OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

[Dafydd]

We do appreciate your help, Darklink42. Please post the rest of your non-grammar/rewording stuff.

[Dafydd]

So... bump. What's going on?

[Darklink42]

Semester just started, so I've been a little slow. I've got a few things, but not enough to constitute posting them just yet. I'll plow through tonight and get you what I've got.

[Dafydd]

...aaand the rest of you?

Wait, they're all uploaded? I can't remember anyone coming here saying "ok, I'm finished!" What an anticlimactic end. I guess the rest is up to me, now that I have 2 weeks to write my letter of thanks.

[Darklink42]

A little late, but here is the next set. I feel like I should say that I am very impressed by the lack of typos and egregious grammar errors. You guys did a damn good job handling that. *thumbs up*

073Orta- "They have gained new weapons: Dragonmares, bio-engineered creatures rendering the force unstoppable." ("...creatures, which has rendered the force unstoppable")

- "It is with blissful ignorance Orta holds as these war machines approach the town she resides in, destroying anything in their path." ("Orta sits in blissful ignorance as these war...")

- "..When an enormous winged shape descends from the sky." (get rid of the ellipsis at the beginning, unless that sentence is part of the paragraph above, in which case it should be moved up.)

077Yoshi- "Once found, Mario could ride Yoshi through levels with increased speed, able to eat enemies and spit" ("and utilize his ride's ability to eat enemies...")

- "Though still within the canon of the Mario series, Yoshi has starred in his own games, of varying genre." ("...Yoshi has starred in several genre spanning titles")

- "eggs laid after eating enemies could be used as projectiles against the enemy, not to mention useful in many puzzles throughout the game." ("...enemy, an ability which would prove useful in many puzzles...")

083Dhalsim- "Most notable is his tact for throwing punches and kicks from across the screen" (" most notable is his tactic of throwing punches...")

087Heather Morris- (I don't want to go through sentence by sentence, but there are some tense disagreements in this entry. It switches between the present and past tenses a lot and needs to be revised to reflect one or the other.)

092Kirby- "Kirby is a happy-go-lucky pink puffball from Dream Land" (This is a small thing, but to my recollection, Kirby hails from Popstar. I'm not sure whether Dream Land is the over-arcing universe or just another planet, but I thought I should bring it up)

098Chrono- "Chrono Trigger probably starred the most famous mute of all." (I feel like it should say "mute hero" but that's entirely a preference thing)

-"He plays several of the classic roles seen in RPGs and stories throughout history —one to save his companions and his supposed love interest Marle, but also a figure..."("one in his quest to save his companions and his supposed love interest Marle, and another in defending his ideals from the forces of evil")

099Sagat- "second World Warrior tournament beings" ("begins" instead of "beings"

105Mai Shiranui- "Graced with a pair of bouncing breasts for her debut in Fatal Fury 2..." (I feel like this is kind of an obvious statement. Mai is a woman, she has breasts, breasts bounce. It should have a description that explains why this is important such as "large" or "prominent")

114Ryu Hyabusa- "It is on this journey that Ryu learns the power of the mystical Demon Statues, such that they are in high demand with other powers working against him." ("...demon statues, and the high value they have to the forces working against him.")

-"He has his sense of honour in the fights he is involved in, yet never holds back." ("His sense of honour never falters in his fights, nor does it hold him back.")

115Penelo- "a vast city of the land of Ivalice, previously seen in Final Fantasy Tactics." ("a vast city in the land of Ivalice")

-"She learned martial arts from her older, deceased, brother, he being a part of the military" ("older, deceased brother [no comma], who was a part of the military")

[Polo]

073Orta- "They have gained new weapons: Dragonmares, bio-engineered creatures rendering the force unstoppable." ("...creatures, which has rendered the force unstoppable")

You mean have, not has, right? Doesn't seem to work with the colon, though, so I used dashes — like this — alongside.

