Leaderboard

Another year, another Twas. Yes, it's that time yet again, where I go off on a rhyming spree and concoct a tale of Christmasy stuff. This one's a long one... seriously. It's the longest one I've written to date. If you have to pee, do it now. And if you don't have to pee, you probably will by the time you reach the end. So get comfy and here... we... go! 'Twas XX: Head 'Em Off At The Pass by The Coop Twas two days before Christmas and throughout the hall, a small-ish group of people were enjoying all the food and atmosphere that had been set up for the big end of year party for Toby's Decor. The small hall had been rented just outside of town for the employees to have some fun and get down. The ten people who worked for one Toby McGlare, chatted and mingled as some music filled the air. Among those who had gathered was one Bert Deline, who talked with his colleagues and sipped on the cheap wine that had been provided for those in attendance; wine not too good or bad, so it straddled that fence. But as he talked to Fred, who he'd worked with awhile, Toby came up to Bert and gave Bert a big smile. “How are ya, Bert my boy?” Toby asked as he slid an arm around Bert's shoulders, and walked as he did. “I'm good,” Bert replied as he strolled with Toby. “You?” Toby said, “I'm fine, thanks. You know, I wanted to “come by and say thank you for helping make this year one that ended up being a truly top tier “stretch for my company. It couldn't have happened if it weren't for people like you, Bert my friend. “In Phoenix Arizona, we are the top place to go to when folks want to decorate their space!” “You're welcome, Toby,” Bert smiled. “And thank you as well from both myself, and of course, from my wife Michelle. “I've really enjoyed getting to come to work here. And I hope I can help do this again next year.” Toby laughed a bit and said, “Don't worry about what's to come with this place. Just enjoy this blowout.” With a pat on Bert's back, Toby walked away and spoke with someone else nearby as he shook their hand. With a big shit-eating grin, Bert walked back to Fred and took the time to repeat what Toby had said. When Michelle soon returned from her trip to the loo, Bert told her all about what Toby had said, too. But after another hour, the party wound down. Everyone said their goodbyes and drove back to town. Twas a fun night with coworkers that ended well for everyone there, including Bert and Michelle. The next morning saw Bert sleep in a little bit. But soon Michelle called out, “Get up you lazy shit!” “Yeah yeah,” Bert replied before he let out a yawn. “God forbid that I'd sleep in a little past dawn.” Michelle entered the room as he sat up in bed. She leaned down and kissed him with, “Mornin', sleepy head.” “Now you're nice to me?” he grinned as she did the same. “Get your cute butt up,” she said, “or it's you I'll blame “if we end up missing our flight this afternoon.” “We've got eight hours,” he said. “Why get ready so soon?” “Because you procrastinate,” she said as she stood, and added, “and don't give yourself the time you should.” “I'm not that bad,” he chuckled. “Uh huh,” she replied. “You couldn't be on time for something if you tried.” He repeated what she'd said in a mocking tone, making her laugh as he stood up with a small groan. The morning continued as they got dressed and ate, packed their clothes and supplies, then proceeded to wait. It was just 9 A.M., and their flight was at three. That left plenty of time to kill, which Bert took glee in pointing out as he poked fun at how Michelle sat on the sofa and looked very bored as hell. “We could still be sleeping,” he said with a large smirk. She tried to look grumpy as she grinned, “Quiet, jerk.” As the noon hour drew near, she asked Bert, “Will you see if there's any mail out there for you or for me?” He did as she'd asked and found that there was indeed a single letter there for him to get and read. He tore it open as he reentered the house and was asked “What's that, hun?” by his beloved spouse. “A note from work,” he said. “Not sure what it could be.” “A bonus check?” she put forth. He replied, “Maybe?” With the envelope opened, he began to read. As his eyes skimmed the paper, she could see how he'd looked down with some confusion, and then with dismay. When she saw this, she asked, “Honey, what does it say?” “I've been let go,” he uttered, his voice filled with dread. “Wait, what?” she asked as if she'd misheard what he'd said. “They just... fired me,” he said with much disappointment. “And after how well Toby said that the year went.” “Did they say why?” she asked as she came up beside her husband, who continued to read, teary-eyed. He said, “They say it was a performance issue.” With ire in her voice, she said “That's why they canned you?” Bert looked over at his wife and saw her vexed stare. He said, “I worked my ass off each day I was there.” “Are you sure?” she said with disbelief in her eyes. “Because I've heard that before with some of your