Pokémon Ruby & Sapphire - Verdanturf Town

[Albaer]

Hi there, this is my first attempt at a remix. I've wanted to do something with Verdanturf Town's theme for a while as it's one of my favourites from the Pokémon series. The original is quite a nice little piece, so I went with a sadder feel to it, as if the town had burned down. At this point I'm not quite sure what to do with it, so I'm looking forward to some constructive criticism.

Original:

My Work-In-Progress: https://soundcloud.com/albaermusic/verdanturf-town-remix

Mod Review Version: https://soundcloud.com/albaermusic/verdanturf-town-remix-mod

Edited May 30, 2013 by Albaer

[timaeus222]

Great adaptation to a minor key! That isn't done very often---only

, AFAIK, so good idea.

The left hand sounds a little muddy, so perhaps your reverb needs a slight bump up on the low cut crossover frequency. The piano itself might need some more velocity adjustments if it's MIDI, because it seems the reverb could be covering up some mechanical imperfections.

The drums at 1:13 were unexpected, so try adding a reverse cymbal or some sort of leadin there. For some reason the drums seem to all be panned center except for a hi hat and a ride. Try panning like a real drum kit. The one in my high school's choir room has the Hi Hat on the left, Cymbal/Ride on the right, Snare slight right, Kick center, and... one Tom. Toms should be: Hi Tom right, Mid Tom slight right, Low Tom slight left (more left than the Mid Tom is right), Floor Tom left.

It's also useful to try out some mid-side and/or bus compression and room reverb to see if it helps any on the drum punchiness.

Make sure you sidechain the kick to the bass you added. It's also helpful to add automation to lower the frequency bands below 150Hz or so on the piano to make room for the bass.

[Albaer]

Thanks for the compliment and in-depth feedback, much appreciated. I'll get to work on the things you mentioned and upload when I think I've fixed everything, or if I hit a road block.

[Kanohi]

I really liked the ambient noises in the background during the first half, they add a lot to the tone of the song! The minor key sounds great, very moody, like an overcast and rainy Verdanturf.

I feel like the snare could use a little more sizzle, maybe? Try using rim hits a bit, during the more laid back bits, and build into the full snare, it might add a bit of dynamic

[Elder Kirby]

Hey, this is very nice!

I agree with timaeus about the lower notes being muddy.

The background noises and pads definitely add a lot of depth to this.

Besides the muddiness, I don't see anything else that stands out as bad. The reverb is probably causing the muddiness, but it works well for the mid to treble range, giving the piece a nostalgic vibe.

Good job!

[Albaer]

Once again, thanks for the compliments and feedback. I think I've addressed most of the issues that were mentioned...

http://soundcloud.com/albaermusic/verdanturf-town-remix-mod

...The big one being the muddiness of the piano in the lower register. Other changes include a reverse cymbal so the drums aren't quite so unexpected, panning of the drums, better EQ and reverb for the drums, sidechain for the kick, and automated EQ below 150hz for the piano to make room for bass.

If there isn't anymore glaring issues I guess I'll change this to mod review, but until then, any more constructive criticism is welcome.

Edited May 27, 2013 by Albaer

[Albaer]

Just thought I'd bump this up as I think it may have been overlooked for Mod Review.

[Gario]

MOD REVIEW

I like the combination of sounds in this one - piano with pads + drums + bass - it just sounds so... right. Overall I find no production issues with this one, either, other than a consistent clicking in the background that occurs throughout the song (listen for it with headphones at the beginning or end of the track, you'll be able to hear it better). I think it'd be great to get rid of that artifact.

Overall, while you bump the harmonies down to it's relative minor (while holding on to the melody's original key), I don't think the arrangement takes enough liberty with the source. I thought the variation that you made was great, and does add interest to the track overall, but otherwise as far as I can tell you follow the source pretty close. The instrumentation is very similar, and the structure is almost identical (if a little extended with the instrumentation).