- "It is with blissful ignorance Orta holds as these war machines approach the town she resides in, destroying anything in their path." ("Orta sits in blissful ignorance as these war...")

I knew that sentence was odd. She doesn't literally sit down, so I trimmed it to "Orta is blissfully ignorant as..."

- "..When an enormous winged shape descends from the sky." (get rid of the ellipsis at the beginning, unless that sentence is part of the paragraph above, in which case it should be moved up.)

No need to move it. The bio reads like a narrative from start to finish. The dragon's appearance is a turning point, hence the start of a new paragraph.

077Yoshi- "Once found, Mario could ride Yoshi through levels with increased speed, able to eat enemies and spit" ("and utilize his ride's ability to eat enemies...")

Yeah, the second ability is something different and needs the word "and" to distinguish it from the former. I moved some words forward as well: "...and use the dinosaur's long tongue to eat enemies and spit them back out."

- "Though still within the canon of the Mario series, Yoshi has starred in his own games, of varying genre." ("...Yoshi has starred in several genre spanning titles")

I don't see what's confusing about the present wording, really.

- "eggs laid after eating enemies could be used as projectiles against the enemy, not to mention useful in many puzzles throughout the game." ("...enemy, an ability which would prove useful in many puzzles...")

Helpful, but a bit too wordy. The original sentence is clear enough.

083Dhalsim- "Most notable is his tact for throwing punches and kicks from across the screen" (" most notable is his tactic of throwing punches...")

Tactic. Yes.

087Heather Morris- (I don't want to go through sentence by sentence, but there are some tense disagreements in this entry. It switches between the present and past tenses a lot and needs to be revised to reflect one or the other.)

The past tense in the first paragraph is there to precipitate the current situation Heather finds herself in. The two tenses don't work against each other in this article; they do a trade-off.

092Kirby- "Kirby is a happy-go-lucky pink puffball from Dream Land" (This is a small thing, but to my recollection, Kirby hails from Popstar. I'm not sure whether Dream Land is the over-arcing universe or just another planet, but I thought I should bring it up)

Wikipedia says Kirby is "a denizen of Dream Land on the planet Pop Star." Sure, they're not one and the same, but obviating one doesn't make the remainder the only location. It's fine.

098Chrono- "Chrono Trigger probably starred the most famous mute of all." (I feel like it should say "mute hero" but that's entirely a preference thing)

Correct, it's a preference. "Mute" can work as a noun, plus saying that he stars in something (and is famous) indicates that he's a main character, and by that extension a hero.

-"He plays several of the classic roles seen in RPGs and stories throughout history —one to save his companions and his supposed love interest Marle, but also a figure..."("one in his quest to save his companions and his supposed love interest Marle, and another in defending his ideals from the forces of evil")

You're right, the word "but" doesn't fit, since it feels contradictory. "And another to defend..." should suffice.

099Sagat- "second World Warrior tournament beings" ("begins" instead of "beings"

You know it.

105Mai Shiranui- "Graced with a pair of bouncing breasts for her debut in Fatal Fury 2..." (I feel like this is kind of an obvious statement. Mai is a woman, she has breasts, breasts bounce. It should have a description that explains why this is important such as "large" or "prominent")

Sure, why not. Her size is part of the equation, after all.

114Ryu Hyabusa- "It is on this journey that Ryu learns the power of the mystical Demon Statues, such that they are in high demand with other powers working against him." ("...demon statues, and the high value they have to the forces working against him.")

To be honest, "such that" never rolled off me right, so I changed it to "...which are in high demand..."

-"He has his sense of honour in the fights he is involved in, yet never holds back." ("His sense of honour never falters in his fights, nor does it hold him back.")

Terser and smoother. Excellenter.

115Penelo- "a vast city of the land of Ivalice, previously seen in Final Fantasy Tactics." ("a vast city in the land of Ivalice")

It's neither wrong nor extraneous. Or do you think it's saying that Rabanastre was in FF Tactics but isn't so?

