house who enjoys Ikaruga. The Girl likes thinking deeply like I do (Hence shared love for Civ and her love of FF) but can't really twitch as well. Oddly enough, my FPS play style is very slow and methodical, so I suppose I am more the "memorization genius" than "twitcher" when it comes to dealing with really hard games.

I think anyone who has the balls, so to speak, to ride a motorcycle up an ICBM as it's disintegrating into space (along with the quip "Ah, plenty of time" as if she means it as the ICBM is clearing the launch pad) can have as small a window to engage witch time as they like. Edit: If that was in a movie it would make it a legitimate blockbuster. I mean come on! Who the hell could possibly have thought that up for an action movie? That's 10 kinds of awesome!

Also belonging in "Game makes me laugh..." I couldn't stop cacking it for about a minute after Joy and Bayonetta decide to have an impromptu dance off. You got Served, Girl! The orgasmic transformation sort of weirded me out though. Girlfriend thought it was hilarious. :s

To a man who plays Civ on Deity on a fairly regular basis the thought that a game requiring some knowledge of combos can be beaten with one button is sort of lame...

Internet tells you many things! Also, "Fly me to the Moon" is so disgustingly appropriate for this game I can now no longer sing it in public without sounding like a rapist

OK, after sitting down and watching from the beginning, I suddenly understand why girls LOVE this game. It's an ironic, hammy, cheesy, and utterly insane romp through increasingly MORE insane battles where the main protagonist knows she's utterly hot; yet only sort of notes it as a background feature. It would make a glorious B movie. In fact, it basically IS a movie. In short, it's almost exactly like Final Fantasy X and X2. Only with a metric fuckton more fanservice. Which is so over the top I can only really see 14 year old boys actually getting aroused by it (As opposed to thinking, "Holy shit did she just shoot the guy through her legs and then smash into his face crotch first????" which would fill more than enough of my fetish dream moments but isn't actually arousing.) It's sort of like a female version of playing Metal Gear Solid and seeing all these men in really disturbingly hot outfits kick arse and take names. It's not offensive; it's part of the charm of the game. And I suppose, as sexual creatures, all men want to be the uber-man hunk saving the world, and women have the same ur-story appreciation themselves also. Although after I found out that "Very Easy" means you don't have to know any combos other than pressing X repeatedly, I was sort of disturbed.

My girlfriend is a massive fan of this Bayonetta. Notwithstanding the fangirly crush she has on FFX and 2, she generally doesn't like such fanservicey women in her games (Lara Croft, fighting games) and on the other hand quite likes more "real" depictions of women (ie, Alyx Vance, Jade in Beyond Good and Evil actually had her saying "THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A HEROINE IN A GAME NUMBNUTS" to no one in particular). So while I am watching her slice, dice and prance about with a woman clearly cribbed from my darkest and deepest fantasies (it's the glasses) using kisses as cross hairs and shedding clothing with each more progressively powerful attack, I have to understand why she thinks this is the most awesome game ever while Tomb Raider isn't. I mean, at least I could understand the obsessive collecting and organizing that characterizes the Final Fantasy series and the soppy, made for girl action adventure story (awwwww look the lovers died and one wants revenge for his beloved ). The other games are just good games in themselves. Bayonetta is Devil May Cry with Steroids, and while some bits are fucking awesome (Bike Ride to the Moon, baby!) the whole game seems to be an excuse for boys to fap to a really hot female game character. So I asked her. "What's so good about this game? Isn't this character really offensive?" She smiled, as if expecting this question. "Not really. It fits." The Girl explained that Bayonetta is in a game that doesn't take her seriously. "Of course she's a dressed up slut. She's in a game which doesn't really take itself seriously. She ENJOYS it." She explained it like this. In most games where there is a hot token female, the context of the game makes it such that the female character either doesn't have a reason to dress like that, or actively doesn't like being looked at that way. To pick fighting game characters, she said it was the difference between Christie Monteiro and Asuka Kazama. She HATES Asuka Kazama as really offensive, despite the fact that Christie is infinitely less clothed. Why? Because she's a schoolgirl, and because she gives no indication whatsoever that she enjoys showing off her body like that. Bayonetta is an arse-kicking slutwitch and accepts that and apparently has a self-respect that almost no other female video game character as poorly dressed has. Yeah, makes no sense to me either. If you can turn it into a serious feminism discussion in video games, go ahead. In short, my girlfriend perplexes me. Also, should I tell her I am probably going to get really interesting dreams involving her and Bayonetta, with glasses, if she keeps on playing?

