Interesting intro on the trailer. Different than what I've heard before. I can see some references peeking through. (Born from a Wish, anyone?)
Unfortunately, the voice acting needs to be tightened. The main character's voice is a little bland (contains few vocal embelishments) and it really sounds staged during the line "Is anybody... here." Sorry, but the voice sounds too much like a high school stage production. The dialogue also needs to given a thorough scrub-down as some lines are both repetative and unnatural-sounding. I seriously would think about rewording the line "This has to be a dream. But, why... why am I so scared?" It's much too cliche' for my tastes.
Although, I do want to compliment you on the great job of music and background sound effects. I see some potential to be a really good fan-fiction work. If it helps, use the Kyodan works made for Silent Hill 4 by Akira Yamaoka for inspiration. (Mind the fact that they are not in English, but take the tone of the reading from it.) Just make sure to give the script a close review and revision and to do multiple takes when recording.
On a personal note, (maybe its just due to a lack of a script or full context, but) I'd like to see the story taken in a sightly different direction. I've seen too many takes on the "I don't remember how I got here" plot from fan-fictions.
I suggest that as you write the script to consider what you want the audience to get out off this drama after the writing is complete. Think about where you are starting from, both as the writer and as if you were an audience member. Think about the steps that you have to take to reach the desired goal (what is to be paid off from listening). Let someone else read (out loud) the script before recording to make sure it sounds right. This helps especially if the reader doesn't know what the work is. It helps in knowing where to clearify, if the work flows well, if it makes sense and if you ultimately reach your point/twist/philosophy/ect.
If I sound snobby, it's just to make sure you not only work hard, but work smart. Peace, love and good luck!
Thanks for the feedback. A lot of what you said does ring true after reading your post. It's so hard to get honest feedback these days, ya know?
Just to let you know that we will continue to be changing the script, plot, characters, ect. We also hope to find a better voice actor (as you have noted, I'm not the best). Hey, maybe you'd be interested? Heh.