Neat idea! I liked what you did from thinking through the process of falling asleep, dreaming, waking to the alarm clock at the end. Some suggestions:
1. The panning you did in the middle was a little extreme--it sounded like the instruments were losing volume when they reached the furthest separation. Try reducing the maximum separation or slightly increasing the volume during max separation to compensate.
2. I didn't get tired of the intro, but after the hard, nightmare-ish instrument began at 40% (sorry no timer available) that went on a little too long without much variation.
3. I thought the percussion was OK, but I don't think full-on drums would be out of place once you get going.
4. BASS. You need a bass line.
Looking forward to seeing the final product!