-"She learned martial arts from her older, deceased, brother, he being a part of the military" ("older, deceased brother [no comma], who was a part of the military")

It's word orders like this where I'm not sure if a comma is needed or not, because either way it reads awkwardly. So I moved the word "deceased" before "older." And I agree that "he being" works better as the past tense clause you suggested.

Thanks again, yo. I for one am glad to have a second opinion on areas I personally don't feel that comfortable with.

I'm having one last go at smoothing out lingering oddities in the bios (missing italics, curly quotation marks, broken links, etc.). I've also been adding ReMixed titles missing from certain Appearance lists.

None of the unknowns (besides Bummerdude) answered my PM offering an allotted time period to chime in with their real names for the "Article by" lines. So that issue's resolved.

[Dafydd]

I think it would be cool to keep updating these bios even after the project is finished - but only the appearances lists, and removing dead links, not by editing the bios themselves (as we decided a long way back, the bios were never intended to be "up-to-date". I could take care of doing this on my own, if you feel like you want to be entirely done with this thing. Also, who knows, DJP might add new mascots at some point. I don't really know why I'm bringing all this up, it's just, we're this close to finishing, and I don't think the project will ever be completely finished, but after the deadline, I have hopes to never have to edit any of the actual bios again.

[Darklink42]

You're quite welcome Polo. By the way, this is the last list. Thanks for letting me help out, it's always good to lend what I can to a good project. Once again though, great job on the bios. I like the variety of writing styles, and especially the non-formal tone a lot of them take while avoiding major spoilers.

123R-9A Arrowhead- "And many bosses there were, a highlight of the R-Type series and a challenge to take down the Arrowhead." (and a challenge to take down in[or "with"] the Arrowhead"

124Ganondorf- "In the end his form is mutated by the corrupting power of the Triforce, and he becomes Ganon." (The Triforce merely granted Ganondorf's dying wish for more power when he transforms into Ganon. The corruption, if any, came from his own evil intentions. I feel like that sentence is misleading in that capacity. I'd go with something more like "In the end, his form is corrupted when his wish for vengeance is granted by the Triforce, transforming him into Ganon." [/fanboy correction])

129Sora- "from Destiny Island who..." (Should be "The Destiny Islands" as that is how they are named in game.)

132Tira- "..."Birds of Passage," and they worked to shape the history of Europe from behind the scenes." (a sect dedicated to shaping the history of Europe...)

134Batsu Iichimonji- "Batsu is voiced by Nobuyuki Hiyama, who provided Link's mature voice in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and has voice roles in other fighting games." ("who, while most noted as Link's mature voice in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, has done voice roles in several other fighting games.")

136Lady- "It is during her search in the tower Temen-Ni-Gru when she meets him" (Small nitpick, but I think it should be "that she meets him" instead of "when")

137Dante- "his senses ever more effective; his equipment can also gain special uses." (his senses becoming ever more effective)

-"not to mention a bit of a womanizer" (also making him a bit of a womanizer.)

142Gambit- "Remy LeBeau, an adventurer from Louisiana," (Now I'm not really up on my X-men, but wasn't Remy Lebeau originally a thief who was part of a guild of them?)

145Blaze the Cat- "Not long before Dr. Eggman makes off with them in Sonic Rush." (It's [or "it is" whichever is more appropriate] not long before...)

-"and acts to situations in a calm and level-headed" (and reacts to situations...)

150Setsuna- "encased behind a mirror." (encasing it behind a mirror?)

[Dafydd]

Thanks for your input, Darklink. It's too bad you didn't post these sooner, as you would probably have been able have more of an impact then.

[Polo]

123R-9A Arrowhead- "And many bosses there were, a highlight of the R-Type series and a challenge to take down the Arrowhead." (and a challenge to take down in[or "with"] the Arrowhead"

Changed to "using" the Arrowhead. Should clear up any chance of confusion.