lies.” “I did!” he exclaimed. “I swear on my mother's grave! Everyone there will tell you that I always gave “them a hand when they needed it once I had done the work I'd been given by Toby or someone. “I didn't slack off or do a shit job with what I'd been asked to do. I always worked off my butt!” “Uh huh,” she said with snark as she stared hard at him. “The chances of that being true are really slim.” “I'm not lying!” he stated, his voice filled with dread. “If I am, you can smack me right upside my head!” “Don't tempt me,” she said as she turned and walked a bit away from him and uttered, “I'm sick of this shit. “It's barely been over two years since you got hired. And now right before Christmas, you got yourself fired!” “I didn't!” he yelped. “So they lied?” she hollered back. “It's the truth!” he pleaded. “Can't you cut me some slack?” She said, “I told you that if you got fired once more for slacking off at work, that I'd walk out the door!” “Baby, please!” Bert said as he came up to her and, with an almost panicked look, took hold of her hand. She pulled her hand from his and went to their bedroom, where he could hear her as she continued to fume. She was swearing a lot, all directed at Bert. And some of what she said had clearly left him hurt. She called him a screw up. That she didn't know why she continued to stay with him or even try. It took her a minute before she came back out with her luggage in hand and said with a stern shout, “I'm going to my parents and you're staying here! You better find a new job before the new year or I'm kicking you out of my life and my place!” Her words pulled a puzzled sadness onto Bert's face. “But everything's closed for the holiday's,” Bert said. She spat, “Find a damn job or our marriage is dead!” She left the house in a huff, got into her truck, and drove off as Bert uttered a dejected, “Fuck.” Now alone in the house, Bert sat down on the couch with a forlorn expression to go with his slouch. All his emotions were reflected on his face. And it was clear that they were all over the place. “I don't believe this,” he said with confused dismay. “How'd it get to this point? Things were good yesterday. “And why'd Michelle talk like I was some kind of bum? Sure, I've screwed up before, but where'd all that come from? “Just cuz I lost one job as a parking valet when I parked a jeep and dozed off in it all day. “I was so tired and cold, and the jeep was so warm. It only happened twice, so it wasn't the norm. “And yeah, then I got fired from the diner in town. I didn't know egg shells could also be light brown. “I thought they'd all gone bad, so I threw them away. No reason to ban me from that place to this day.” Bert sat there for a bit with a sad, forlorn stare. “Guess I best see if I can find a job somewhere.” He got up from the sofa and grabbed his car keys. “Let me find something so I don't lose Michelle, please.” He went out to his car and hit the mall, where he checked in every store. From Boscov's to FYE. Not one store was in need of a new employee. They all turned him away after hearing his plea about the situation in which he was stuck. And he left the last store with a disheartened, “Fuck.” As he walked through the mall, headed for it's entrance, he spotted a section that was lined by a fence which had been painted to look like candy cane rows. And each of them was adorned by green and gold bows. Inside that colorful fence, the floor had fake snow through which a short path of golden bricks did go. They went in a straight line to a big wooden throne. And on it was Santa, who sat there all alone. When Bert looked all about, he saw no kids in line. Santa had no elves who stood at the “entrance” sign. The mall was pretty crowded, which made it seem weird to see a bored Santa just stroking his white beard. Bert stared at the odd scene for a minute before he went to the path that ran through the snowy floor. He walked down the gold road, headed for the one that then let out a rather loud yawn from where he sat. “Bored?” Bert asked to the man on the Christmasy throne. “I've never been this bored,” Santa said with a groan. “Where's everyone?” Bert asked. “Wish I knew,” Santa said. “The only one to come here in two hours is you.” Bert grinned with, “Guess ebay took some business from you.” Santa grinned as well and said, “That's probably true. “I guess kids don't need me for their holiday cheer. But what's on your Christmas list that you'd like this year?” Once Bert stood before Santa's big, fancy old chair, some sadness then began to creep into Bert's stare. “A new job would be nice,” Bert said with some dismay. “I just found out that mine's gone, earlier today. “Also, a way to convince my wife Michelle to not break up with my ass, like she's about to do.” Bert gave a saddened smile, coupled with a small shrug. “Those would do,” he added as the smile left his mug. Santa looked at Bert with a puzzled sympathy, then said, “That's a lot to ask of someone like me. “The folks I work with make