Liontamer Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=11671 remixer alius: Hoboka real name: Alex J. Shtokalko source: Super Metroid, Lower Maridia (Rockey area or w/e, you'll know when you hear it ) remix title: The Aquatic Abyss Remix: Heya girls, I gotz you a new resub to convulse - er I mean, dance to It's my super metroid remix - TOTALLY different concept now...kinda DnB-ish/alternate whatever the fuck you wanna call it. I worked real, real, real hard on this, and I expect at least SOME degree of appreciation for this song, lol. Eh, fat chance knowing you guys, but what the hell, I know I've made a half decent song, so love it or I'll have to shoot you!! Well, not really, but okay I'll stop blabbering away now before your head implodes from the idiodicy of it all. Enjoy! -------------------------------------------------------------- Hahaha, I've gotta steal "idiodicy" some time. http://snesmusic.org/v2/download.php?spcNow=sm - "Maridia Rocky Underwater Area" (sm-24.spc) I mean, I like some of the concepts here, but the package was very uncohesive. Loads of the synths and samples sounded low-quality, IMO, and the track lacked a lot of high end presence. The track sounding so lossy almost compensated in some way for the apparent lack of any bassline. The drum transition at :54 felt totally arbitrary, plus the gratuitous cymbal shots at 1:00 & 1:09 were completely out of place. The piano from 1:20-1:47 was very mechanically sequenced and not melodious at all. The vox for that section was very fake and rigidly sequenced as well. The track was all over the place with no real sense of direction and little in the way of dynamics. [02:24] <@JJT> lemme guess[02:24] <@JJT> does it start with an abrasive synth [02:24] <@JJT> playing by itself freeform [02:24] <@JJT> before abruptly being joined by harsh drums (with no bassline) [02:25] <@Larry> wow [02:25] <@JJT> then arbitrarily move into another section at the same volume? [02:25] <@Larry> hahahaha [02:25] <@JJT> then go to another section then end abruptly? [02:25] <@Larry> ROFL [02:25] <@Larry> how the fuck... [02:25] <@Larry> yeah, you're actually right, I don't believe it [02:25] <@Larry> and he really tried to overhaul this bitch [02:25] <@JJT> larry......EVERY HOBOKA SONG [02:26] <@JJT> i don't even *need* to listen [02:26] <@JJT> he doesn't want to bother with learning how to write songs [02:26] <@JJT> never changes his approach Harsh. Wrong on the first point about the opening synth, but from that point on, Jon was throwing bullseyes. When I noted that I was placing this on the panel, I was legitimately surprised by how well Jon predicted the track's general structure despite not even having any way to listen to it yet. Clearly, he shouldn't have been able to do that, yet here we are. This was an improvement over the previous version due to the composition having more complexity, but there's not nearly enough finesse or direction with the execution here. Gotta walk before you can run. :'-( NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palpable Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Definitely an improvement on the last version, though it barely resembles it. I get much more of a sense of where this track is rhythmically, and I think it's easier to place as an arrangement of the original. You've got a better grip on slotting instruments together in this version and making something cohesive out of them. Decent main groove too. Nonetheless, this has major problems. There's still no overall direction in the piece. That groove from 0:26 to 0:54 has a good texture but you hold it nearly constant. Where is it going? It's followed by a drum fill that comes out-of-nowhere, and another section that doesn't really fit with what proceeds it. You've got things like that across the board: random cymbal crashes, unmelodic piano notes, abrupt ending. Above everything else, you need to focus on song unity and being purposeful with what you do. I can't stress this enough because it applies to everything of yours I've heard. After you put anything into a song, listen to it and think about whether it really belongs there. A drum fill might sound good on its own but it doesn't go in every song. If you can clear this hurdle, Alex, I think it will be a huge step in improving your songwriting. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkeSword Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Yeah, Jon nailed it. This song doesn't really have a purpose except to meander aimlessly over drumbeatz. Like Vinnie said, there's no direction at all. Add to that the fact that the entire soundscape is harsh and everything is mechanically sequenced and I'm left not knowing where to begin with fixing it. You and I have discussed what it means for a song to have direction and cohesion before, and I've shown you examples, so try to take that to heart before sending another piece our way, because what Jon said was right; thusfar, your submissions have all suffered from the same basic, fatal flaws. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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