124Ganondorf- "In the end his form is mutated by the corrupting power of the Triforce, and he becomes Ganon." (The Triforce merely granted Ganondorf's dying wish for more power when he transforms into Ganon. The corruption, if any, came from his own evil intentions. I feel like that sentence is misleading in that capacity. I'd go with something more like "In the end, his form is corrupted when his wish for vengeance is granted by the Triforce, transforming him into Ganon." [/fanboy correction])

Vengeance in his dying wish might be apparent in Ocarina of Time, but it doesn't enter into the paragraph that way. Therefore I cinched it down to "mutated through the power of the Triforce".

129Sora- "from Destiny Island who..." (Should be "The Destiny Islands" as that is how they are named in game.)

Who'da thunk OmegaMe's poster bio could harbor a mishap like that. Fixed.

132Tira- "..."Birds of Passage," and they worked to shape the history of Europe from behind the scenes." (a sect dedicated to shaping the history of Europe...)

That's a potential mislabeling, plus the sentence doesn't lose track of who it's referring to. Pass.

134Batsu Iichimonji- "Batsu is voiced by Nobuyuki Hiyama, who provided Link's mature voice in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and has voice roles in other fighting games." ("who, while most noted as Link's mature voice in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, has done voice roles in several other fighting games.")

It's fine as-is.

136Lady- "It is during her search in the tower Temen-Ni-Gru when she meets him" (Small nitpick, but I think it should be "that she meets him" instead of "when")

"Search" is anchored by the word "during," which refers to a time period. In other words, "it's during this time WHEN..." No need to change it.

137Dante- "his senses ever more effective; his equipment can also gain special uses." (his senses becoming ever more effective)

Word up.

-"not to mention a bit of a womanizer" (also making him a bit of a womanizer.)

I wouldn't say his aggressiveness and competitiveness MAKE him a womanizer; they're separate parts of his personality. Read it backwards ("Being a bit of a womanizer is in his nature") and it should be clear enough.

142Gambit- "Remy LeBeau, an adventurer from Louisiana," (Now I'm not really up on my X-men, but wasn't Remy Lebeau originally a thief who was part of a guild of them?)

Yes, but I left that out when writing his bio because it's part of his unspoken past which causes part of the strain between him and his fellow X-Men. He does travel and look for new thrills though, hence the "adventurer" occupation.

145Blaze the Cat- "Not long before Dr. Eggman makes off with them in Sonic Rush." (It's [or "it is" whichever is more appropriate] not long before...)

Helps the sentence feel more complete, but it's not overly necessary.

-"and acts to situations in a calm and level-headed" (and reacts to situations...)

Yep.

150Setsuna- "encased behind a mirror." (encasing it behind a mirror?)

Nope, his opponent's soul is encased behind a mirror.

Glad you could help us out, Darklink42. 'Twas an honor, and I salute you.

[Dafydd]

Well, what do you know, I failed my own deadline. I'll try to get this done as soon as possible.

EDIT: Ok, can you spot the blooper in this one? http://www.ocremix.org/info/Penelo

EDIT2: These mascots have no remixes:

Akira Kazama

Batsu Iichimonji

Bishamon

Blaze the Cat

Bonus kun

Edge

Gambit

Heather Morris

Hsien-Ko

Jedah Dohma

Jin Kazama

Jon Talbain

Karin Kanzuki

Lady

Leon Belmont

Lilith Aenslaed

LocoRoco

Lord Raptor

Morrigan Aenslaed

Roberto Miura

Servbots

The Prince

Tira

Ukyo Tachibana

Ulala

Venom

Viewtiful Joe

Wain

Think it could be fun to post this list in a request thread once this project has finished, like, a completely voluntary remix project without deadlines of any kind?

[Polo]

EDIT: Ok, can you spot the blooper in this one? http://www.ocremix.org/info/Penelo

'Final' Fantasy is not italicized? Or is it supposed to read "her life on the streets HAD (not has) taught her instincts"?

EDIT2: These mascots have no remixes:

Think it could be fun to post this list in a request thread once this project has finished, like, a completely voluntary remix project without deadlines of any kind?

