OceansAndrew Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Dear OC Remixers, I submitted an earlier version of this track a few months ago, and was told it was a little sparse and the background tracks were too quiet. So here is a remastered version, with added accompaniment on guitar. The track is an arrangement of two tracks from The Guardian Legend, "Forest Sector" and "Crystal Corridor", set to lyrics and piano and flute accompaniment. The vocals you hear are my own voice, the instruments were played on synthesizer. Normally, I'd come up with a catchy re-mixer name (as I did in my last submission), but because this is more along the lines of other songwriting projects of mine, I'd prefer for continuity's sake if it was attributed to my real name: Jude Coulter-Pultz. Thanks for your time and consideration! Jude http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BInNBrC59v8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJYdiRj_eQo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OceansAndrew Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 The idea here is pretty good, but I think it's still pretty sparse, and the samples overall are a thin and dry. I think adding some backing pads to fill out the low end, and maybe some acoustic guitar to compliment the piano playing would make it feel a lot more full. Some light percussion would help it feel a little more sweeping. The phrase "it was just a dream" seems overused as well, even alternating the opening words to each phrase would make it feel stronger without losing the main theme of the song. Vocal performance was pretty good, though there were a few spots when your confidence wavered, and a few where the pitch was just a little off. I do think adding some harmony in a few spots would be nice. Overall this is a good foundation, but will need a good deal or work to be polished enough for OCR. I would like to hear a revised version, and think you are on the right track, just keep at it. No, please resubmit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonAvenger Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 You picked a good theme to put vocals into, and Andrew hit a lot of good points. I have some things to add. Your voice itself is good, but right now you're not singing with a lot of flow, which is making everything seem very choppy. Singing in that way is going to cut the flow of your air as well, which affects your intonation. Most of the time it's good, but some of the higher notes I can tell are definitely a reach. Another thing to consider on the lyrics itself; I'd avoid doing more than 2 notes on the same syllable. Depending on the word, it feels very awkward to hear them stretched. You can always alter the end of the line to have it stand on a note instead of those ascending 3 notes. Andrew mentioned the overall sparse feeling, but I also have to bring up that the piano sound itself isn't very good. I see you played it on a synthesizer, but right now it's not going to cut it; I'd consider trying to put it into a DAW program where you can add some delay and reverb, or see if you can get someone to do so for you if you don't have access yourself. You've got a start here, but there's a lot of work to be done. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 The piano timing was too mechanical and plucky, making it sound extremely unrealistic, and the sound itself needs more body. You don't have much instrumentation going on, so the piano needs to sound rich and carry much of the soundscape. What's here for the moment is too flimsy. When OA says, "Vocal performance was pretty good," that's wrong and that's too generous. I'm not coming down on him (or you, Jude), but critically, most on the panel wouldn't agree with that. The lyrics matching the melody at every point needlessly exposes the shortcomings of your singing voice; the pitch and projection aren't great, and the syllables needing to match the melody restrict the flow, so there's no power or fluidity behind the singing. There's also no need to practically double the woodwind lead at 2:24 with your vocal timing. You shouldn't have stuck so closely to the melody at the expense of flow, but 2:24 was a perfect place to break out of that. Minor point, but you need a better pop shield, because your plosives are popping (e.g. "presence" at :40). Star Salzman once used something like a bubblegum wrapper wrapped over his cheap mic, if I remember correctly, so you don't need to break the bank. I'm glad there's a bit of delay on the vocals so they're not entirely unprocessed, but they're still pretty barren and exposed in this soundscape. The plucked strings at :48 and woodwind at 1:36 were both very rigidly timed as well. The plucked strings sounded a bit better because of the resonance, but the sequencing being so perfectly timed still stood out. Like the piano, the tone of those instruments was also very thin and sparse. Arrangement-wise, this had some interpretation, but most of the writing during the verses held too closely to the original, both the melody and the countermelody. Take some more creative, interpretive liberties with the source material. Dynamically, this song had basically 1 tempo and 1 gear, so the dynamic curve was mostly flat. 1:35's instrumental only section wasn't much of a dropoff and 2:32's return of the vocals was essentially a structural cut-and-paste from the first section. Even in a song that basically stays in 1 gear, you need more distinct contrast somewhere so that there's direction and progression in the composition. This track can't be salvaged at your current skill level, so I'm not sure why the other judges said "resubmit." Resubmits should be suggested when there's a decent chance the artist could improve something to a passable level. I'm not trying to demoralize you, I'm just trying to be honest and realistic. Your ideas have some creativity and merit, but the execution's nowhere near the level you need to pass, so we want to try and help you get there down the line. That said, it would be worth your time to get deeper feedback and production advice from the Music Composition & Production forums and the Post Your Game ReMixes! forum in our Workshop area. You can learn about inexpensive and free, legal ways to beef up your sample quality and achieve more realistic, fleshed out sounds. I hope you keep at it, and if you want to work with this mix further to see how much you can improve it, that's a worthy goal, but you still have a lot to learn on the fundamentals of putting it all together. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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