Liontamer Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Original Decision: http://ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=8157 name: Shaun Wallace avaris.studios@gmail.com remixer name: avaris 88369 Andrew Leurs ReMixer name: OA Andrew@oceansend.com http://www.oceansend.com 13647 Andrew Skrypnyk djskrypnyk@gmail.com 6278 Alrrrighty so when redoing this song we tried to improve on everything you guys liked and trashed everything else. Big thanks goes to Hemophiliac for helping Skryp and I in the initial process of redoing this song. I tried to add some orchestral strings to fill out the mix but things weren't clicking. Then OA joined in on the fun providing some sweet string action and some little epiano riffs. Thanks for listening. ~Shaun --------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.zophar.net/gbs/ffa.zip - Track 1 ("Rising Sun") Mostly good. The intro sounded way better but was meandering from :21-:30. To me, the drums at :32 didn't fit at all and were too punchy and loud within the texture. Not sure what was up with the transition at :57; not the smoothest one I've ever heard. Overly thick drums returned at 1:12. Didn't understand how the cymbal crashes are nice and light, but the drums are so loud. And the drums just kept going until 1:55. The percussion changeup could have also been handled less abruptly. Aside from those drums returning at 2:40, 2:40-on was where things started locking together more as DarkeSword would say. I really liked the harmonies within the arrangement, and things developed well. Andy with some sexy but subtle e-piano work at 3:31; well done. The textures were extra swanky, and once things had picked up at 2:46, even those drums I disliked clicked a lot better with the other sounds. I hate to kick this one in the junk, as you guys are getting a lot of things right. But what's wrong feels very wrong and takes me out of listening experience, especially them drums. Is anybody feeling me on this? In any case, tweak it, send it on back. To me, the arrangement is fine and doesn't need to be touched. Now you just gotta tighten the bolts and screws for the first half as well as some of the transitions. NO (refine/resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 I noticed zirc mention we give more attention to RESUBs. Apparently not this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big giant circles Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Well, the first minute had some issues with texture as well as the partwriting. Namely, the string ensemble playing the melody with no harmony or layering. Definitely should have been some harmonies to keep that from sounding too thin. Plus, I didn't feel like the bass support was really there. Sounds like some kind of warm pad placed underneath the strings and drums--which I regret to say sounds like a placeholder in the WIP phase of simply creating the general structure before you go back and flesh it out, as Larry might say. The song sounded a little more full at 1:11 when the heavier drums and various other elements set in. I gotta be honest and say that I'm really not feeling the pad so much in this one. More like, not feeling the context in which it's used. I feel like there's got to be something else that can be used to fill in the uh, middle space perhaps? of this track. Also, I highly recommend not using an entire string ensemble patch for such a monophonic lead. At 1:56 when Skryp makes his entrance with his trademark IDM sequencing, I didn't really feel like the other instruments really complimented them, as well as each other. The ethnic bell lead and synthetic plucked instrument just end up sounding kind of forced and also contribute to the strings feeling so overexposed. At 3:30 where the sinewave (I think) arp kicks in for some support--I really liked that. I think it would have solidified a lot of other parts of the mix to have more countermelodic support such as that, as well as the aforementioned implementation of more harmonies. Also, being as familiar with the original as I am, there were a few times when I felt like the progression was either being dragged or forced across the space--typically denoted by the bassline taking an alternate route that didn't quite seem a natural fit. 0:57 - 1:10 is a good example of such. Then, at 1:45 where you bypass the walkdown from 6 to 5 to 4 and just jump straight from 6 to 4, that's another place where something doesn't seem to fit. (I do realize that basslines can be manipulated in most cases) but in this instance, it just didn't fit. Also, the rhythm seemed off at times. Well, not really the rhythm, but the meter, I suppose. Like, instead of doing a 4 beat change up, there were times where the bass/chords would change on 2 or something, and then last 4 beats, and it got to the point where the downbeat (count 1) seemed really difficult to distinguish from the third (count 3). Anyway, sorry for the long stream of criticims here, dudes. Not a bad track, but I've got to be genuinely and respectfully honest when I say that I don't feel like this ones close in it's current form, and it's not just a quick "tweak/resubmit" fix. Perhaps the 3rd judge (whenever someone finally gets around to it) will offer some better advice, and less pointing-out of the weaker points, like I've done. Shaun, Skryp, and OA, you're all definitely adequate artists, and I'm always enjoying the constant progress from each of you. You've all 3 got mixes accepted here, so you know well enough individually where the bar is. So keep at it, yo. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJT Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I just lost a long writeup when firefox crashed. It was already pretty harsh, so I'll try not to let my frustration add any unnecessary negativity to my second attempt. With that out of the way, keep in mind that I'm only going to be brutal because you guys are good enough to know better. Okay. So, at :32 you've got a thick drum beat. This indicates to me that you'd like there to be a heavy, laid back groove. That's cool. If that's the case though, why the hell are you using a synth-string with a slow attack as the bass? That makes absolutely no sense! No attack = no groove. There is a reason that jazz bass players pluck the strings when laying down a bassline. This is basic stuff, guys. The transition at 1:03 is strange and upsetting. The drums fadeout awkwardly, and the bass just stops before it gets back to the root, leaving the 3 different leads in tonal purgatory. If that wasn't bad enough, the aforementioned melodic elements compete with each other (this is actually true for most of the song), so I don't know what I'm supposed to be listening to. Then the drums and bass stumble back randomly (it sounds like), and I'm left unsettled, like someone just dragged a dead body through my living room. The section at 1:56 is pure schizophrenia. The drum track would be cool, if it was supposed to be the focus of this section. It's not however. I mean, I think. I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA what the the focus of this section is supposed to be, because by 2:10 there are 20 bajillion different sounds that are individually fighting for my attention. Nothing blends, nothing works together to create a coherent whole. It's like 5 different songs were sliced up, converted into the same key/tempo, and then sewn back together. Okay, sorry for that, but if you guys are serious about getting this up to snuff, you need a good kick in the ass. Here's what to do if you want to move forward: 1) Be deliberate about your arrangement. What are we supposed to be listening to? Decide, and then make sure other elements of the arrangement aren't detracting from that. 2) Make sure the chord progression is clear. I mean you guys should have at least one instrument playing chords at some point. Its funny to me that you have so many melodies happening simultaneously, with virtually no harmonic support (save the bass, but that only covers the root). 3) Have an instrument with some ATTACK play the bassline. For example, an electric bass would fit that bill. I dunno, just throwing out ideas there. 4) Watch the mixing on those drums. Check the levels. Larry is right about the crash at 1:11. I know what sound you're going for, but it doesn't sound right when it's mixed like it's 4 rooms over. 5) I'm not clear on who did what here (so this isn't directed at anyone), but maybe too many cooks spoils the broth in this case? At the very least, make sure that when you add people to a track, you've all got an idea of the big picture, and how their additions will fit into that. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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