Finish your Mega Man 4 ReMiX Project, then we'll talk.

[Dafydd]

'Final' Fantasy is not italicized?

I guess that's ok, the quote marks suggest a pun here...

Or is it supposed to read "her life on the streets HAD (not has) taught her instincts"?

I don't know... What do you think?

None of these were what I had in mind though - I was thinking about the one game in the appearances list not being linked to the game - but then I realized the game has no remixes even though it's in the database... should we link it up anyway? If the game gets a remix later on it'll save us the trouble of linking it up later. Also, should we link the mention of Final Fantasy Tactics to its game page?

Finish your Mega Man 4 ReMiX Project, then we'll talk.

Ok, I guess that's fair.

[Polo]

Italicizing 'Final' Fantasy is a go. "Has" indicates present, ongoing action; "had" represents just-passed occurrences. Compare:

Penelo's life HAS taught her instincts (and will continue to as long as she lives on the streets).

Penelo's life HAD taught her instincts (but now she is weaned from street urchin status).

I left it as "has."

I was thinking about the one game in the appearances list not being linked to the game - but then I realized the game has no remixes even though it's in the database... should we link it up anyway? If the game gets a remix later on it'll save us the trouble of linking it up later.

We link to games if they have ReMixes currently up on the site. That's one of the fundamentals of this project. It's fruitless to direct a reader to a remix-less title if we want to guide readers to mixes they haven't heard before. Games like Super Bomberman 3 and Castlevania 64 were represented once, but then the '06 Lockdown deemed their songs unfit for the site. Hence their absence from Bomberman and Dracula's Appearance lists.

But if you or anyone else can confirm that FF12 can be heard in an existing OC ReMix, then we can link the title and supplement it with a footnote like we did in Dante's Appearance list.

Also, should we link the mention of Final Fantasy Tactics to its game page?

No, because Penelo doesn't appear in the game.

[Dafydd]

True, but since the name came up, I just figured it could be linkified (though of course not added to the appearances list).

[Dafydd]

Should we remove the category "mascots" from the category "darkstalkers" and the extended darkstalkers bios? We can't rename the extended ones now, and I think they shouldn't be accessible from the main page without a proper spoiler warning attached. How about they're only accessible from the darkstalkers category (which can, then only be accessed by first reaching one of the darkstalkers bios), and from the darkstalker bio they're in? Or how about creating a new category named "extended darkstalker *spoilers*" which is accessible from the darkstalkers category, but not from the main page? That would mean the darkstalkers category can still be accessed from the main page. Come to think of it, the darkstalkers category is kinda funny, I mean, we don't have categories for "Mario universe" or "megaman" or "rival schools" or "final fantasy"... But we did need somewhere to put that "what are the darkstalkers" thingy. I'm just not sure it should be accessible from the main page.

Also, I've started writing some stuff on the main page. I figured it's better to throw something out and then revise it than waiting for the perfect sentences to form in my head and then write them down.

[Polo]

I removed [[Category:Mascots]] from the extended DS bios. Now they don't appear on the main page but still show up in the Darkstalkers category. We don't need to quarantine them any further.

Not sure what to do about the Darkstalkers article. It mirrors the words in the DS category, and having two pages read the same way is kind of a waste. Removing the text from it strips it from the Mascots category, but it'll still show up as a blank page when someone searches for "Darkstalkers" in the Wiki. As you said once, redirecting the blank article to the DS category is a no-go. I thought of redirecting to one of the Darkstalkers, but that would put biased emphasis on one of them. Putting text on the page that says something like "See: Category:Darkstalkers" is essentially telling readers "click twice, not once, for info on these characters." Plus, info on the series will be first and foremost accessible through 5 of the short DS bios (and all the long ones), not the Mascots category page. Should we just ask Larry to delete the DS article?

