Hemophiliac
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Posts posted by Hemophiliac
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First off, thank you for formatting your post in the way that you did, it's very helpful to include the sources and timestamps like that.
On to your bullet points, I'd like to talk about those.
On 10/11/2023 at 5:24 AM, SplinterOfChaos said:I have some worries:
- Low quality instruments (I know nothing about how to tweak them)
- Too much to my individual tastes.
- Repetitive percussions
- Sticks to "Koi-iro Master Spark" for too long, but also might not be faithful enough for the first half.
- Too loud and/or fast.
- Some of the transitions maybe don't feel as natural as they could.
Despite my worries, I feel I've gotten it about as good as I can.
You're asking yourself the right questions, in the way to help be self-critical. Being self-critical is a very difficult skill to develop. So, asking these questions and thinking in this manner is a good place to start.
On the first point, low quality instruments. You are correct, they are very low quality and sound very much like basic MIDI. This is most apparent in the guitars. Guitars are among the most difficult instrument to make sound realistic, especially when starting with basic sounds. The only things I could recommend would be to invest in some quality guitar samples (Impact Soundworks comes to mind on that, IE Shreddage), or search for a guitar player willing to work with you and record the parts.
"Too much to my individual tastes". I'm not sure what you mean by this. Do you mean that your arrangement won't be liked by others because it's in your own style? Nonsense! Besides, you should be writing for yourself, and not for others (Unless you're getting paid to do it! :P) Don't worry about what others think, do it because it is fun to you or brings you joy.
As far as the percussion, I can barely make it out because it's much quieter then everything else in the mix. If you think that it's repetitive, it likely is. Trust your instincts.
Koi-iro Master Spark is only used for 24 of 162 seconds. I don't know how to call that too long, you really bounce from source to source so quickly that the listener is barely orienting themselves to a new section before it changes again.
Look for other tracks/remixes/songs that you want your work to sound like, and try to emulate that. Listen to them side-by-side and note the differences, see what you can change to make your work sound more like the other ones. Experiment, and try new things. It is possible to learn and improve, it does take time and practice though.
General thoughts on the track itself:
0:36 sounds like it may be a key change, and that change itself is not prepared so it feels sudden when it happens. This is in the source for Koi-iro Master Spark, maybe best not to use that part of the track due to the direct and sudden key change? Throughout the track there's a lot of muddiness and general imbalance of levels between the parts. I can't really make out what the bass is doing, and the drums are buried most of the time. The guitar parts and organ-like sound dominate most of the track. Let them work together to create cohesion and support between all parts.
Generally in medleys the represented ideas usually are developed and not just hopped on for brief moments. With how quickly each source is visited in this, I get the impression of disjointedness rather then cohesion. I'd really suggest taking a step back and evaluating what you're going for and do that comparison to other tracks to get the production to a place where it needs to be, then go wild with the arrangement and making medleys.
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2:10 reverse sounding effect and 2:19/2:20 (I think it might be a clap) are clipping or are very close to clipping.
Now that the bass is boosted it needs some of it's top-end rolled off so it's not creating mud.
Aside from that you're done in my book. I'm marking this as completed. Nice work, I hope you are happy with the changes made and are feeling good about it.
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Made sure to grab this one to look at levels in DAW this time.
-4.54db is the max this track goes on peak. Definitely room for more volume overall. If you had cut some of the low end with EQ you can put some of it back in because there's a little space (1-2db) that you could probably fit in.
While I like the idea of switching the instrument up for the second half change, the trumpet section probably wasn't the right call. It is sounding very unrealistic unfortunately, and that's a difficult thing to make sound good when so exposed as a lead instrument. I suggest keeping it on something with a short attack (like how the steel drums had) or just to different synth lead. Alternatively you could keep a synth brass sound for that lead if you make it obvious to the listener that you're not trying to sound real.
Something I didn't notice on the first couple listens with regards to the brass section. Sounds like it's clipping due to limiter in place cutting everything to -4.54db.