Bleck you are my hero

I am listening to a song by David Guetta known rather nicely as "Sexy Bitch." Anyways here are the lyrics to the chorus. "The way that booty moving i can't take no more I have to stop what i'm doing so i can put on my clothes I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl Without being disrespectful Damn girl She's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch damn girl" The Girl is also listening. I laugh. "What's so funny?" she asks. "The deliberate irony of a misogynistic tool trying to find a respectful way to praise a woman as more than a sex object, and his best attempt is not only misogynistic but profane? That's gotta be deliberate." She does not smile. "Considering the way the song sounds... I am pretty sure that firstly, most of the idiots in this world will not get that, and secondly, I'm not sure he IS being deliberately ironic." Is he? And if not- WHY THE HELL ARE 12 YEAR OLD BOYS LISTENING TO THIS SHIT???

There's a hot aussie in the second movie too- Isabel Lucas. Although we never knew she was an adeptus mechanicus fetish fuel metallic tentacle monster abomination until now. I think Japan wants her.

To be fair I can't see how anyone can legitimately claim a giant massive freaking ray gun of doom can be adequately disguised as something else

Soundwave = Spy Satellite It's... Perfect. Discuss.

A friend is playing Spore and using the abduction beam, and shows off his gratuitous cruelty by flinging them around- one poor creature, into space. We go back to doing other things, and then he decides to go back to the planet for a proper invasion. His ship is orbiting the planet... And then suddenly a screaming, flailing creature flies past the spaceship, clearly the same one we spaced earlier... still in orbit. Anything as funny?

I'm waiting to see how Klingons are going to look in the next Trek movie. Because Enterprise had a really really really shitty excuse for why they look different. And Enterprise is Canon.

Chekov had nearly a minute of Kirk and Sulu falling at the same velocity and trajectory to get a good lock on them. Ms Grayson had about half a second before she went splat. TNG transporters could just mange pick her up; even original TOS series transporters couldn't. I actually like how the transporter in the movie is a temperamental little bastard. It explains why people still use shuttles a lot. Also, Spock being really angry is not silly at all. Romulans are basically Vulcans who learned to channel their rage and hate into ambition and controlled aggression for the betterment of his society; Vulcans channel it into logic. A Romulan without his society and his sense of self would be as psychotic as a Vulcan without logic- and both are basically rage filled hate machines. Spock, a Vulcan with all his rage, with his human side, which encourages him to express his feelings, and then you combine the two so that the human side weakens his emotional control... I'm actually quite surprised he doesn't go apeshit MORE OFTEN.

