I must be a got-dang moron.

[Meteo Xavier]

But there's no other alternative......

Where is the damn HUMANIZER function and how do I use it effectively?

[zircon]

ALT+Q to apply swing quantization

ALT+R to apply randomization/humanization

Come on, man. It's right there in the piano roll menu.

[Meteo Xavier]

Maybe I need a better idea of what a humanizer is exactly. I got the impression it was a function that randomly dipped the volume level of a channel so make it sound more realistic.

[zircon]

That's exactly what it does, or rather, what it CAN do. Put some notes in the piano roll. Press ALT+R. Check "Levels" and uncheck "Pattern" if it is selected. Turn the "Vol" knob up a bit. Notice how the velocities of your notes are now different than what they were? Now cycle through the "Seed" to get a bunch of different permutations. Increasing the "Vol" knob makes the random variance even more noticeable. If you only want stuff to go down, uncheck "Bipolar" and just turn the "Vol" knob down. All the randomization will only decrease volume now, rather than increase and sometimes decrease.