toys and some clothing too. I'm not sure what kind of help I could give to you.” “Was worth a try,” Bert said with a small, unsure laugh. That was when a PA was made by the mall's staff. “The mall will close soon, folks” rang out for all to hear. “You don't have to go home, but you sure can't stay here. “You've got fifteen minutes to buy your stuff and bounce. If you're not done by then, then I'll have to announce “we're unleashing the dogs to chase you all away. Thanks for shopping with us. Enjoy your holiday.” Bert let out a small laugh and said, “Guess that's my cue. Have a good one, and sorry if I bothered you.” Without another word, Bert turned and walked away as Santa looked on as if unsure what to say. Bert returned to his car and drove back home, to where he plunked down on the couch and quietly sat there. Seconds became minutes. And as each minute passed, it saw him slowly get angrier than the last. He stewed in his juices and his stare became stern as his emotions clearly continued to churn. “I never slacked off,” he griped. “I was there each day. I don't care what that fucking letter has to say. “I worked hard moving all the furniture around, and getting it all there in one piece, safe and sound. “Toby always told me that I worked really well. Now they tell me I didn't? What the fucking hell?” He fell silent for a time as he sat alone. But soon, he continued in a still angry tone. “My life's falling apart because of that damn place. That prick had to know when he smiled right to my face and told me how I was just such a great asset. Toby knew that I'd already been fired, I bet. ” He tried to relax and calm himself for a bit. At times, he'd mill about. At others, he'd just sit and brood on what happened 'till hunger made him eat. He had a small dinner of some noddles and meat. But as he did the dishes, his frustration grew. And once he was done, he sneered, “I know what to do.” He went into the bedroom and got out a box that was made of metal and tucked under his socks. He used a small key to unlock the box's lid, then opened it up to reveal what the box hid. The black metal of the gun, while far from pristine thanks to scuff marks and scratches, still gave off a sheen. Bert took out the gun and held it for a short bit, then said, “Let's see you smile when you see this, you shit.” He took out the clip that had been stored with the gun, slid it into the weapon, and once that was done, he made sure that he had his keys and his wallet as he mumbled, “I've got me some answers to get.” He grabbed his jacket and put the gun out of sight in one of the pockets, then stepped into the night. He got into his car and pulled out his smart phone. He dug through his emails until his phone had shown him what he had looked for; an old email that showed his ex-boss' address. With that, he hit the road. It took a good half hour, but he soon pulled up to the nice two-story home that Toby did accrue. The home's lights were all on. Faint music could be heard. Bert mumbled to himself as his anger was stirred, “I lose my job and most likely lost Michelle too. While my life goes to shit, what does this fucker do? “He parties like what he did was nothing to him.” It was then that Bert chose to run with his dark whim. He got out of his small car, walked across the road, and up the driveway of his ex-boss' abode. He came up to the front door with an intent stare. But instead of knocking, Bert just simply stood there with a look on his face that mixed ire and unease. It was then that he felt a light but chilly breeze kick up from behind him which gave him a small chill. “What the-?” he said softly. “It's 60 degrees, still.” He turned and looked at the dark and clear Phoenix skies, when a small and white object moved before his eyes. What looked like a snowflake drifted toward where he stood. “60 degrees with a snowflake? This can't be good.” He watched as the snowflake meandered through the air. Soon it stopped near his face and simply hovered there. It tumbled and turned as Bert brought up a finger and reached for it where it continued to linger. As his finger closed in, the snowflake moved away. Bert looked dumbfounded and unsure of what to say. The snowflake continued to move away until it reached the edge of the house, where it became still. It hovered again as Bert kept his eyes on it. After a moment, he uttered, “What is this shit?” He began to walk over toward the snowflake that seemed as if it was waiting where it hovered at. When he got close again, it drifted to the right around the corner, which took the thing from Bert's sight. With a little urgency, he quickened his pace and peaked around the side of his ex-boss' place. He saw the snowflake continue along the wall and followed after it, like a dog would a ball. The snowflake then drifted around to the home's back. And when Bert did the same, he was taken aback. Before him was a man, dressed in Santa attire. This caused Bert to jump slightly, and made him inquire, “Who the hell are