Chimpazilla Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) first resub decision original decision ReMixer name: AlmightyArceus Real Name: Jordan Email: UserID: 33305 Game Arranged: Pokemon Black/White, Black 2/White 2; Chrono Trigger Name of Arrangement: "Oracle of the Spire" Name of Individual Songs Arranged: "Tower of Heaven"; "Secret of the Forest" Link to each original: Tower of Heaven: Secret of the Forest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJzedahyjXE Comments: So this is an old project that was really my first/most ambitious shot at getting on OCRemix. I submitted this remix twice, and the second try it was just shy of passing. I've had this retooling of this mix sitting here for over a year now, so I figured I'd give it another try. There are a lot of chordal changes and fun little interludes intermixed within this remix of mine. I tried to capture a more playful tone than the original "Tower of Heaven" which is a more somber and discomforting tune that plays mainly in minor/augmented chords. My mix is heavily based in Bb major and creates a much more light feeling, and the lead synth plays up high while the pads add that white cloud for which it is to play on. The Chrono Trigger part comes in near the end, and was incorporated later into the mix due to many people pointing out the similarities between the themes. I decided to have a little fun referencing it in its own little bridge section near the end. This section is darker than the opening section, and comes after a section that emulates the tension from the original "Tower of Heaven" theme and then breaks down into this more somber section. Coming straight out of the bridge you see the light once more and the synth begins playing and prancing around at the top as before. I worked off a lot of the comments that were left on the previous mix, and so altered my ending which some of the judges had called a "cop out" ending, and made it more long the lines of playful and happy, as a bit of a last hurrah up in the clouds, ending on a harmonious Eb major chord. It's a fun piece to listen to in my own opinion, and I hope that I bring that same emotion to you, and that this old piece that I have been working on since my start at OCR will gain your approval. Thanks! Link to Remix: (remix also attached) Edited September 8, 2014 by Liontamer closed decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkeSword Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 The synth flying all over the place is excessive, indulgent, aimless, and distracting. Piano starts doing the same thing later on in the piece and it's extremely mechanical. Not really feeling this piece at all. Said this the last time I heard it. I feel like it still applies, for the most part. Synth lead is especially still just going off in weird directions; it's like you're afraid of sustained notes. Whatever; I suppose it's just a compositional style that doesn't jive with my personal tastes. It really is excessive on a second listen-through, though. Arrangement is pretty creative, and not badly produced either. I could see other Js passing this. Gonna vote NO for now, but if any other Js give some solid arguments, I can change my vote to close this out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutritious Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Interesting, this source sounds like a mashup of CT - Secret of the Forest and one of the Dungeon themes from Zelda LTTP. I can see why you'd choose the former as a second source choice. Liking the airy synth feel behind the beat. Nice, meaty kick/snare sounds. Was a bit surprised when it dropped out so quickly, but it came back equally as quickly. Source connections are pretty clear, though it sounds like things go off the rails a bit as the song progresses with how far the synth soloing strays. Not sure about some of the note choices at 4:11. Also, by the end of the track it felt like things were dragging on needlessly because there's not much contrast sound-wise with the rest of the song and the continued synth noodling. 2:45 is a good example where, despite the double-time beat, nothing much changes in the background parts. That would've been a good opportunity to get some contrast from the rest of the track for a while before the complete drop off into pad land. At times, the track feels a bit out of balance. The lead parts (lead synth when it gets quieter, piano part at 1:32) sound too far back in the soundfield, partly because of how wet the reverb is on them. At other times, they sound fine. I'm conflicted on this one. You've got really positive stuff on one hand: bass/pads/beat create this REALLY good backing track, but on the other hand, the constant synth movement really wears on me by, say, the 4:30 mark. I was ready to pass this thing on the strength of the production, but the more I listen, the more the lead writing is bugging me. tl;dr version: scale back the writing - like DS said, sustained notes are OK; trim the fat from the arrangement (a good 90 - 120 seconds could come off without negatively impacting the track); BUT keep the backing feel and beats. NO borderline, resubmit, please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimpazilla Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 The guys have summed up the issues nicely. Production here is really nice, although a tad overly wet. Arrangement is clever, source is represented well. Drums sound simple but good. There are some good percussion fills. The main issues are: 1. lead writing - it is busy full time with no respite, and in some spots it feels like you went a little too far outside of the range of notes that work in the key you are in. Also, be careful when writing these melodies to try to keep some contour, what you've got here is incredibly jumpy at times. Google "melodic contour" if you're unclear about what I mean. 2. lead timbre - that main lead is a very simple square, it cuts through almost too well, has no modulation and sounds almost abrasive, especially given the busy writing. It sticks out quite prominently against the ethereal backing. 3. piano suffers from same issues as the square lead, writing is too busy at times and goes into some weird note progressions. In some sections the piano is sequenced well, other places it sounds mechanical. Piano is not a dealbreaker for me in this mix, though. The sample itself sounds pretty good. I'd recommend experimenting with your main square lead, find a way to soften it, reduce some of its harmonics, give it some modulation, or try other timbres. You may even want to switch to a different lead somewhere, for variety and to break up the samey soundscape. And definitely scale back the writing, you can certainly have one or two places with wild soloing, just not this much throughout the track. Also make sure the notes are actually working within the parameters of the key you are writing in. I realize that after three submissions of this track, you are facing somewhat of a hurdle. Take this chance to refine your craft, given the advice you've been given on all three submissions here. You may want to reach out to one or two trusted people to help you refine the leadwork on this song, BEFORE resubmitting to us again, and waiting for our reviews. Don't be discouraged, the track has a lot of positives, and with these issues solved, you'll write lots of winners! NO (resub) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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