Liontamer Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Original Decision: http://www.ocremix.org/forums/showthread.php?t=7741 Sup OG, So, in the time since I last subbed this particular track, I've tweaked it quite a bit. It's for the Tales project, so, on the off chance it gets accepted, it needs to be on lockdown. Here's the link & info! Remxer: The Joker Name: David L. Puga Email: Jtown_music(at)yahoo.com Website: www.myspace.com/davidlpuga Forum#:8669 (I think) Track: Cold Memory Game: Tales of Phantasia Song: Freeze Additonal: Summoning of Spirits Project track. Comments: Since the last time I submitted, I tweaked the arrangement considerably. Not so much in the first half, just added some string lines & tweaked arrangement. Though, the second half is almost completely new. Not so sure I did a good job on the new age-ish drums, but, I dig'em. What else... this is really the last & final version I'm gonna do of this track, so hopefully it'll pass. Hope you guys dig it! Later lates, David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkeSword Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 This is really quiet..like...really quiet. Needs to be brought up overall, I think. I like your string work and the balance. There's a nice dreamy sound to this. The descending piano is tricky; there are a few times where the notes are repeated in succession with the same velocity, and that kind of breaks the downward motion of the line. I realize that may be part of the source, but you might be better served tweaking the velocities a bit. A minor gripe, but something that stuck out for me. New Age drums don't work. I don't think the kick is deep enough, and that tom sound you use sticks out too much, especially with the kind of reverb you have on them. The cymbal/tambourine/hat would be better if it weren't such a sharp sound. It cuts through the soundscape too much. The arrangement and interpretation isn't bad, though. Nice work on that. Gets to be a little aimless at times though; maybe that's characteristic of the genre? Work on the execution. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 http://snesmusic.org/v2/download.php?spcNow=top - "Freeze" (top-109.spc) Aight, opens up pretty gentile. The higher string work in particular sounds decent but sloppy in terms of some of the sequencing/attacks being jerky and unrealistic when they're more exposed in the beginning (:23-1:23). Agreed with DS on the piano velocities needing to be refined as well. Still seems pretty aimless, composition-wise. I just don't care if it's a byproduct of the genre; if you're working with melodious music and someone you end up with melodic wanderlust, in most cases it's because something's not clicking. What the hell? Ok, so the whole track is quiet as a mouse, then these comparatively loud as hell beats come in, completely out of left field, at 2:31. Reread DarkeSword's crits there; these drums definitely aren't working as is. The arrangement also feels too liberal, which I should have come down harder on. I mean, I see the resemblance, but from :30-on, it feels too inspired by the source and not explicitly derived from it. Didn't get anything explicit until the chorus at 1:23, which was still pretty liberal before playing it straighter from 1:48-2:11. Most of the time though I'm getting the "inspired by" vibe from this piece rather than explicit derivation. I'd appreciate a breakdown next time if this was resubbed, just to understand the source usage better. Honestly, I would have put more work into focusing the composition, so I don't agree with DS's praise there. There's too little direction, undermining the effectiveness of the dynamic changes in the composition. (And a look back on my previous vote shows that exact same criticism in the conclusion last time.) Unfortunate, because you seem to be retaining the overall structure of the original, at least as best as I can tell. In any case, this still needs more focus, as well as keeping all of the instrumentation criticisms DS mentioned in mind if you wanted to resubmit this. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't see how the changes here make this any sort of improvement over the previous version. NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zircon Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Man you gotta actually read our comments when you go for a resub. We brought up volume last time, so that should have been addressed. The whole first part of the track is 6db under 0, and the loudest parts of the song are ~1.5, but only on the perc hits, so you DEFINITELY need some master compression. Agreed with Larry that composition is meandering. You can do new age without being aimless. I felt like the source had some very strong motifs that were just watered down here. Even the main melody at 2:32 was changed in such a way to lose its power, probably because of what you did with the chords underneath. Sound choices tended to be thin with little low to low-mid presence. All the block string chords were not very interesting, if you're going to do that I would use pads instead so you could at least have some motion to the sound. The drums absolutely don't work later on in any way... the pattern doesn't do much, the mixing is too high-biased, and the sounds don't fit. The ending was sort of pointless as it just moved around through some chords and voicings before fading out. Lack of direction in the arrangement is the main problem here. You need more interesting writing. Production is also not strong and should be improved, starting with volume and EQ issues. NO, resub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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