you?” as the fat man dug around in the large sack before him that sat on the ground. “I could ask you the same,” the man said just before he looked up with, “Ah! Just who I was looking for.” Bert's surprise could be seen on his face and raised brow. What looked like the mall Santa stood before him now. “What the-?” Bert said with great confusion as the man looked back down and uttered, “Help me out, if you can.” “With what?” Bert then asked as he saw the fat man dig out an outfit that didn't look overly big. “Here, put this on,” Santa said and held out the clothes. “I need a helper tonight and I don't suppose “you'd be willing to lend me a hand for a bit?” Bert said to the fat man, “This a joke or some shit?” “It's no joke,” Santa said “My helper called in sick. The kids are waiting, so please, do put that on, quick.” Bert lifted the clothes up and gave them a look-see. His face then went slack as he said, “You're shitting me.” He held light green tights and some dark green, curl-toed shoes. There was also a dark green, pointed hat to use along with a jacket that looked long enough to reach down to his knees that was the same dark green hue. And what rested on top of the seasonal clothes? Some points for his ears and a long tip for his nose. But on top of all that, was the fact he could tell that the clothes looked too small... by quite a bit, as well. “You want me to be an elf?!” Bert yelped with dismay. “That's the plan,” Santa said. “So help me out, OK?” “I didn't come here to play dress up,” Bert stated. “I know,” Santa said, “but just think of how each kid “inside of that home will smile when they look at you.” With a straight face, Bert said, “Laugh at me's what they'll do.” “Nonsense,” Santa said with a small mischievous grin. “Just go put that stuff on and then we can begin.” Bert wasn't sure what to say as he looked around for someplace he could change clothes. But none could be found. “Not to be a dick,” Bert said. “or come of as rude, but I'm not undressing right in front of you, dude.” “Just use the bush there,” Santa said and pointed to the small bush behind him. “It's big enough for you.” Bert looked past the guy. And with a puzzled stare, he looked to the bush he was sure hadn't been there. With a slight shake of his head, Bert let out a sigh as he went to the bush that was about waist high. From behind the bush, Bert mumbled, “This is deranged.” And for the elf's outfit, his street clothes were exchanged. “Dear God, this is tight!” Bert grimaced as he got dressed and felt his junk be uncomfortably compressed. Once done, he hid his clothes under the shrubbery, then stepped out into the open for all to see. “Jesus Christ,” Bert uttered as he stood and looked down at himself and his attire. “I look like a clown.” Santa chuckled a bit, then quickly cleared his throat. “More like an elf,” he said and brushed off his red coat. “Now come on, my helper. We've got kids to go see.” Bert let out a groan and grumbled, “Someone shoot me.” With a small laugh, Santa said, “You'll be just fine, son. Put on a Christmas smile and let's go have some fun.” The two of them went in through the sliding glass door and heard the party farther in on that ground floor. The chatter of children and music filled the air as they looked around and saw they were alone there. The dining room table that they stood before had already been set with fancy plates and more. “Must be their dining room,” Bert said while sounding irked. “Can't put one past you, huh?” Santa said as he smirked. With a glance at Santa, Bert looked around a bit and said, “I can't believe I'm here doing this shit.” “Why is that?” Santa asked as he looked back at Bert. “Long story,” Bert answered, his reply somewhat curt. “That so?” Santa said. “I've love to hear this long tale.” A moment later, Bert spotted Toby's wife, Gail as she slid open the dividing door that gave the dining room privacy from the would-be rave. “Dear God I hope they don't recognize me,” Bert said as he kept his voice quiet and lowered his head. “Don't worry,” Santa smiled as Gail noticed them there. “The nose will throw them off. There's no need for despair.” Gail slid the door shut and walked over to the men. “Wonderful,” she whispered. “You're all set to go then?” “We're ready,” Santa smiled. “Take us to the children.” “They'll really love this,” she smiled. “Let's go gentlemen.” Within one minute's time, Santa and Bert were in the living room surrounded by Toby's children. The adults all smiled as the kids loudly exclaimed that Santa had come with an elf that was unnamed. Santa greeted each child with a big and warm smile, as Bert kept himself out of the way for a while. He stood off to the side and kept watch on the sack that Santa had had with him when they were out back. But soon, Bert found himself pulled deep into what felt like a whirlwind of chaos that made his brain melt. Kids laughing and yelping as Santa did his best to make sure that every child there had been addressed as question after question