Sunken Dreams (Mario 64 Sunken Ship stage)

[Elcar]

Hey there!

This would be my first proper try at remixing a song from a game, in this case Mario 64. The song in the mix would be the theme that played on the sunken ship stage. I was aiming for a trancy/dance vibe with it, hence the dragged out intro. I'm aware that it's a bit formulaic, so that's why any comment and suggestion would be greatly appreciated! Many thanks!

Here's the link: http://www.mediafire.com/?jljgdkjmkhw

----------[ Updates ]----------

[1/24/10] http://www.mediafire.com/?zjygt5mlkf4

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And I even made a little cover art for it!

[Spakku]

Way too much intro.

Playing the melody completely straight doesn't work at all with your "trancy/dance vibe" it really just sounds like you pasted it on top of an unrelated song. Mix it up a little.

[Elcar]

I see your point. What would you suggest I do to mix it up?

[Spakku]

Fuck if I know, you're the artist.

[MechaFone]

Spakku, there's really no call to be rude.

Elcar, it sounds like you have a pretty decent start here. I'm not very helpful in how to improve remixes, but I can tell you you have a decent mix. It's pretty straightforward, yeah, but all it takes is a little creative thinking. Try creating your own original melody and mixing that up with the source tune, and try starting these melodies closer to the beginning, rather than starting at 1:20.

I don't have more than that to add, so give it a try and see what you come up with. Good luck!

[Sir_Snooze]

Hey there!

I was aiming for a trancy/dance vibe with it, hence the dragged out intro. I'm aware that it's a bit formulaic, so that's why any comment and suggestion would be greatly appreciated! Many thanks!

And I even made a little cover art for it!

Liking the cover art, man!

But, you've got your own critique bang-on. Your approach is a pretty good dance track underneath a re-do of the melody. A few suggestions to fix that:

1) A breakdown. Sticking in a few dynamic tempo shifts, or one really big one with some sort of lead-up gives a piece a lot more energy and is a break from the initial melody. Don't rehash the melody.

2) This is a personal taste sorta-thing, but I find the stacking intro (in general) a little cliche. Try to incorporate some of the spirit of the original. Think, for example: what's Mario doing? Try something part determined, part-worried - think martial & a nice, sexy drone combined.

3) Change the melody instrument - it's way too close to the original, and the judges will nab you on it hardcore.

I'm not sure why, but when I hear the source, I get Gigi D'Agostino vibes. YouTube "bla bla bla" - see if it inspires you. Hope that helps!

[Spakku]

If I sounded offensive, I didn't mean it that way.

I swear very casually.

[Elcar]

Thanks for the feedback guys! =D

I changed a few things up now. I cut some of the intro out, starting the song a bit stronger. Added a few more melodies, and a bit of a breakdown buildup part. The arrangement itself probably won't be final, but I definetly see a difference in the song's dynamic now thanks to the suggestions! Check it out:

http://www.mediafire.com/?zjygt5mlkf4

PS. Sir_Snooze, that track gave me a few ideas, thanks for the heads up! =]

[Nekofrog]

Let me preface this review by saying that this is well removed from my genre of expertise, so I could be wrong in my interpretation of some of this stuff, but I feel like I'm fairly accurate in my assessment.

ARRANGEMENT / INTERPRETATION

[X] Too conservative - sticks too close to the source

PRODUCTION

[X] Drums have no energy

PERFORMANCE (live recorded audio/MIDI parts)

[X] Wrong notes

STRUCTURE

[X] Not enough changes in sounds (eg. static texture, not dynamic enough)

[X] Too repetitive

PERSONAL COMMENTS (positive feedback, specifics on checklist criticisms, any other thoughts)

Okay, let me clarify a few of my bulletpoints up above, because I have a few problems.

For the arrangement, I was very torn between TOO CONSERVATIVE and TOO LIBERAL. How? Well, it essentially goes on a 2 minute tangent where it has no real melody, just the same general chord progression as the source. I couldn't decide if that was too conservative in interpretation or too liberal in that it departed from the original too much by emulating one of its chord progressions repeatedly. So I went with conservative. Just thought I'd justify that.

Drums have no energy: it's not so much a lack of energy because the drums sound just fine, the drums are one element of my main overall issue with the piece (which I bullet pointed later and will explain later -- the repetitiveness.

Wrong notes under performance, there's an entire section of the song (starting at around 1:16 approximately) where it's the chord progression repeating itself, and then at 1:43 it's joined by notes that clash with the chord progression -- they're too dissonant for my ears. Also, upon re-listening a fifth time I just picked up on the chimey-sounds that come in at 2:10 -- they just sound a hair off. Again, just a bit of dissonance. Maybe I'm wrong.

For structure, the two ticked options are my biggest issue with the piece. The song essentially repeats the same chord progression for 3 minutes and is occasionally joined in by another layer of sound, sometimes clashing and causing a bit of dissonance with what it joined. Near the finale, I'm not even sure most of the stuff is in the same key.

[Spakku]

Sounds better than before, the original melody makes for a pretty nice intro. Feels to me like it wants to transition into something else the way you have it, though; up to 1:15 it sounds like it's prepping to bring in a new lead melody or at least a shift in tone. Kind of anticlimactic at about the point you realize it's just going playing the chords.

And the chimes are definitely a little off key.

[Sir_Snooze]

Mkay - a definite improvement! Thanks for pitching that stacking intro. Neko makes a point - to make sure (not that I don't trust Neko - I missed it the first time), I plugged in my headphones...and...yeah. You've got tuning problems at 1:43. Those chimes, too, but I'm not sure I mind them. I'll let you know when I re (re, re) listen to it.

You've done some good work thus far - now, you gotta make it your own. If you liked Gigi D'Agostino, give some of his ideas a try. Bla Bla Bla works because of the vocal samples he uses to make the song - the Riddle is another good tune. Find an electronica artist that works for you, and mimic them. I'm not sure if this works for this sort of thing, but I got my trumpet sound by mimicing people I like (Maynard Ferguson, Bill Chase, Bill Watrous [trombone, I know], Louis Armstrong...you get the idea). Because I can't do it exactly like they do, I find my own style by mimicing and seeing what happens.

Clear up your tuning problems and just listen to people for a while. I don't care who - Coburn, BoC, Mu-Ziq, Bola, Basshunter - whatever floats your boat. Find their style - something that really clicks with you. Try to stick that feeling into your tune. Keep it aquatic, if you know what I mean. To be completely honest, I think this'd make an awesome ambient track...I'd have a tough time dancing it up. For now, try to find a style, mimic it with your own twists, remember the environment, and clear up your tuning troubles. This is an improvement over your last track!

Neko's right about repitition, too - try to change up your chord structure. Don't leave it bare, if you can. At the same time, don't clutter the soundscape. It's a delicate balance, but you do have to put some meat on the track.

Good luck!