There is potential to stray from the source a little bit more than you have, here. While very nice, and this does have some great ideas I feel it's a little too conservative. It's very close, though - there are some items at the end that do help this stand out, as well as a short section at 1:00 that give this track some real flavor. Be willing to pull away from the source a little more in this track and clean the artifact that I mentioned up and I'd give this one the okay.

Keep it up, and best of luck!

[Albaer]

Thanks for the feedback Gario, I really appreciate it.

As for the clicking in the intro and ending, that comes from a burning/flames sample I added, the clicking being the crackling of a fire. I guess that it didn't have the intended effect if it comes across as an audio artifact, so the remix might be better off without it.

To be honest, I'm not totally sure of the standard here when it comes to straying from the source. I guess I've underestimated it in this case, so for now I'll see if I can come up with some more material to serve the remix.

[timaeus222]

Thanks for the feedback Gario, I really appreciate it.

As for the clicking in the intro and ending, that comes from a burning/flames sample I added, the clicking being the crackling of a fire. I guess that it didn't have the intended effect if it comes across as an audio artifact, so the remix might be better off without it.

To be honest, I'm not totally sure of the standard here when it comes to straying from the source. I guess I've underestimated it in this case, so for now I'll see if I can come up with some more material to serve the remix.

The fire crackling is fine as long as it's more obvious, but if you want to scrap it, that's fine. It doesn't really add anything musically by itself, but it contributes to the backstory.

You can be more liberal if it's still recognizable, but think about it. If you heard something that was "based on" a source section somewhat liberally, would you recognize it as the source either by accident or on purpose? It works well to start a little conservative and get a little more liberal as you go, then back to conservative so that the variations you make are more easily detected.

[Gario]

That SFX is fire? Yeah, it's actually fine to use it, but it needs to be clear that it's fire (moment of silence dedicated to establishing the SFX, mixing the volume so it balances with the music, etc.). You could also remove it, if you don't feel it adds all that much to the track.

When it comes to being conservative, your track is very much a borderline case - I was having a hard time giving it a 'yay' or 'nay' response. What tipped that scale for me, though, is the fact that the actual arrangement plays out almost measure-by-measure, from what I was hearing, with an intro and ending. Like I mentioned before, there are some parts in it that break up the arrangement (like that moment at 1:00) that make it stand out (which helps a lot), so it isn't like it's a cover, or anything.

That, in combination of the instrumentation being very similar really does make this sound more like an enhancement of the original (which the site is more or less against). Since the instrument combination is very clean on your track, changing the arrangement up a touch is what I'm suggesting for the sake of submission - don't be afraid to not only add parts, but move parts around and perhaps even omit small sections to give the track some variety against the source.

I'd like to emphasize that this is a very close call, though - don't think for a second that you have to do something extreme, like rearrange the entire track. Just make it so it doesn't synch up with it as much as it does now and I'd give it my 'O.K.' to be submitted to the site.

[Albaer]

Okay, well thanks for clearing that up, I definitely have a better idea now as to what I should be changing with the arrangement. I'll see what I can come up with and post back here when I've put something together.

[Albaer]

So it's been a while, but I thought I should try to finish this remix.

I addressed the arrangement issue by adding a bridge section using the main motif. Also, I got rid of the fire SFX as it didn't really add much to the remix. Any further critique is appreciated.

Link:

https://soundcloud.com/albaermusic/verdanturf-remix-ver-2

[timaeus222]

This sounds better than before. I think the piano could use some minor tweaks in the velocities to widen the dynamic range a bit more. For example, at 3:20, the half-step trill could have the second note be lower in velocity. In general the notes written are good, but those minor tweaks could help them be more expressive.

The drums seem a bit distant, but that's okay. The snare and toms could come through a little more though, to give more impact in the heavier sections for more dynamic contrast. i.e. 2:28 - 3:04. It seems like sometimes you wanted it louder and it didn't get loud enough.

Overall, this was enjoyable, but more rhythmic and harmonic variations to the piano part and more velocity humanization would do this more justice. I get what you're going for in certain parts, but the mixing and some of the velocity work just doesn't convey that fully yet, IMO.

[Anorax]

Oy, what happened to your soundcloud links? I wanted to take a listen to this...