Again, just minor things to fix-up. Really close to complete.
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Thank you for tagging me, had you not done that I would not have noticed this was updated. In the future, make a reply in this thread stating that you have an update, that way the thread will get bumped up to the top and would let me know better that there was an update. No harm, no foul though.
Evaluation:
Definite improvements over the initial version from what I recall. Good job cleaning up the parts so they flow, and the production is much cleaner.
1:49- 1:56 there's something playing the melody very high up that's barely audible. I suggest to bring that up in volume if you want people to hear it. I barely caught that.
My only real suggestion elsewise would be to change something up on the back-half to really distinguish it from the first half. 1:57-2:27 is where I'm talking about. I suggest to embellish the melody here or change up the which instrument is playing the lead here. That could really help keep the listener's interest going.
Frankly this is very close to being done to me, nice work! I'm returning it to WIP only because I feel that this could really make it to that next level with a few minor tweaks (look at the back-half change-up).
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This is great! Please develop it into a full track
Would you be wanting to keep it solo guitar or do you see adding some light hand percussion or other instrumentation to it?
My only criticism would be getting adding more dynamics in there to create some contrast. Tempo feels a little uneven but seems more like a rough-take, rather than a final piece.
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First off, I did see that your first submission passed. Congratulations on that!
Evaluation:
At 0:36 I hear the bass come in and it does not carry the weight I feel it should. Needs more presence in the mix, bring it forward. Same goes for all of the percussion they are quiet, and the kick drum especially isn't coming through.
Arrangement is working for me until we get to the end. At 3:00 we get a sudden key change into something that's based on the end of Mute City's loop (0:49-0:53 in source). The key change is sudden and unprepared giving the ending an unresolved feeling. You're going to want to look into changing that up or modifying it so it doesn't feel like it's tacked-on to be an ending.
Is 1:12-1:47 based on the Top Gear theme...if so that's good interpretation, feels similar but not quite the same as the source.
The other main thing to keep in mind is balance between the parts. There were times such as 1:12-1:47 where I wasn't sure what to focus on in terms of melody. Take a look and see if you can make the melodies more of a focal point so that they are not in question as to what is the focus.
Creative start, just needs more TLC and detail work. Good job, let me know when you have updates
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I can't help but smile while listening to this. The arrangement is not at all what you would expect to hear from the source, but this silly polka is what I expect from @General Grunt. Nice work to everyone involved. Prost!
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@Kyaku It says the video unavailable, removed by the uploader.
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Best sounding mix (in terms of balance and production) from Lucas to date.
I'm here for the awesome organ work. Blues structure helps keep this one from going off the rails because it's wild and very fun. Great work!
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Evaluation:
Checked out the latest version on discord today. I like the vibe and I can see how the original source is ported into a more energetic and upbeat feel.
There's definitely space for more expansion and development in the arrangement here. Consider a contrasting feel for a new section that drops the energy of the drums down and lets the listener relax for a moment. You could even let the piano or organ take over as a lead during that, and it would really help break up the track.
I'd echo the same that was mentioned on discord by Mel Decision, try to get a live performance on the saxes if possible.
0:33 and 0:51 are spots where you switch between the 4/4 and 6/8, I'm wondering if there's a way to prep our ear for the meter changes so that the new meter doesn't feel so different when we get there.
1:27 and 1:45 is another meter change section and the same as above applies.
This really is a good start and there's a lot of potential in this idea! I look forward to hearing more.
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Evaluation:
I do like this arrangement even if it is more conservative. I feel like there's enough going on with the arrangement to put this over the OCR bar. 1:29-1:33 is a very nice change-up and transition to the next section.
Where you might run into trouble is the production side of things. The percussion is very dry with little to no reverb. 1:34-1:48 the string lead is very blurry and hard to make out the attacks of the notes because they run into each other and have slower attacks. Consider changing that to another instrument or using a different string sample (one that has more accent or articulation on the attacks).