came repeatedly from the kids who had asked them so excitedly. But Santa wasn't alone. Bert too found himself asked many a question about being an elf. What's it like at the north pole? What he did for fun during the six months when the north pole had no sun? Did his big ears get cold around all of that snow? Do they all use toilets, or an outhouse to go? What's it like wearing tights? What's up with the weird shoes? If he could play just Dark Souls, which one would he choose? What color was his blood? Did he have a girlfriend? What happens to Santa's elves when they meet their end? Where do baby elves come from and how small are they? How do the reindeer poop as they pull Santa's sleigh? These questions and much more flooded Bert as he tried to entertain the kids and fight the urge to hide. Several of the children asked why was he so tall when all the pictures they'd seen showed elves that were small? Bert told the kids that he'd had a thyroid problem as a child, and that's where his growth spurt had come from. But that led to more questions from the kids because none of them knew just what the hell a thyroid was. For an hour, Bert and Santa mingled and talk to all those who were there; the children and adults, too. At the end of that hour, Bert and Santa then got a chance to take a break... which they needed, a lot. So Toby distracted all the kids with a tale, as Bert and Santa were smuggled away by Gail into the kitchen where both men could catch their breath as Bert uttered, “I was almost questioned to death.” Santa laughed a bit with, “Kids are like that you know. Once they get talking, they'll just go and go and go.” “Especially ours,” Gail smiled. “Like a chatterbox. But for now, just stay here and let your brains detox.” “Thank you, Gail,” Santa said. “We appreciate it.” “You're welcome,” Gail replied. “I'll be back in a bit.” Once Gail left the kitchen, Bert looked to Santa with, “I don't drink, but holy shit, I could use a fifth.” “Of what?” Santa asked him. “Anything,” Bert replied. “I feel like part of my brain just crawled off and died.” “Now now, they're just kids,” Santa said with a small smile. “They calm down over time. It just takes them awhile.” Bert said nothing for a bit and rubbed his forehead. “I have a question,” he eventually said. Santa turned to face him with, “And what would that be?” Bert asked, “Why are you doing all of this to me?” “You said you needed a job,” Santa said flatly. “So I gave you a job, working right here with me.” “So you are the Santa from the mall,” Bert stated. “You got your Christmas wish,” Santa smiled. “Elated?” “I came to get answers, not this,” Bert did reply and tugged on his green jacket. “I want to know why “I was fired, when I worked my ass off for Toby. I want to know why that damn prick did this to me.” “Calm down,” Santa said, his tone firmer than it was. “You should be glad I found you when I did, because-” It was then that the sound of footsteps could be heard, which made Santa stop talking almost in mid-word. It took a few moments, but Santa and Bert found that they were joined by Toby, who was kitchen-bound. “Ev'ning, gentlemen,” Toby said as he went to the refrigerator and got himself a brew. “My wife and I really appreciate you two coming here tonight. And I know the kids do too.” “But of course,” Santa smiled. “It's my job, as it were. Giving kids Christmas cheer is always a pleasure.” “You know, speaking of jobs,” Bert chimed in with some snark as he looked to Toby with a stare that was dark. “I would like to know why you took my job from me after you thanked me for helping your company.” Santa looked to the man who'd been his helper elf. “Not now,” he said sternly. “Get a hold of yourself.” Bert looked to Santa with, “And when would the time be? After I'm homeless and Michelle's gone and left me?” “Do I know you?” Toby asked, his gaze questioning. Bert grabbed his nose's tip with, “I'm sick of this thing.” He gave the thing on his nose a good, solid tug. But it wouldn't come off, as it's fit was quite snug. “What the hell?” Bert uttered as he tried once again. He gave it a much harder tug, and that was when he felt a pain shoot through his nose as he sucked in some air through his teeth with, “Damn thing's stuck on my skin!” He then tried a third time, but the pain was intense. It made his eyes water as he became more tense. “What's going on?!” Bert exclaimed as his eyes grew wide. The tips on his ears were the next thing that he tried. He gave those ear tips he'd put on a solid yank. When they didn't come off, he yelled, “Is this a prank?!” “Calm down,” Santa stated. “No!” Bert yelled in return as his expression filled with even more concern. Bert then tried to take off the shoes that he had on, yet they wouldn't come off as he used all his brawn. He tried to remove the elven jacket he wore, and grumbled “I'm not wearing this thing anymore!” Toby watched with alarm as he saw a grown dude and the elf clothes he wore get into a big feud. Then behind all the