Floating on Stars - Brinstar 1 From Super Metroid

[ncocs]

I've always loved Brinstar 1, so I thought my first mix could be a mix of it.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/972cwq9b2gd21ct/Floating%20on%20Stars.mp3

I wanted it to be a ballad type thing, with piano, bass guitar, and acoustic guitar. I was talking to my new friend ProtoDome, and he said I should post here for advice. Feedback please?

(Original is here.

)

[Sbeast]

Urgent: Put a limiter/reduce the volume on the piano and bass to stop the clipping

Suggestions: I would center the bass, then start to humanize everything. This can be achieved through velocity and timing edits, also play around with the ADSR if you can. Some reverb on the pianos could help too.

Also providing the

to the original source can help people comment on the arrangement.

[Rozovian]

The intro and ending piano writing is terrible. It clashes with itself.

Seems like you paid no attention to the volumes of the instruments. You kind'a should. Then there's the issue of the sounds themselves - they're not good and you're not even trying to do something about that.

The arrangement is a stripped down verbatim take on the source, possibly with some minor alterations. While that can work, you'd need a good performance/sound design to make it work.

If it's your first song ever, it's... well it's still not good, but better than my first ever. Most important thing to learn: listening. When you can tell what you're doing wrong, you know what you need to practice/research. That's how you improve.

You could change the piano notes, see if it sounds better. You can look at what the other instruments are playing at the time to get an idea of what notes might work.

Change the instrument volumes so you get better balance. Important stuff should be loud enough to be heard over the less important stuff.

Experiment with effects and try more complex sounds/synths/samples/instruments. The more complex a siund is, the better it can fill up the mix, which makes things more balanced. You can always use an equalizer or other effects/filters to trim down any excessive richness, but adding richness to poor sounds is harder.

That should get you started. You've stuff to learn and this is a great place for that. Welcome to ocr.

[ncocs]

SubNormal, you understood what I was trying to do perfectly. Those weird harmonies were planned, I thought that since (at least for me) when I walked into the overgrown portion of Brinstar, it was a little bit more challenging, so clashing harmonies could represent Samus clashing with her enemies in battle. I'm so new, could you tell me how to eliminate that clipping? I'm on FL Studio 9. And could you give me a suggestion on where to put those highs? That'd be awesome.

Rozovian, where was the volume bad? And could you give me an example of where I could possibly change the piano notes?

SBeast64...I have a problem. I have no idea what the ADSR is. And what do you mean by humanize?

I'll go ahead and center the bass, and add reverb to the piano.

Thank you all for your feedback so far.

EDIT: Changed the things I said I'd change. New link: http://www.mediafire.com/file/t29xxh7dzx9qm4b/Floating%20on%20Stars.mp3

[Calum]

This sounds very bare to me. Perhaps you could think about putting some kind of organ/synth the play chords in the background and fill out the soundscape a bit. Also everything is quite extremely panned. It's not a bad thing but seeing as there are so few instruments, it kind of is. Also the extreme panning between the left and right hand of the piano in the intro make them seem like two different people are playing two different pianos thus making it seem quite unrealistic. I know you are not necessarily trying to recreate what a real performance might be with MIDI but seeing as it's a ballad you should make the piano at least sound realistic. You should elongate the last notes of the answering phrase in the left hand of the piano in the intro as they stop unnaturally soon. Either that or add more reverb.

I don't know that clashing harmonies in the intro being a representation of Samus's clash with enemies on brinstar will be particularly convincing. Particularly as it is on a solo MIDI piano.

You could think about adding more ambient sounds in addition to more instrumental lines etc. Perhaps think about having a genre change or tempo change as it plods along quite slowly and boringly.

Keep it up! Hope that helps.

[ncocs]

Finished for tonight, I'll add chords with an organ or some other instrument tommorrow. Here's "Floating on Stars" as of 9:35 EST. Added some nature sounds and fixed balance issues.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/ne87k1vazxw7b9z/Floating%20on%20Stars.mp3

Feedback? What instrument should I do chords with?

[ncocs]

Changed piano and Acoustic guitar instruments, as nobody on the recruitment forum will respond to me. The new instruments incorporate more highs. I also used new nature effects, and a "spacebeience" channel.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/638xne3pcsokib9/Floating%20on%20Stars.mp3

[hewhoisiam]

as nobody on the recruitment forum will respond to me.

I feel ya. Put that thing on the site... The in a panic hit the refresh button and stare at your topic screaming at the monitor going WHY AREN'T THEY READING IT! Relax... Take a deep breath. Yoos can figure lots out yourself. My advice is to you is just to read the WIP forums, listen and look at the feedback and advice and just play with it. I spent 5 hours reviewing about a week ago... And I reviewed 10 songs total. It's not a small commitment usually for good crits. Listen, re listen. Check levels, panning. Listen to different things. I tend to pick a few, and (TRY TO) watch them to completion or obscurity...

LUCKY FOR YOU, on this fine day, myself, as a fan of the Metroid series, and being a man, of very, very little sleep, with this sentence, which, in fact, I'm putting commas in, because I , , , can... Will listen to this thing.

It's a neat atmosphere in the beginning, I'm diggin the piano. But it comes across pretty thin. If this were a solo like, 'piano only' minimalist type thing it could be passable, but I wants a fuller sound there. Some pads, or some more harmony on the piano. Fatter chords. Some something.

