Liontamer Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Artists/Remixers: DragonAvenger, Retlaf Real Name: Retlaf: Andrew Willman (don't know DragonAvenger's, nor am I sure if she wants it posted) Email: Retlaf: neowneow@gmail.com (again, not sure if she wants it posted; guess I should have asked :/ ) Website: Retlaf: http://neowneow.googlepages.com/ DragonAvenger: http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?songs=372657&T=8049 Userid: Not sure about this one. Game: Chrono Cross Song: Dream of a Shore Near Another World Remix Name: Hallucination of Another World Comments: I don't *think* she's sent this in already. Figured I'd give it a shot. I remember reading awhile back something about leaving links posted upon request (so others are able to see what the judges are commenting on). If this is still possible, I wouldn't mind it. If not, it's not an issue. http://neowneow.googlepages.com/Chrono_Cross_Hallucination_of_Another_World_OC_ReMix.mp3 ~Andrew ------------------------------------------------------ http://www.tzone.org/~llin/psf/packs2/Chrono_Cross_psf.rar - 107 "Dream of the Shore Bordering Another World" Rather surprised pixietricks didn't get to this one first. She could offer the best specific advice on the vocals, though "practice, practice, practice" is always sound on a general level. Decent dual pianos introing the arrangement; it simplifies the source a bit (making room for vocals), but takes care to rearrange the theme a bit; the ideas in place so far are alright. The piano playing the source at the foundation of the piece does need to get more interpretive and/or varied; add more ideas there. It's relying too much on the embellishments of the second piano to provide the interpretation. First hear the vocals lightly at :12, though the effects are cheaply applied. Note how her voice cuts off at :17 and :23. Then some audible hiss comes in at :23 when the main vocals arrive. Was lame to simply use the first 10 seconds of vocals lightly in the intro at :12 when you can tell they're from the same recording at :23. Vocals are decent, certainly bolstered a bit by the delay employed on 'em. Delivery's not very strong though (e.g. :58-1:08, 2:09-2:16), and some of the word pronunciation should probably be breathier to flow better; some of the syllables are crammed together and enunciated too much in the haste to fit them according to the source melody's timing. Bad skip in the hiss on the recorded vocals at 2:26, then audibly hearing the hiss trail out at 2:38 as the vocals ended leaving an entirely pristine soundscape sounded really cheap. Gotta get a better recording on those vocals or better eliminate the hiss. Keep working on this, y'all. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillian Aversa Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Rather surprised pixietricks didn't get to this one first. She could offer the best specific advice on the vocals, though "practice, practice, practice" is always sound on a general level. A pixietricks appears! I wanted to get to this last night, but I didn't have a chance. Anywho, the vocals are a little rough for several reasons. Before I proceed, though, I wanna make this clear: I know how personal vocal criticism can feel, as one's voice is not just their instrument, but a part of their physical makeup. So I hope DragonAvenger won't take any suggestions I make too personally, because I'm trying to help the best way I know how. ^-^ That being said, she has pretty good pitch, so that's definitely a start. Whether or not the use of straight tone was a stylistic choice or a technical boundary in this case, the result was a very dry sound. If DragonAvenger can use vibrato, I would encourage it (within reason). If she can't, however, there are still ways to produce a beautiful, warm tone! This ability depends on the shape of the mouth on the inside, and the direction in which the air is produced according to that shape. I'm hearing a lot of spread in her singing. I won't go into all the boring, pedagogical details here, but if you'd like to know more, DA, feel free to PM me. Otherwise, working on things with a professional teacher could go a long way. Aside from the actual tone of the voice, there were also problems in the execution of the lyrics. I can't make a lot of them out, for starters, but that's equally the fault of the mixer as the performer here. I wish you had provided us with the text, because it would make the following explanation much easier: "Blaaaaah blaaaaah blaaaaah... The shooooore on anoooooother worldBlaaaaah..." That's what I hear. The first phrase ends with the words "shore on another world," but there isn't enough time for DragonAvenger to take a breath before she starts the next phrase, so it begins at a very disortienting place in the lyrics. In order to make the melody work in this case, you would either have to stretch time before the second phrase, or change the lyrics to reflect one, long thought. The same can be said for all the following stanzas as well. It sounds choppy as is, and prevents the singer from being expressive with her voice and text. Larry already covered the hiss stuff, but did he mention that there's also clipping at 2:07? You two are off to a good start here, so I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet! NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zykO Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 pixietricks: what about the rest of the song? did the vocals play the only role in your decision? ------------ the piano is intriguing due to a nice arrangement as the song plods along. note though that i do say plod and that is precisely what the song does. i don't like how the pianos sound muddy in the mix. there aren't any lyrics to this, right? cuz i can't understand a thing you're saying. everyonce in a while i hear a word i recognize and am reminded you aren't singing in a different language. i'm not criticizing the singing, unlike other vocal experts, but it might be a helpful to work on your lyrical enunciation. like larry said, the recording on the vocals is a problem - i mean it is very ghetto (yes i don't use big fancy terms)... did you record through a computer mic in a parking structure? the good attributes are plentiful. it is driving, it is beautiful, the voice is real and unrefined, and the source is fantastic. what it needs is a new EQ, enunciation on vocals, and better recording. some slight changes, also, in momentum like a pitcher would changes speed in an at bat will freshen it up nicely my least favorite kind of vote: refine/resubmit NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillian Aversa Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 pixietricks:what about the rest of the song? did the vocals play the only role in your decision? No, but Larry already covered the other things I wanted to say about the piano. I talked a lot about the vocals because he called for my "expertise," as it were. If you read closely, you'll see that I spoke just as much about the lyrical problems as the voice itself. Besides, I also reiterated the hissing issues, mixing of the vocals, and pointed out some clipping at 2:07 that he didn't mention. Those are all grounds for a NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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