Quia Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 This is my first two remixes. I have already submitted Vampirewatching but not get any response yet. Night in Pipe Maze VIP is my latest remix. I hope you can give me some comments and critique of how too improve this song. --------------------------------------------------------------- Super Mario Bros 3 World Map 7 - Pipe Maze Nes Night in Pipe Maze VIP Click here to listen! EDIT: Night in Pipe Maze VIP v2 Click here to listen! EDIT: Night in Pipe Maze VIP v3 Click here to listen! EDIT: Night in Pipe Maze VIP v4 Click here to listen! Night in Pipe Maze WIP v5 -------------------------------------------------------------- Castlevania Stalker Nes Song title: Vampirewatching Click here to listen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bozlifyme Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I don't even know where to start. I would say these are midi rips except i know they aren't. I guess i have to say that Mario 3 is better but its still lacking in all areas. They both sound really quite. You need to add in samples and change up the sequencing. These both need lots of work before they can be called "Remixes." I know someone else who knows more about it will come in here and give you the low down. As far as the Castlevania song, it should be pretty obvious why no one commented on it. it needs a TON of work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 I don't even know where to start. I would say these are midi rips except i know they aren't. I guess i have to say that Mario 3 is better but its still lacking in all areas. They both sound really quite. You need to add in samples and change up the sequencing. These both need lots of work before they can be called "Remixes." I know someone else who knows more about it will come in here and give you the low down. Sad that you didn't like it. Thanks anyway for the critique. As far as the Castlevania song, it should be pretty obvious why no one commented on it. it needs a TON of work. The song has has not been uploaded on the site, refused or taken to the judges. That was what I meant with no respons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bozlifyme Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I never said I didn't like it. I 'meant' to say that it was so unpolished that you should have waited for it to progress more before posting it. I good start would be to replace the instruments you have with more realistic sounding ones. Then that would be a good place for people to start critiquing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 I good start would be to replace the instruments you have with more realistic sounding ones. Then that would be a good place for people to start critiquing. Ok, here it is... Night in Pipe Maze WIP v2 Click here to listen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bozlifyme Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 There it is! Thats what i wanted to hear. I big step up from v1. I like the jazzy funk feel you gave it. A good direction to go. I like the bass thing in the back where its like a couple base hits and then a mini crescendo or something, but it sounds a little odd for the song. Do you know what I'm talking about? I wouldn't take it out but I would focus on that for a bit to find something that works. I'm not sure what you should do for it. *********Maybe someone else could fill you in on this if they listen to the song********* I like the break in music at 2:30 and then the lead up but you should cut out the second lull in music from 2:43 to 2:53, and go straight into the beat. Don't break the rhythm like that. If someone was dancing to this song they would be getting ready to go nuts during the lead up nut then...nothing. They'd have to stop and get the tempo again. Really liking it now. If you keep this up and maybe even get, dare I saw it, a collaboration goin with some live instruments, you may have a submission worthy piece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 There it is! Thats what i wanted to hear. I big step up from v1. I like the jazzy funk feel you gave it. A good direction to go. I also think it got better:-) It was a superb tips to remove those synthetic FL synts and replace theme with some real sounds. I like the bass thing in the back where its like a couple base hits and then a mini crescendo or something, but it sounds a little odd for the song. Do you know what I'm talking about? I wouldn't take it out but I would focus on that for a bit to find something that works. I'm not sure what you should do for it. At the moment I'm not sure what you are talking about but I will try to figure it out. I like the break in music at 2:30 and then the lead up but you should cut out the second lull in music from 2:43 to 2:53, and go straight into the beat. Don't break the rhythm like that. If someone was dancing to this song they would be getting ready to go nuts during the lead up nut then...nothing. They'd have to stop and get the tempo again. I will have those things in mind when I do v3. Really liking it now. If you keep this up and maybe even get, dare I saw it, a collaboration goin with some live instruments, you may have a submission worthy piece. If someone wants to play an instrument in this song they can contact me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rozovian Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 It sounds sequenced and stiff, especially the flute. Use pitch bend for fast note motion, or find yourself a sample with better attack. Also, you might want to add some envelope-modulation-controlled effects, if you can do that with your DAW. Just to make the long notes seem less looped. I'm not talking about flanger, phaser and chorus, I mean modulating the cutoff, pitch, volume, and other attributes _slightly_. I'd recommend leaving out most of the mario sound effects, they make it sound cheesy. There's a few that work, but most pipes and bounce effects sound dumb, frankly. Overall, it's pretty simplistic. Much of the time, I'm hearing to pad+flute or pad+flute+base, and drums. There's asome cool articulations you've done with pitch bend, but I'd like to hear something more elaborate. There's a long break towards the end that doesn't work well, you need to fill that up with... something. Ideally, it'd be different enough from the repeated melodies and harmonies you've already used. Listen to source and see what else you can take from there. Then there's the mixing headaches... While I can't judge from laptop speakers the finer details, i sounds like there's not much done in terms of leveling and EQing. Do some slight changes to track volume and EQ, maybe master EQ as well. Everything sounds like it's in the mid-high range, not much going on in the mid-low range. There's a bass, but it doesn't have bass enough, methinks. But try stuff out, and undo it if it doesn't sound better. But it's not bad. Arrangementwise, I think this is too close to source, but I don't remember the source and am too lazy to look it up right now. If I'm right, it needs much more soundscaping, rhythms, and harmonies. You're off to a great start, but you've still got ways to go before it's submittable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bozlifyme Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 yea Rox knows more than me so listen to him before you listen to me. I tend to find something good about a song and that (in my mind) makes it a good song. I don't know technical stuff half as well as i should like and know half of you more than you deserve. lol LOTR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 Night in Pipe Maze WIP v3 Click here to listen! (I will probably release a v4 so you may not want to wast your time listening to this) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therapsid Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 The concept is nice. You may come up with something good. Just put some decision more in the performance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Version 4 is here. Night in Pipe Maze WIP v4 Click here to listen! What did you think? Is it good enough for a submission? Should I rename it to "Jazzy Pipe Maze" or something else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 It sounds sequenced and stiff, especially the flute. Use pitch bend for fast note motion, or find yourself a sample with better attack. Also, you might want to add some envelope-modulation-controlled effects, if you can do that with your DAW. Just to make the long notes seem less looped. I'm not talking about flanger, phaser and chorus, I mean modulating the cutoff, pitch, volume, and other attributes _slightly_. I think I have done some of the things you mentioned. Did I do it enough? I'd recommend leaving out most of the mario sound effects, they make it sound cheesy. There's a few that work, but most pipes and bounce effects sound dumb, frankly. They are all removed in version 4. (except one) Overall, it's pretty simplistic. Much of the time, I'm hearing to pad+flute or pad+flute+base, and drums. There's asome cool articulations you've done with pitch bend, but I'd like to hear something more elaborate. I have automated a cut off filter for the strings. I have added a new melody. And much more… There's a long break towards the end that doesn't work well, you need to fill that up with... something. Ideally, it'd be different enough from the repeated melodies and harmonies you've already used. Listen to source and see what else you can take from there. I have done something about this but I think I’ll do more next version. Then there's the mixing headaches... While I can't judge from laptop speakers the finer details, i sounds like there's not much done in terms of leveling and EQing. Do some slight changes to track volume and EQ, maybe master EQ as well. Everything sounds like it's in the mid-high range, not much going on in the mid-low range. There's a bass, but it doesn't have bass enough, methinks. But try stuff out, and undo it if it doesn't sound better. I lowered the bass one octave. But it's not bad. Arrangementwise, I think this is too close to source, but I don't remember the source and am too lazy to look it up right now. If I'm right, it needs much more soundscaping, rhythms, and harmonies. You're off to a great start, but you've still got ways to go before it's submittable. I think version 4 is better To all: Hope you don't get mad because I post so many versions:tomatoface: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therapsid Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 This version is nice but you should add more decision at 00:39 and 00:44 and then to the rest. Then it should be alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rozovian Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 While interesting throughout and enjoyable most of the time, it's a little too simple. It needs some more backing instruments and/or rhythms. The drums are really dry, and not always necessary (like in the intro). This is a big step up from your previous WiPs of it. 0:09-0:36 doesn't need the kick. I'd use some other instrument, chromatic percussion, dulcimer, something other than a drum. Having introduced another instrument that early, you could use it anywhere else further on, and it'd fit in better. There are sections further on that really need something more than melody, drums, and bgpad. The piano at 1:0X and forth is great, but it should be backed by that instrument you I mentioned above. It feels a bit too solitary now. Even with the pads, which work great but just aren't enough to back the piano there. 0:38 and forth has really weird drum sequencing. I think the source is 3/4 or something like that, which is screwing with your sequencing. Using simpler drum sequencing there wpould probably work better. The tom drumroll leading into 1:32-1:53 sounds awful. Tweak it. This section is otherwise great, but then: 1:54 - WHAT HAPPEN? It just died with no warning, and died for too long before the melody plays. That is, btw, be a great place to introduce some other take on the melody, some other rhythm, some other melody with the same instrument. As it starts moving back, it's all cool with me. The drumrolls leading into the 2:53 section work much better than the tom lead-in earlier. 3:11, a step up in pitch, but not necessarily done in a good way. It feels really empty, it should be the grande finale. Fading it out is, tho something of a cop-out, a great option in this case, as it gives the feeling of Mario sneaking away from the crazy desert dances and covertly into the underground. You do, however, cut it off a bit too soon, it ends before you're done fading. That's the lowdown. You've improved on loads of things, many that weren't pointed out to you. It's all good. Keep at it! I'm looking forward to your next WiP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Another version of this crazy song. (I don't think anyone will like this very much, but here it is) Night in Pipe Maze WIP v5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rozovian Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Try varying the melodies more, you don't have to follow the source melodies all the time. When it repeats, it can do something else. Especially towards the 3:00 section and the ones that follow. More variation. Not always, but often. You've given it a lot more of a far east feel, which is interesting. I like it. The percussion is cool, but it gets kind'a repetitive. I recommend making a longer loop, more room for variation. I like this. Nice pads, good source, melodic, varying, and I sense direction. There's still stuff to work out, and someone that knows these things better than me should show up and give you some feedback. By the way, if you're familiar with irc, come to #ocrwip and ask people to listen and comment on your wip. You'll get real-time feedback (if anyone's actually around) and can ask specific questions and stuff like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quia Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks for your help Rozovian. My (slow) computer is a bit overloaded when I run this song. I think I've put to much stuff in. This was the last wip of this song. At least I think I've learned some things:smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwinged Saron Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 in regard to the Pipe Maze mix: i don't know how you can make something that is so immensely repetitive and do a good job making it interesting with very little change from the original. BUT, you did. i like the choice of sound. and i'm liking how it's laid back but still alert. it's weird, you've combined things here that work well but are not usually tried. It's like that spinart thing. turn it on, squirt on the paint and see what happens. always good but never the same. very interesting. Castlevania mix, even though its been submitted: does anyone else think of the alien planet from half-life when they hear the groans and ambiance...creepy, i hated that level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLUamnEsiac Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 Have you given up on this remix? If so, that's a shame, I listened to every WIP version and liked how it was evolving. Thanks for your help Rozovian. My (slow) computer is a bit overloaded when I run this song. I think I've put to much stuff in. This was the last wip of this song. At least I think I've learned some things:smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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