DragonAvenger Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Contact Name: Tyler Gill Email: Forum Userid: 24506 Submission Game: Super Mario 64 (Super Mario Bros.) Arrangement Title: Through the Bay Songs: - Dire, Dire Docks (Super Mario 64) - Overworld Theme (Super Mario Bros.) - Water Theme (Super Mario Bros.) (Though it may have been transformed out of recognizability) Comments Dire, Dire Docks has always been one of my favorite songs. But the level that I knew the music from was really Jolly Roger Bay, which was the first level in Super Mario 64 I ever played. Through the Bay is inspired by that level. The idea was to have the song journey through the different sections of the level. Originally, there were going to be three sections - one for the beach and dock, one for the water, and a final one for the cave. Each of these sections would blend the Jolly Roger Bay theme with the traditional Mario theme for each of those three locales (Overworld, Underwater, Underground). Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out a good way to get the Underground Theme to fit into the Jolly Roger Bay theme, but each of the other two themes made it in. Source Breakdown 0:00 - 0:16 (Original) 0:16 - 0:38 SMB: Overworld Theme 0:38 - 0:56 SM64: Dire, Dire Docks (A Theme) 0:56 - 1:25 SMB: Overworld Theme 1:25 - 1:39 SM64: Dire, Dire Docks (Intro) 1:39 - 2:11 SM64: Dire, Dire Docks (A Theme) 2:11 - 2:31 (Original) 2:31 - 2:56 SM64: Dire, Dire Docks (B Theme) 2:56 - 3:07 SMB: Water Theme (influenced by, at least...) 3:07 - 4:29 SM64: Dire, Dire Docks (A Theme) 4:29 - 4:37 SMB: 1up Sources SM64: Dire, Dire Docks ( )- There were three main themes from the source that I used, and this is where they are in the YouTube link: 0:00 - 0:21 Intro 0:21 - 0:41 A Theme 0:41 - 0:56 B Theme (I sincerely hope you know these themes. They're here just for completeness' sake.) SMB: Overworld Theme ( )SMB: Water Theme ( ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonAvenger Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 There are a lot of really fun ideas here, and some of the writing is very creative. I think some of the ideas aren't hitting the mark too well, on the other side of things. The overworld theme felt somewhat forced into the arrangement, for example. It didn't sound wrong, but I also don't think it was helping the arrangement either. Similarly, I was stretching to hear the Dire Dire Docks B theme that you pointed out in your breakdown. I think it's a bit too much of a stretch there. The other issue I'm not quite feeling as much is how repetitive the end section gets with the main riff of DDD. I like some of the repetition; it strengthens the mix and the little ideas you have between them is fun. I just think it goes on for a bit too long. Production is pretty good, but with a piano arrangement things tend to stick out more. The sound is passable as is, but it definitely sounds not realistic. The sequencing is where I'm feeling things are lacking humanism, and would love for you to touch it up with those little human timings and expressivity to make this shine. This is a super close call, and I can really see people going either way on this. Solo pianos are always scrutinized a bit more than other mixes due to the nature of how exposed they are, and I think this one isn't quite there yet. I hope you smooth out the details and send this back to us! NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutritious Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Good points by DA above. The tough thing about solo piano mixes is there's so much focus on a single instrument, that weaknesses in sequencing or sample realism are much more exposed. As mentioned before, piano tone doesn't sound realistic per se, but is passable. I could tell you spent a lot of time on velocities, but the piano still comes off as too robotic to me. A little rubato could go a long way here, perhaps even a touch of room reverb. The left hand part also could use more variety in some of the repeating passages. On the arrangement, I liked the interplay between overworld and the water themes. I thought it was a nice creative touch. However, the connections to the source from 1:42 - 3:24 seemed too tenuous to be called dire dire docks honestly. I mean, I hear what you're going for, it's just stretching it too far away from the original IMO. Overall, this is nice work, just not up to the bar yet. No, resubmit please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palpable Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 This is very close to good to go, as far as I'm concerned. The arrangement is clever and expressive, the piano is a good enough sound. With a couple fixes, this is an easy YES. One, maybe spend a little more time with rubato and velocity/timing humanizations. There were moments that were too squarely played and only in those moments was the spell broken for me. Two, some light reverb would improve this a lot. Please keep working on this, it's so close! I was even tempted to pass it because of how much you got right. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkeSword Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Just want to chime in here and point out that the bit that starts at 1:14 with the descending chromatic part from the SMB theme sounds really bad and does not fit at all. It yanks me right out of what's happening in the piece and doesn't harmonize well at all. I really urge you to try to adapt the SMB theme to something diatonic. Other Js have touched on production concerns so I won't bother with those; plus this is already at 3N, so I'll end my vote here. NO, resub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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