So anyone else in the audience felt anti-vulcan xenophobia when Zoe Saldana started pashing Spock? I know I did. Freaking Vulcans and their hot logic. For a more in depth analysis of the movie, here's my thoughts: 1. There are no massive canyons in Iowa that I know of. However, the Xindi did do some massive shit to the planet that hasn't been fixed yet. I was very impressed, since "Enterprise" exists in both universes. 2. I like, yet dislike, the almost retro steampunk of the engineering sections of the Enterprise and Federation ships. I really really like it because face it, metal welding's gonna be metal welding no matter how far in the future it is, and anyone from today could still use anything made 200 years ago. Even Spock's mega uber ship from the future still has an air of having been built by engineers, rather than assembled by prop makers (Similar to the Enterprise E, although that ship's got a different paradigm altogether.) I don't like it because it doesn't scream Trek to me, but it's still great. 3. "Enlist?" Captain Pike uses those terms rather loosely, especially for academy cadets. I also dislike how, instead of the original series where Kirk earnt his captaincy over several years of actually being a starfleet officer, he gets his captaincy immediately after passing his academy course.(Equivalent to colonel in the Army!) The Awesome: The massive amounts of snark that work on multiple levels. 1. Sulu loving Fencing? True in both universes- except where in the normal verse it's a hobby that's faintly ridiculous (And apparently lampshaded as such in the movie) here it means he can go toe to toe with creatures stronger and more resilient than he is. With a Freaking Retractable Katana of WIN and AWESOME. 2. I finally get a convincing reason why Scotty comes up with insane ideas that are outside the box. Because he knows a LOT about engineering, and because he's frankly slightly insane. 3. "Are you out of your Vulcan Mind?" 4. Hot interspecies sex in mini skirts and go go boots (In which we all are envious of Mr Spock.) 5. Spock being snarky when he wants to be. 6. "We can help your crew." "I'd rather die." "That's cool. Mr Sulu, shoot him." But seriously, the movie brings back characters that I can relate to, and are convincing portrayals of those characters. The Federation is made of flawed human beings, and THIS Federation is one I can see doing all the things I suggested in my first post- but maybe they wouldn't, because while the humans in this Federation are all flawed beings they've still kept that Starfleet optimism which I've missed so much. Waiting eagerly for the next movie- which I hope will have Kirk facing his greatest weakness, which is the belief that there is no such thing as a no win scenario...

The rest of your post was completely on point and valid. You likely have a point. Sure, learning isn't hard. But I can tell you some GH stuff IS hard, and it's certainly NOT instant gratification. But where the hell does the Ameri-hate come from? Where did you pull that out of your arse? I actually don't hate GH. I LOVE it. It's fun! So's learning the Guitar! It's ALSO fun! There's a difference between pointing out the absurdities of life and hating America. I'll even admit that I'm included in that absurd group that loves Karaoke and Guitar Hero. In short, I'm not yelling at anybody, I'm pointing out our general silliness. Perhaps I've come on too strong with the "lol America's funny" stuff. I don't say that because I HATE America. I say it because it's like falling in love with a girl- you can still love her glaring faults. In short, Why the viciousness? Did I insult you? If so, I apologize. But I would like to know how I insulted you.

hahahha no you're missing my point entirely. If being a musician was terribly difficult and illegal, then Guitar Hero would be a perfect "Game." I wasn't even HATING on anything, per se, I only found it odd that people absolutely love GH and at the same time, GH = standard Guitar playing when it comes to inherent difficulty. I even made the comment that some GH tracks were actually harder to play (in a sense) than their equivalents in real life (GH3, I am looking at you.) Like I have said, it's actually not overly hard to play a standard guitar. It's not overly hard to cook. It's not overly hard to find some friends to go play ball. There's no hate there, it's just an amused comment from someone who grew up in the era where games were fantastical or depicted something you couldn't do. Sure, I've been playing instruments for years and I'm pretty musical, but I've never treated my music as anything more than a welcome diversion. I really don't invest a great deal of my ego into it. Sure, if you like to play GH, then cool- I just wonder that it's JUST AS EASY to fork out $150 for a decent starter acoustic and learn to play it yourself. I'm certainly not aggrandizing my musical ability. I'm actually denigrating it. For me, Music should NEVER be hard work. It's fun! Just as fun as GH! I am undecided on Karaoke, but suggest that perhaps it's better when drunk.

Ummm... It took me about 10 minutes to pick up the basic riff of Sunshine of your Love. It's really that easy. The GH version, because I learnt the Guitar version first, actually was hard to get a hold of, because it's changing the buttons based on the melody, not the guitar backing. I've noticed that for quite a few GH tracks, and while it's annoying it's not the end of the world. Jessica, you have a point. It took me a while to get that down pat, and on GH it's relatively easier. Generally speaking, I can play a GH song after about 3-4 tries at it at Hard- Expert, I don't bother and just go learn it on the real thing. But again, it's not like you have to slave away to reach any reasonable proficiency with a music instrument. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to be able to play on your little Les Paul controller, but it's also just as fun to be able to make the strings twang.