Super Mario World "Shrouds of Illusion"

[The Instrumental Light]

Hello, all. It's been a while since I've worked on a remix, so here is another one: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=745187&content=songinfo&songID=6028770

NOTE: I do know that the song is short, but I'm stuck and I need some suggestions. I was hoping that someone would be able to give me some useful feedback. Thanks in advance!

Source:

http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/smw1forest.mid

[Gimgak]

Pretty good rain effects at the beginning. Then a piano comes in with a melody with two other instruments backing it up. Those two other instruments sound like their hanging over on some notes which creates some dissonance. Unless your going for that sort of mood, I'd try to fix it.

The flute that comes in sounds ok, though it could maybe sound a little more separate from the other instruments.

A small detail is that the rain just suddenly cuts off. You may want to try fading it out to make a better transition into the next part of your song.

As for where to go from here, that's really up to you. You might want to add some percussion or more instruments. Not to be harsh, but this intro is a little boring. But if you resolved the intro with a more interesting part after it I think this could work.

[Rozovian]

I'm not hearing the lead melody from the source. Not saying I don't like your suppressed take on it, but I can't identify the source just from hearing this. The whole thing is short, so take everything you can from the source. If whatever sequencer you use can open MIDI, do it, and rip the melody. If not, listen and copy, note for note. I couldn't remember the theme when I heard your remix, so fix that. When someone hears a remix, they should also remember the source, at least the portions that appear in the remix.

The rain lasts for way too long and is way too loud. The Wingless used rain and thunder in the intro to One Girl in All the World, which gave it a more defined first mood, but even so, it fades out kind'a soon. And for good reason.

I'm hearing some tempo change, which gives it a more pro feel, and while I use and abuse the tempo, without notes that tell how the tempo changes, it just feels weird to suddenly hear something sooner than you expected, or not hearing it until a split second later. That's more off-putting than skillful, sorry. The strings in the background could change, find some simple rhythm, riff, pattern or something to play with those. Long chords generally don't get a high score from the Judges, either.

So, useful suggestions:

- Make sure the rain has faded out by 0:25

- Add rhythm to the background strings

- Toss in the original lead melody somewhere, even if it's suppressed for the rest of the remix

- Continue it as a march or something else with a solid rhythm

- Change instruments further ahead, let a horn or oboe or something else play the lead

- Consider changing the rhythm of the original melody, or slowing it down to use it as background for an original melody reminiscent of the theme

- And the flute needs to be louder

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[The Instrumental Light]

I'm not hearing the lead melody from the source. Not saying I don't like your suppressed take on it, but I can't identify the source just from hearing this. The whole thing is short, so take everything you can from the source. If whatever sequencer you use can open MIDI, do it, and rip the melody. If not, listen and copy, note for note. I couldn't remember the theme when I heard your remix, so fix that. When someone hears a remix, they should also remember the source, at least the portions that appear in the remix.

Actually, to be honest, the piano and the flute play the main melody, but it doesn't sound like it because the mood in this song is so much different than the mood in the original track. This is actually not finished, but I posted because I didn't have a good idea as to what I wanted to do next.

The rain lasts for way too long and is way too loud. The Wingless used rain and thunder in the intro to One Girl in All the World, which gave it a more defined first mood, but even so, it fades out kind'a soon. And for good reason.

You might be right, but it just seems kind of weird to cut off rain at that particular point. Maybe it would work, but who knows...

I'm hearing some tempo change, which gives it a more pro feel, and while I use and abuse the tempo, without notes that tell how the tempo changes, it just feels weird to suddenly hear something sooner than you expected, or not hearing it until a split second later. That's more off-putting than skillful, sorry. The strings in the background could change, find some simple rhythm, riff, pattern or something to play with those. Long chords generally don't get a high score from the Judges, either.

Hmm...

So, useful suggestions:

- Make sure the rain has faded out by 0:25

- Add rhythm to the background strings

- Toss in the original lead melody somewhere, even if it's suppressed for the rest of the remix

- Continue it as a march or something else with a solid rhythm

- Change instruments further ahead, let a horn or oboe or something else play the lead

- Consider changing the rhythm of the original melody, or slowing it down to use it as background for an original melody reminiscent of the theme

- And the flute needs to be louder

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll comment more later, hopefully with a revised version of my song. Thanks for the critique!

[The Instrumental Light]

Yo, all. I've been working on my song, and I've made some revisions, although I did leave some things the way they were. Hopefully by tomorrow or Monday I'll have a "rough sketch" of the whole song to present.

[Ark]

It's kinda... flat on the harmony, and relies too much on the rain FX to give any kind of mood to it.

You definitely should use the rhythm of the original melody at some point, because that would make the remix instantly recognizable as to its source. At the very least, you need the ba-da-bum ba-da-bum rhythm (at the start of the melody) to be prominent, as well as the jump up in tone afterwards- those are, to me, the defining features of the melody.

The flute is definitely best suited for the lead, though, and the basic instruments sound good, but you could play to their strengths more- a bass line for the piano, harmonies in the strings, and a higher pitch for the flute would help fill out the sound.

[metaphist]

I heard the source in there, though it took careful listening. To me it's fine since it's just the intro. He's got the whole rest of the song to make it recognizable, people .

What was said about the rain, I agree. Needs to be a bit more subtle. Also, your notes in the intro could be a lot more organic. Vary the velocity and the rhythm. Listen to any piano mix here, or some classical piano for examples.

Not much else to say until we hear the meat and potatoes on this.

[The Instrumental Light]

Thanks for the critique, everyone! I'm sorry to keep you waiting, but I've been very busy, and this song isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Hopefully sometime soon I'll get around to finishing the outline of it, and I thank everyone fot their encouragement and critique.