noises Bert made as he fought, a small creek came to be, which only Santa caught. Just a moment later, a loud clang could he heard, and Bert fell to the floor like a bag full of curd. Toby's eyes got big as he watched the elf-dressed man go limply to the floor just as a frying pan hit the floor with a clunk right against the man's head. Toby looked up a bit and noticed that instead of a shut cabinet door where the pan had been, was a wide open door that hadn't kept it in. “How'd that fall out?” Toby asked rhetorically, to which, Santa shrugged with a grin and said, “Beat's me.” Gail came in quickly with, “What was all of that noise?” When she saw the knocked out man, “Care to explain, boys?” “The pan just fell out,” Toby explained, bewildered. “It and the guy hitting the floor is what you heard.” “Well, get him up off the floor,” Gail said with a sigh. “And I'll get an ice pack ready for the poor guy.” “Tell you what,” Santa said. “Why don't the two of you go out and keep everyone from coming into “the kitchen for a bit while I take care of this.” “Are you sure?” Gail asked. Santa nodded, “I am, miss.” “Alright,” Gail replied before she and Toby went and rejoined their kids with a distractive intent. Once she and Toby had left, Santa then looked down at the unconscious Bert with disheartened frown. “Sorry, son,” Santa said with his voice quieted. “Hope you won't have too big of a lump on your head.” Santa snapped his fingers and the room filled with light. Once that light had faded, Bert was nowhere in sight. Santa waited a bit, then rejoined everyone who had thrown the small party for Christmasy fun. The next morning arrived and found Bert in his bed. His head was quite sore, as was to be expected. He opened his eyes and grimaced a bit at what felt as if the back of his head had quite the knot. He could tell that it was still early morning since sunlight still came through his window, which made him wince. With a groan, he sat up and could feel his head throb. “Dear God,” he sighed. “Feels like I got mugged by a mob.” He rubbed the soar back of his head for a short time, then out from under the thick covers, he did climb. He went into the bathroom and relieved himself, then looked in the mirror and saw he was an elf. “What the hell?” he exclaimed as he started a bit, just as his memories of the night before hit. He recalled going to his old boss' home and met a mall Santa, to whom he'd given a hand. Of questions from kids that seemed to not have an end. How he'd run into Toby, who Bert did intend to confront with the way he'd been fired from his job. But that was where his memories became a blob. He focused on his reflection in the mirror while memories of the night before grew clearer. With a hint of panic, he grabbed hold of his nose and pulled off the end bit as his confusion rose. “Oh, now it comes off,” he said and stared at the bit that wouldn't let go back when he'd struggled with it. He took off the ear tips he'd worn and then did choose to remove from his feet, the dark green curl-toed shoes. Every last thing came off without any issue as he removed the jacket, hat and the tights too. He put on his bathrobe and began to look for the stuff he'd had on when he went to Toby's door. But those clothes were missing, as was the gun he took. “Bet that mall Santa kept them,” he griped. “The damn crook.” He went out into the living room and sat down on the couch with a rather noticeable frown. “That was a fucked up night,” he groaned as he reached back and rubbed the spot where something'd given him a whack. “Wish I knew what hit me on the back of my head, or how I got back home and wound up in my bed.” It took a second before he saw the off white envelope on the coffee table to his right. “Where'd this come from?” he asked as he reached over to pick it up so that he could get a better view. It's front just said “Bert” in a handwriting that he didn't know at all. He asked, “Who gave this to me? “It wasn't here when I left last night, that's for sure.” He opened it and over its text, he did pour. “Dear Bert,” it began. “I hope that you're doing well. You're back home and safe now, in case you couldn't tell. “I'm sure that you have more than a question or two about how you got home and what happened to you. “But rather than tell you how all that came to be, here is a bit of advice, courtesy of me. “The path that you wanted to head down just last night, was one that was dark and born of malice and spite. “What you went there to do would not have ended well. The result would have been you being in a cell or worse if things had taken a darker-still turn. What laid down that dark road, be glad you didn't learn. “I know you lost a lot in a short bit of time. It was a big mountain that felt too steep to climb. “Anger, pain and frustration had filled up your mind, and the path to get out seemed much too hard to find. “For as bad as it seemed, it could still have been fixed. Yet there you were, set to make sure that chance was nixed. “I