That, leads to this. Structure: I like the ambiance of the birds as a gimmick or something for an intro or a break with instrumentation. (hell, I did this on the first tune that I was actually proud of. Rain effects and soft piano ) But it's just not going to hold itself up here as the last minute of the song.

While we're on structure. It's pretty conservative, at the same time, it lacks coherence. First, it's a neat piano take on the theme, then it changes to the more sparse instruments, the strummed dissonance bit. I support drastic and radical changes halfway through tracks. But it takes a lot more than I know (generally) to tie it together and make it work. Transitions, old ideas reused, key changes, chord changes, different modes. holycrap!I'vegonecross-eyed! This just sounds very close to source to me.

My advice is to take the idea that you most like, then have a general idea of what you want to do with it. Find someone, somewhere, in some bit of music that has done it, and do what they do. Look at background and foreground sounds. Tricks to keep things interesting. And have fun and play with it.

*in closing, started review at 3:14, it's now 3:50? Total play thrus the track: 7 If I come back to this, I'm going to want substantial changes in the areas that people have mentioned, so the next bit should 'hopefully' be quicker and painlessness-er-err. Part of not getting any feedback on minor updates is just that: they're minor. Anyway. Hope that helps.*

[Sbeast]

SBeast64...I have a problem. I have no idea what the ADSR is. And what do you mean by humanize?

ADSR Stands for Attack, Decay, Sustain, Release. There's a nice explanation here

[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthesizer#ADSR_envelope ]

By humanize, I mean to try and make some of the instruments sound more human, as opposed to fake sounding samples. You can achieve this through a number of methods, all nicely explained here [ http://www.zirconstudios.com/tutorial2.php ]

This song is making progress, but could still be improved.

[Rozovian]

Rozovian, where was the volume bad? And could you give me an example of where I could possibly change the piano notes?

Piano too mechanical. Sounds written but not played. Not a fan of the vanilla sound either, but don't have good suggestion for how to fix that. Well, the weird harmonies are fixed, tho that brings out the vanilla sound and stiff writing even more. Humanize it.

Weird ambiences and bg stuff, you should even those out more, imo. Now they're distracting. Ending is a problem too, I'm not listening to vgm remixes to hear a minute of ambience and bird sounds. The track overall is mostly just two instruments+ambience, and with something written as sparsely as this it just doesn't work (a really good performance could make it work, but this ain't that).

Your sampled guitar thing sounds detuned. If you can make that sound more intentional, it could work. Now it just sounds like a bad sample. Note: making it excessive might not make it work better.

Volume is a lot more controlled now, which is good. You're improving. Keep doing that.

[ncocs]

This mix is done. I might pick it back up later, but I don't think it'll happen soon.

[ncocs]

OK! I recently found some ambient pad sounds, and I think they might make this a whole lot better.

-New Version Here-

Took out the nature noises, but I can add them back in if it might sound better.

[Rozovian]

Seems like you've got two bass patterns on top of each other, starting somewhere around 0:50.

Sounds a lot better, but the lack of drums/percussion means it sounds really sparse and the off-beat bassline just sounds weird. There are drums and rhythm instruments that work well with ambient styles, and there are ways to process less fitting sounds to fit in better..

Piano still sounds rather mechanical, but it has more dynamics now. Just be careful not to make it too loud (2:30). If you'd filter the piano or otherwise muffle it somehow you could make it fit into the soundscape better. I usually do that with echo effects, but see what works for you if it's something that you think the track could benefit from.

Overall volume is ok if a bit low, but there seems to be a strong subbass keeping the normalization level like this. You should probably cut those lows since they don't do much.

Still stuff to improve on.

[ncocs]

New version. Softer piano, to fit the soundscape better.

-New Version - Softer Piano -

I find no place for drums in here. I just don't know how to work them in, after working on this for so long without them.

[ncocs]

New version. Some minor instrumental edits, some pad removed in places where it sounded too airy. Added back different nature sounds.

Less Airy Version - Nature Sounds

What else?

[hewhoisiam]

Okay, it's a great atmosphere right off. I really like the intro. That being said, it could use some work to sound more human. I'm thinking mainly in volume. Wingless does some great Metroid piano arrangement stuff if you'd wanna check it out for inspiration. (he has actually 2 tracks, almost the same name. Clever bastard )

This could really use something to lock down some energy, a drive and focus. Right now, it's the melody, and the sounds you've got I really like, but it isn't where you want it to be as far as arrangement. You gotta think bigger. And smaller. Don't be afraid to get whisper quiet and stupid loud; or to lengthen.

I can easily see the intro 0-4 seconds played for an easy 30 seconds if you really nail some tempo and dynamic changes. That's just what I like, you might do whatever else with it.

It needs a drum part. I'd say start with some Latin percussion. Do a conga part or something, and take it from there. But it needs a drive, some unf.

Overall, it's coming along nicely though.

[ncocs]

A conga part, huh? Never thought of that.

Too bad I've never done any drums at all by myself. I just can't do them.

That might even be the reason why I didn't want to put them in in the first place.

Can somebody help me with that?

[ncocs]

Even though none of my threads are active, I decided to try and update this one. I'll take one week's worth of comments, then update and switch status to finished. I really don't want to keep this on the brain. Maybe I'll submit it, maybe not.

So, here.

This update includes two new synths, a conga drum part, and some slightly different nature sounds.

Crits, go ahead and critique away!