0:18, 0:22, 0:26, 0:30 have a high pitched instrument at the top of the chord that stands out a lot. It's the flute-like sound on top of the chord. It's standing out more than I think you want it to. I'd recommend to reduce it's velocities in this opening section or consider using a little EQ to attenuate the top end of it so it's less harsh.
I'd also like to recommend more variation in the drum patterns, it's mostly the same without any drum fills after 0:32. You do drop elements out here and there and reintroduce them, but that's minor variation. Give us a change! It would really help take the track to the next level.
Give some thought to my suggestions, I'd like to see where this can go. Great start, very fun track!
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Something happened in the second half with the snare that's causing it to be chorusing. I start hearing it at 2:04 and through to the end. It happens on most, but not all of the snare hits after that point.
Nice job adding variation to the bass and drums in various places! They definitely help and prevents the track from getting stale quickly.
1:19 and 1:28 still have some kind of distortion going on. Like I said before, it might be clipping or it could be some other distortion effect getting too hot for a moment.
At this point, those minor issues could be addressed and then it's up to you to decide how much you want to add things to take this to the next-level. When I say that, I'm talking about ear candy. Melodic embellishments, additional background elements that change (like synth modulation), or anything else you can think of that will add interest to the track. Those things are not necessary, but recommended if you want to take it to the next-level.
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1 hour ago, Troyificus said:
Excellent feedback, thanks dude. The section where the bass takes the lead is actually one of the brass lines repurposed. I deliberately wanted to keep this stripped back as I have a tendency to succumb to feature creep and end up with way too much in the soundscape cluttering everything up. I'll take your feedback and see what I can implement. Thanks again!
Ah cool ok, that's my unfamiliarity with the source. I did give it a few listens before I made the post, but not enough to have it become super ingrained in my brain. I agree though, that middle section is a good contrast to the other two and should be more relaxed. Having less parts playing is a good way to achieve that.
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Definitely a good choice to contribute to the Christmas album with this source. Getting a "snow is falling vibe" from it, and that will fit perfectly.
Evaluation:
First thing I notice out the gates is the very blurry background pad + the reverb on one of the instruments (not sure which) are overlapping and creating background muddiness. Contrast the very wet sound of the background pads and other instruments to the drums. The drums sound very dry in comparison. There's got to be a way where you can meet in the middle between those elements so they don't feel so separate from one another.
1:19 and 1:28, possible clipping there. It might be the electric piano/bell type sound.
I'd recommend adding some bigger drum fills at the end of some of the phrases. My thought on that is there could be more variation to the drums. Right now it sounds like mostly same loop every two bars for the A sections. We get a nice change-up in the middle section, 1:30-1:53 (I like how the bass takes the lead here). 2:08-2:11 is the kind of fill I was looking for earlier, but it quickly returns to the same loop again after it. It was a small injection of energy there that really helps in changing up the flow.
The source has some really cool brass lines in there too, would be really neat to hear some of that line appearing somewhere. (If I missed it, please let me know!)
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6.5 years since the last track...too long, give us more!
The detailed synth work and interplay of variation on rhythm is superb. Very enjoyable, and it's gonna be tough to get this earworm out of my head. The chip arps are a particular stand-out for me as they seem to come out of nowhere, but feel like they belong. This track would not be the same without them. Awesome work! -
He's talking about the chords build upon those scale degrees in the parallel minor key, not the scale. Don't think about the key of F major. He's only talking about the keys of G major and G minor. So each time he shows a chord symbol at the top of the staff he's indicating what chord it is not the key.
So a chord built upon the third scale degree of G minor is Bb major. If you build a chord on the seventh scale degree of G minor you get F major. He's making an assumption about "generic" sound based on his own experiences.
When notes and chords are "borrowed" from relative major and minor keys, it's usually done to change color or add interest. The composer chose to do these things to achieve a sound more interesting than using just G major.
I hope that helps in your understanding.
- Gario and Uffe von Lauterbach
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