know you lost your job by means that felt unfair. Your wife got angry and left, like she didn't care. “That was a lot to have dumped on you in one day. But it's no solution to throw your life away “or take someone else's in a bid to strike back at the world when it felt like it cut you no slack. “Last night, you came too close to losing any way of regaining some of what you lost yesterday. “I get you felt anger, along with great despair. That what happened had to feel so very unfair. “It was bad, what your ex-boss decided to do. It was callus, unfeeling and cold-hearted too. “But if you had done what you'd been thinking about, you'd have found yourself in a hole, with no way out. “Take this chance to learn from what nearly cost you all of your future plans, and the upcoming phone call. “Your clothes and gun are gone, so don't bother to look for them in your home. And please, don't call me a crook. “You're home despite how you'd tried to cause a ruckus. And rest assured that last night will stay between us.” A moment later, the letter he held was lit like a hundred light bulbs had turned on within it. The bright light made Bert gasp as he turned his head so he was not blinded by the letter's intense glow. With a pop, the light vanished and Bert looked at how his hands were empty, which made him cock an eyebrow. “Um, what the hell?” he muttered as his phone began to go off from his bedroom, into which he ran. He couldn't find it as it continued to ring, which prompted him to blurt out, “Where is the damn thing?” And once he found it where he kept his underwear, he grumbled, “How the hell did this thing get in there?” As he shook his head, he pressed the green button on the screen and brought the phone to his face with a yawn. “Hello?” he said as he tried to fight the yawn down . “Hi,” came a woman's voice, which made him sadly frown. He could hear how pensive her voice sounded as he uttered, “Michelle?” and she answered with, “Yeah, it's me.” His face was a mask of wariness and unease as he remained quiet, and in place, seemed to freeze. At first, neither spoke, as if unsure what to say. But in time, it was Michelle who asked, “You OK?” “Um, yeah, I am,” he answered with uncertainty, before he asked her, “So uh, why did you call me?” She said, “I wanted to talk with you this morning, before we both got busy doing anything.” “I'm still looking for a job,” he said with dismay. “I must have checked four dozen places yesterday.” “It's not about that,” she said. “I called you to see if you'd be willing or able to forgive me.” Bert looked like he didn't know how he should reply. But Michelle continued, “I didn't mean to fly “off the handle or to threaten you with divorce.” “You still want me?” he asked, and she answered, “Of course.” Bert said, “But the all things you told me, made it sound like you wanted to burn our marriage to the ground. “I was telling you the truth, but you didn't care. You just seemed to be done with me, right then and there.” “I know, and I'm sorry,” she said remorsefully. “I overreacted and it was wrong of me “to shit on you after what had happened that day. The thing is, I'm sorry's not all I need to say. “Last night, while I was lying in my bed alone, all I wanted to do was call you on the phone. “'Cuz the more I thought about the things that I'd said, the more I felt like I wasn't right in the head. “How I'd left you behind began to eat at me. It just bothered me to a serious degree. “I knew you were asleep, but still wanted to call. See how you were and apologize for it all. “But above all, to say that I really miss you.” Bert began to smile and replied, “I miss you too.” As they talked on the phone, they began to work through what had happened and how that moment went askew. She told him that tomorrow, she would book a flight, after he told her what went on Christmas Eve night. He left out the part where he'd brought along a gun, and instead focused on what had been strangely fun. The questions the kids asked, the outfit that he'd worn which made his dignity something he had to morn. He smiled as he listened to who he ' nearly lost. He thought about his life, which he had nearly tossed away with his actions due to where his mind went. Of how grateful he was for the Santa-like gent that he'd run into at Toby's the night before. And how he still had the woman he did adore. So much went so wrong in just a few minute's time. Like his life hit the brakes and just stopped on a dime. He'd gone to a bad place, filled with disdain and rage; almost brought someone's story to it's final page. But now he could see that his actions almost cost him the chance to regain what he'd felt had been lost. And as Bert and Michelle worked to make all alright, Merry Christmas to all. And to all, a good night.

Man, twenty years already. Still remember reading your Twas poems back when I was in high school (which might as well feel like eons ago). As always I've enjoyed reading them around the holidays. And have a Merry Christmas.