They were added to the site in 200X

That's the spirit! Make it read like a distorted prologue in a video game! (I think it was May 23, 2004 that they first started appearing, but I might be wrong...) Also, I think you can just say "Currently, there are..." without updating the date every day.

A few of them have more than one image, but only one article (Crono, Princess Zelda, and Solid Snake), which means that clicking either of the images will redirect you to the same page.

Fixed.

They are meant as an introduction, not a full (?)

"...not a full, detailed history that reveals everything about the mascot." That better?

We did our best to keep spoilers out

More like "at a minimum" (because some are inevitable).

Credits / Thanks

There will be a load of people to thank here. Do we mention them all?

Mention as many as you want. Here's some ideas (there's overlap in places):

- The 16 writers (for writing the articles) and 3 editors among them (for clean-up)

- Darkesword (for early guidelines and support)

- Liontamer (for Wiki integration instructions)

- djpretzel (for the Photoshopped mascots, the coding to click on them to access the articles, and of course OCR )

- The many supporters (for questions, corrections, and rooting for us)

[Dafydd]

As you said once, redirecting the blank article to the DS category is a no-go.

I said that? I did it just now (though it's not blank) and it works fine... did I say it didn't work, or did I say it was wrong? If we can't remove the DS article altogether, I'd say this is the best way to go.

Should we just ask Larry to delete the DS article?

If it can be done. I think there was at least one more article that we ended up not using (due to a spelling error), so we should make sure to list every page we want removed before asking him to remove any of them.

- The 16 writers (for writing the articles) and 3 editors among them (for clean-up)

- Darkesword (for early guidelines and support)

- Liontamer (for Wiki integration instructions)

- djpretzel (for the Photoshopped mascots, the coding to click on them to access the articles, and of course OCR )

- The many supporters (for questions, corrections, and rooting for us)

These are the people I had in mind. Maybe it's best to leave it like that, and then add "If you feel like you deserve to have your name mentioned here, just ask." or something.

Thanks for your other comments. The main page needs to read as well as the bios do, and I threw out some unfinished sentences just to get started. Sometimes I'm having trouble finding words for what I want to say, so it's good to have a native speaker around

[Polo]

I guess I misunderstood your words 4 pages ago...

I tried moving the page named "Darkstalkers" (which I didn't know existed yet) to "Category:Darkstalkers" but it wouldn't allow me to for some reason.

I thought you tried replacing the text in the DS article with #REDIRECT [[Category: Darkstalkers]] and it wouldn't let you. But never mind that; it works fine now. Odd to see the article listed in the DS category when it says "Redirected from Darkstalkers" up top, but then every article has two default links to the same page it's showing. So yeah, good show with the redirect, dude.

"Bonus Kun" (capital K) and "Mega Man X (full armor)" were the other ghost articles, but they're safely redirected, so we can let those go.

[Dafydd]

So if we ask LT to remove the one named "Darkstalker" we tell him to remove those two as well, correct?

I think I vaguely remember trying to redirect that page back then, yes. I don't know what was the problem then, something about permissions or the likes.

[Polo]

Just "Mega Man X (full armor)" can be deleted alongside "Darkstalkers". Bonus kun, however it's typed in the Search line, brings up the correctly spelt article (lowercase 'k'). Nothing wrong with that.

[Dafydd]

I guess you're right. Ok. I'll keep messing with the main page, LT is really busy right now anyway.

[Liontamer]

I guess you're right. Ok. I'll keep messing with the main page, LT is really busy right now anyway.

I'll try to check into the aforementioned issues this evening if possible.

[Dafydd]

You wouldn't have the slightest about when DJP will implement the click-the-mascot-and-reach-the-article functionality, would you?

EDIT: I'm off to Paris and will most likely be offline until Wednesday.

[Dafydd]

Would it be a good idea to have a page on the wiki listing all the writers, and perhaps, though probably not, even give each writer a page listing all of that writer's articles? I feel it would be nice to at least list the writers, but maybe that can be done on the main page... it just feels wrong to say "thanks to the 16 writers" without saying who they are.