Liontamer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hello Judging panel! I've got a re-resub which is also a project mix for you guys (and girl) to check out. Remixers - Avaris, DragonAvenger, Retlaf Games - Radical Dreamers, Chrono Cross Tracks - Radical Dreamers Track 8 - 9/17: Requiem ~ Dream Shore (2) Chrono Cross At the Dream's Shore ~ Another World Original Decision (A): http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=4594 Original Decision (: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=7866 Remix: PROJECT MIX & RESUB Link: Avaris' notes - Ok so this mix was pretty much gutted. Big thanks to Retlaf for sending me a 4 bar midi sequence with some ideas. That lil section turned into the bridge in the intro and the completely redone 2nd main section. The ending is also a blending of both sources...that took the longest. The rhythms were done by taking one loop and performing different FX on it and then slicing and dicing the ever living crap out of it. I'm really glad to see this mix finished. It took an entire year and numerous revisions to make. A huge thanks to everyone on the RD project and others for all of their comments and ideas that really helped mold this into what it is. Also a big thanks to DA for doing even yet another vocal retake when we took out all of the tempo changes. DragonAvenger's notes - This went through quite an overhaul, and I'm really glad it did, because the result has improved from the original mix way back when. Besides another (couple) complete re-records, the biggest change for me was in the second verse, which I reworked to be different from the source tune. Geoffrey Taucer suggested a countermelody for that verse which I created and Prophet of Mephisto helped smooth out. The rest of the vocals remain mostly the same, though I changed a few timing issues that had been brought up in the other judgings. I'm looking forward to when this get's released with the RD project! The Lyrics: Dreaming of a shore on another world; Endless seas and sand far as I can see. Is this where I'm meant to be? Is this my fate, my destiny? Dreaming of my shadow staring at me; (Dreaming of my shadow staring) Is this real, or a mirror of what I see?(At me, looking right at my soul) Am I the true reality, Or am I just a reflection? Searching for a shore on another world Where I'll seek the truth of my existence. Do my answers lie on this shore? Will I find you among the sand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vig Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 The first minute and a half of the track are really sparse. The track never gets too dense, but it's clearly a stylistic choice. But the beginning is a little too empty. Something's bugging me about the vocals..they almost sound mechanical...perhaps because you force out the syllables quickly and forcefully...hard to pinpoint. Maybe pixie knows what I'm talking about. This is on the line for me, but I feel like it's a bit too sparse and stiff. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkeSword Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Agreed. There's a sparseness in the beginning; you could have done better with a deeper texture, even as we go through the song proper. Not sure about the clarinet countermelody in the first verse, especially at 2:02; something weird going on there harmonically with the voice and clarinet. As for the vocals, I'm ambivalent. The voice is nice, but I'm neither a fan of the lyrics or how they fit in with the melody; phrases seem to end earlier than expected. The performance does have kind of a disjointed quality as well. Perhaps that's a stylistic decision? I can't say for sure, but I think something less rigid would contrast better over the stiffer backing track. NO resub (is that terrible of me to say, considering this is the 3rd time this is on the panel? In my defense, this is the first time I've voted on this piece. :\ ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 Yeah, I know Madame Avenger wanted me to feedback this earlier, but I just don't have much time for evaluating material that's not on the panel. Currently, submitting is basically how you be sure to get feedback from me. Let's see what we got. http://snesmusic.org/v2/download.php?spcNow=rd - "Requiem ~ Dream Shore (2)" [rd-09.spc] http://tzone.org/~llin/psf/packs2/Chrono_Cross_psf.rar - 107 "Dream of the Shore Bordering Another World" The intro was still weird, with choppy mechanical sequencing on the lead and no real melodic qualities. Might as well have cut out all of the first :42 seconds, IMO. Picked up a bit stronger as the song finally built up. That gliding synth brought in at :53, the writing on it just wasn't harmonizing well with the other writing. So far, there's a lack of cohesion the in both the writing and the sound choices. Even in light of the relative sparseness, the texture sounds busy for the sake of being busy, but wasn't effectively done. If this was to be overhauled, I would have scrapped most of the structure here. DA arrived at 1:33. A little hit and miss still in terms of the syllable structure of the lyrics, but ok IMO. The instrumentation sounding so unfocused tended to bring her down inadvertently. I felt her voiced wasn't couched in the soundscape effectively enough (echoing what DarkeSword said about the vocals feeling too disjointed from the music), plus I didn't feel the percussion anchored or directed the flow of the piece. The harmonization at 2:32 was a decent idea, but the vocals still sounded too dry despite the effects. I probably would have switched the foreground and background vocals there opening that section up. The performance could use some production touch-ups on some of the drier, more exposed parts, with 2:39-2:41 "...dow, staring" and 2:53 "what" standing out, even though the criticism isn't major. Not feeling the closing section at all starting from 3:51's transition during the vocals. There are a lot of style changes here (:42, 2:20, 3:05, 3:51) where the transitions aren't cohesive IMO. The dynamic of the track ended up awkward as a result. Dunno if it's worth it to attempt to revisit this one after so many attempts, but I would rethink the approach to the instrumentation more than anything else. It needs more direction and cohesion. Some of the writing could be scrapped in favor of something smoother in order to maintain a smoother, more natural dynamic. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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