Alundra Rap - I Am the Dreamwalker

[The Legendary Zoltan]

UPDATE: This mix is finished and I even made a video for it. Thank you very much. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmdOlQGMYZM

So this is MOSTLY finished. I'm really just looking for mixing advice and overall impressions upon listening. I get the feeling it still sounds rather amateurish but I'm not sure how to go about fixing it. I am open to re-recording vocals if you think parts are not good enough so let me know. Thanks. I would like to submit this to OCR because there isn't very much rap here but the main function of this is going to be a YouTube video. I want to make a lot of VGM raps and make it a thing that I do, so...

https://soundcloud.com/legendaryzoltan/work-in-progress-i-am-the

LYRICS

Your hand in mine, breathe in time, it's dreamwalker time.

I'm inside of Tarn's

Manor. I didn't even knock first because of bad

manners. The house is empty except for, you know,

God! Or so this demon claims but I know that he's a

fraud. His name is Melzas. That's what I named my dog.

I'm just trying to open the door and step inside.

But I can't because freakin' Melzas freakin'...URRRGH!

It's so infuriating that I broke down and cried.

Manly tears. The kind that lift weights, play Halo, drink Mountain Dew, and hang glide!

I'm just hear to pick up a book that Tarn left on the table.

And after I get it I'm gonna go home and fix me a bagel singing dah dah dah...

I'm gonna spread butter all over it singing dah dah dah...

Cause there's a life on the line in Inoa

You say I can't do it but I'm gonna show ya

how I walk through dreams to slay you.

I'm not like Link, I'm the whole website.

I don't have a curfew. I stay up all night.

I'm the releaser. You're the deceiver.

I've bro'd more dudes than an XBOX achiever.

Just wait 'till I get that Book of Elna.

I'll walk through dreams to slay you.

Melzas!

You're messing with the wrong elf!

I outzelda'd Zelda.

It's time to kick some MelzASS!

I am the dreamwalker.

I am the land stalker.

I heat things up and burn

like an Xbone GPU overclocker.

My sword is legendary.

My chest is very hairy.

I'm not like Link. I'd never date the same girl

for 26 years and never pop her cherry.

I hope that was not offensive, but the phrase

"Zelda clone" makes me a little defensive.

Play A Link to the Past and then play me,

it will traumatize you and destroy your senses.

Give it up like Phil Fish.

This is a fool's endeavor.

But we all know that if you're a gamer,

you're the worst people ever!

No! Damn it! I wanted to be a dreamwalker! Why'd Phil have to say that!?

Edited August 27, 2013 by The Legendary Zoltan

[Damashii!!]

looked at the lyrics first and was a bit skeptical that this would be really cheesy (no offense, and my bad for jumping to conclusions before even giving you a chance).... but then I listened to it, and Zoltan this is sooooo silly yet really good . If this is your first rap ever, then congratulations because you've got yourself a fan already and I'd really like to hear more.

Now, concerning the negatives, the 'beat' reeeeaaally takes away from how classy and hammy the vocals are. If you want to keep the symphonic metal/hip hop hybrid thing, I strongly suggest changing the percussion to a dirty south trap/hype kind of beat, because I'm totally getting that vibe with your vocal delivery.

If not dirty south/trap, you could have a NY/Philly boom bap kind of feel or something, but the point I'm getting at is that you could keep all the orchestral elements and guitars, but that beat is incredibly boring compared to how enthusiastic and lively the vocals are (but the "da da da" part had me grinnin pretty good).

Not to hijack your thread or rep my own self, but here's an example of what you could go for with the trap feel:

I'm kind of doing the opposite of you, trying to shift from hip hop to better myself in metal/rock.

Keep the orchestral/symphonic/metal elements present, but just phatten that beat waaaaay more with some hard hitting 808 rapid fire drums. You feel me?

good shiz, though. looking forward to more!

[The Legendary Zoltan]

OK. Wait a minute dude! lol. I'm not 100% clear on what you mean, man. Do you want me to change the beat itself or just use more hip hop-appropriate drum samples? I listened to the track you linked and I'd say that my beat is similar at least at the beginning. Later on my beat evolves into a more groovy kind of galloping beat. I like the drums I wrote but I am definitely up for using better rap drum samples. You suggest 808? Any other good ones? Spending money on quality sound is definitely a possibility for me.

There aren't actually any guitars in this. The drumset I used is probably better for rock though. I don't need to have the rock feel I just want to keep the orchestral parts.

Thanks a lot for your advice man. I'm probably going to stick with these vocals and just follow your advice on sound and mixing and then move on to the next track which should be an improvement over this one.

[OneUp]

The beat need to be much bigger and more hiphop, maybe something like this:

. 1:29 and forward you really have something going, it actually sounds like hiphop I think you should repeat those strings to create something more flowing (like in the Jedi Mind Tricks song). The rap could be more flowing as well, focus on the snare (and emphasize the snare drum a lot more) and align the rhymes with it. As for the rap itself, I like your voice but I'd like more attitude, you should sound pissed not happy. Don't smile when you record. These aren't goofy lines, you're dead serious and you mean everything you say! You don't have to try to sound black though I don't like the singing part at 1:14 btw, it sounds to goofy, at least add some harmonies.

Listen to hiphop and imitate.

Edited August 9, 2013 by OneUp

[Damashii!!]

HA ha ha haaaaa! "Don't smile when you record." You'd hate to be near me when I'm recording then.

Ah, could've sworn I heard guitars, but I guess it was just the bass stacked with the strings or something. No, no, don't worry about buying an MPK or anything like that. For that Runescape track I specifically just used a cheesy 808 (or 909, whatever) lame sound from one of Sonar's bundled plugins (The Roland GrooveSynth, with some HEAVY assss processing on the 808 tom patch). What I meant was you could keep the rhythm patterns if you want, but change the actual sounds of the percussion to a sound that is much more of a staple of hip hop (like the 808 synthy kind of drums, or the super phat compressed tubberware sounding boom bap drums).

And if all else fails you could just splice up some old school drum breaks and build your beat off of that (ex., do I even need to bring up how many different songs have sampled "The Amen Break?"). The drum sounds in that JMT that OneUp suggested are reaaaaally great (especially contrasted against the string stuff you got going on as well).

*pfffft, never though I'd see a JMT track posted in a thread like this. that's awesome.

however, I gotta disagree with OneUp's opinion about being goofy. I like your vocal performance since going by the lyrics it is a bit of a goofy song and I think it works well regardless of the beat, but yeah, there'd be no harm with re-recording them with a grittier HRRRNNNNNGGGG kind of performance.

Still digging the 'da da da' part. =)

ha ha ha haaa, 'don't smile when you record'... now every single damn time I step in front of a mic, you know I'll start busting out laughing, right?

[OneUp]

HA ha ha haaaaa! "Don't smile when you record." You'd hate to be near me when I'm recording then.

Haha, what I really meant was "don't smile when you're recording this song" 'cause as I said, I want more attitude in this track

[The Legendary Zoltan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmdOlQGMYZM

Here you go guys. Thank you both for all the great advice. I definitely agreed with OneUp about the sung sections and followed his advice and added a harmony. I also changed the drums to hip hop sounding drums and I think that Damashii was right on the money with that advice. You guys ROCK!

I hope you enjoy it!