Liontamer Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 (edited) Remixer name: Poetic Sync Name: Luke Pennings Website: https://soundcloud.com/luke-pennings Name of Game Arranged: Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island Name of Arrangement: Ragtime Clubbin Name of Arranged song: Athletic Theme ------------------------- Edited November 10, 2014 by Liontamer closed decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Overall, this was an interesting approach to try, but it just doesn't click at all, IMO. What's up with how this is mixed at :19? As soon as the beats came in, this was muddy/indistinct, except for the super dry, exposed claps that stick out like a sore thumb and didn't mesh with the other instrumentation. Texturally, this is just really awkward thanks to those claps. The beat-writing was super basic, the lead synths didn't double well with the piano, and those claps thrown in so dry sounded really beginner-ish. There's just no sophistication with how this is pieced together. The saloon piano was the best part, but I didn't feel the other components worked with it. Sorry, Luke, I wish I could be more supportive and complimentary, because this IS a ballsy approach, but most of the part-writing was too simplistic, and I'm really not hearing the various genre ideas combine effectively. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimpazilla Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I agree with Larry, I love the idea, but the piano sounds muddy and also very mechanical. When the beat drops, the bass you are using has a ton of upper end buzz which is great, but you're also using a saw lead and the piano at the same time... all three of these timbres just blur together. You'll need to put in some work to decide which timbres you want to play in which frequency range, and carefully eq them. If you can't make the timbres play nicely together without them masking this much, you might want to consider replacing some of the timbres if not totally, then at least during the parts where everything plays (for example, use a non-buzzy bass during that part). Also you seem to have just written one piano pattern and one lead pattern and one drum pattern. Some variation somewhere would be really helpful and fun. I like the part that starts at 1:38, lots of fun unique ideas here, you could even add more sounds and I'd be ok with that (again being careful about masking). Agreed also with Larry that the claps really stick out. The clap is the one sound that manages to pierce this fuzzy soundscape which is actually a good thing... except that the clap is the ONLY thing that pierces the fuzzy soundscape. The claps come off sounding very dry. They will need some reverb and I recommend stereo-widening them too. You could have some fun with effects on the clap at some point also. Great start, groovy ideas, needs a bit more writing development and a mixing overhaul. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OceansAndrew Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 It sounds really off in studio phones and monitors, but pretty good in earbuds. I think the idea is really good, and the execution is close but in need of tweaking. The production crits by my esteemed and also ridiculously awesome co-judges are a good way to get it tweaked, so what I will spend most of my time discussing is the arrangement. The main issue and one that is in absolute need of adjustment before OCR can pass this is the repetition of the A section seemingly ad-infinitum. The repetition kills it, even with minor variations on instruments dropping out or adding up. A suggestion to you is to incorporate the Ragtime piece from Mario World 1 as well, to mix things up melodically, and it would really fit as a B section. There is a bit of expansion of the track with some original vamp sections, which is fine, but when it is just vamp and 'a section', there isn't enough keeping the track interesting. I also think humanizing things a bit would be nice, though the mechanically played saloon piano has a bit of a choppy feel that I can appreciate. Overall this is a good idea for a track but it needs more work. I hope to hear a resub! No, please resubmit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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