Kirby's Adventure's Final Battle - Sleepless Nightmare

[Gizmo Era]

Third Draft(current)

http://www.box.net/shared/vt7fuy1ix9

After making some major changes and experimenting with things, I realized I lost one of my checkpoints on the song and lost a lot of work. I almost gave up with it, but luckily found a burst of energy to just get it done again. I changed some voices, fixed some balance issues and I'm pretty much done with this(I've mentally completed it for the time being regardless of it not being done, imo).

There's one glaring mistake in the end, the little chirpy-chippy sound screams above everything else and I didn't realize until it was too late. I'm also not pleased with the song structurally, but since it was more of a hands-on learning project, I'll just make something else better than rework this now.

Any suggestions for improvement are welcomed(including things to keep in mind for future songs).

Second Draft

http://www.box.net/shared/hqojyzoixq

Good god... I wrote out this huge wall of text and then lost it because NoScript hosed everything down lmao...

This is my first real attempt at a ReMix and this is also my first post on these forums despite having used OCRemix.org for years. The song is from Kirby's Adventure, the final fight against Nightmare.

The basic idea is that Nightmare attempted to turn all dreams into nightmares. So this song is what happens if he actually pulled his plan off. You dread falling asleep because you know you'll have the same nightmare that you've been having for days, and finally when you start to fall asleep and are lulled into a seemingly peaceful dream or cake and bunnies BAM zombies attack or aliens destroy town. Finally when you think you might be waking up, Nightmare himself drops by briefly to make sure you know who controls the dreams.

So have a listen and let me know what you think. I know I have a few things I've been on the fence about:

1) The intro is long. While it definitely conveys that "I can't sleep, this sucks" idea, is it too long?

2) The percussive line. I couldn't think of anything other than weak muffled crap to use since traditional banging wouldn't make sense in a song about sleep. Any ideas?

3) The end. There's a lot going in the last few bars and then there isn't. I like it the way it is... but I feel like it could be better too...

Thanks in advance for any input =D

tl;dr I'm new, this song is about falling asleep and having nightmares, gimme feedback prz.

Edit: also, source song for reference:

[Tables]

FYI: I know nothing about music, if I'm not making sense don't listen to me

I like the intro a lot, it shows a lot of potential. The ticking IMO is pretty cool, and the way the Nightmare theme fades in and out is a neat effect. It really gets you pumped up for whats coming. I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed with the 'big bang' after all that cool buildup. It comes way too abruptly, which may be the point, but still... I think what it is is that you introduced another intro, which also takes its time to get going, and it feels wrongly paced to have a long intro after a long intro.

The way it starts out is nice, but it stays on the same loud chords (or whatever they are) for almost the whole rest of the song, without much variation. Or maybe if you just got the other instrument...synth... things in the foreground more. And think it would help if the percussion came a lot sooner. Not as soon as the initial buildup is over, but not as late as, I can't tell, the last 30 seconds of the song? Oh and I would change the current percussion, I'm not a big fan of the overly fake sounding claps. Might just be me though. Maybe you could do some 'banging', since it is now in the unconscious Nightmare part of the song. Or maybe just louder, or better clap/snaps. You seem to have a trance thing going on at the end, so the latter might not be too out of place

I really like what you did towards the end with the choir type thing or whatever you had going on, really gave the end of the song a nice epic feel, along with the confusion and chaos of those final few moments. Actually, the way the background had all sorts of random sounds and noises and ticks kept it interesting. And the alarm clock made me lol at the end.

tl;dr: i know nothing of music, its 1 am, cool intro, nice outro, keep it up

1. its fine

2. i'd get it going sooner, and louder first of all

3. somethings a bit abrupt about it but the general idea is great

This could be a very very cool song, and I hope someone who knows a thing or two about music comes along and gives you the advice and/or motivation to bring this to its fullest potential

[Spakku]

I thought the "bang" was pretty awesome, myself. My biggest complaint is that you left the same chiptune BGM that sounds copied directly from the game. It's cool when the intro uses specks of it amongst the other instruments but once you get into the meat of the song you should replace the chip sound entirely. You just need something stronger than cute little beeps.

Also, some percussion would be nice.

[Icebird]

Neat idea! I liked what you did from thinking through the process of falling asleep, dreaming, waking to the alarm clock at the end. Some suggestions:

1. The panning you did in the middle was a little extreme--it sounded like the instruments were losing volume when they reached the furthest separation. Try reducing the maximum separation or slightly increasing the volume during max separation to compensate.

2. I didn't get tired of the intro, but after the hard, nightmare-ish instrument began at 40% (sorry no timer available) that went on a little too long without much variation.

3. I thought the percussion was OK, but I don't think full-on drums would be out of place once you get going.

4. BASS. You need a bass line.

Looking forward to seeing the final product!

[Gizmo Era]

Thanks for the quick input guys. Here's what I've done/will do based on what you guys have said and what I've had others tell me:

Major:

1) Before that crash at 1:14(next time I'll use a host that displays a timer) I'm going to slide down the tempo on the tinkling, dreamy line. That should give it more of a 'this into that' feel rather than 'this-that,' as well as give it the feel of a 'fleeting dream.'

2) Voice adjustments/reworking. I like the way the song is laid out currently, but it does stagnate in certain parts. I have a couple ideas that should vary up the song so it should keep things moving. I'll admit I'm biased when it comes to balancing voices. I played tuba for 8 years, so I prefer having anything but the actual melody take lead in a song... which can sometimes break a song lol

3) Percussion. I'm still not sure what direction to take, but I'm gonna play around with stuff, try some ideas out and see if anything surfaces.

Minor:

1) Panning in the intro.

2) Voicing in intro.

[Gizmo Era]

Finally finished a bunch of what I wanted between the cracks of free time I had. I took care of everything I mentioned in the previous post in some form or fashion and a few other things:

1) I realized that the original song was not right. Someone said "more bass" and I thought "WTF... there's plenty." I had been playing the song back through EQs that weren't flat, giving it the volume/depth I desired. Once I realized that I went in and mangled with the mixer and pretty much emulated what I had been listening through. NOW the song should sound much more like what I've been listening to. This was easily the biggest change I made, despite only taking a minute or two to make the adjustment.

2) I changed the percussion a bit, took out the fake claps and added a real clap sample. Gave the 'snare' line a lot of tweaking. I also added a beat to help pump some blood through the song.

3) I need to tweak balancing, I know certain parts cancel each other out and sometimes certain lines are a little too far forward.

I put the link to the current version in the original post, also found here: http://www.box.net/shared/hqojyzoixq

I was going to use a different file host.. but I was hellbent on finishing my adjustments and getting the new version up, especially since the other version was WAYYYYYY off. So the next update will have a new host(and hopefully a timer).

Be mean, nit-pick, and split hairs. I can't get better without criticism =D Thanks in advance!

[Gizmo Era]

Updated and posted. Enjoy.

[PROTO·DOME]

Hrmmm... I love the intro by the way. Too long winded IMO but and perhaps the little chippy bits should fade in and out a little smoother, but I was really digging the atmosphere. I actually quite like the synths, why do they remind me of a Genesis track? I dunno, there's this real retro quality to it all.

It goes on a bit without doing much and loops, you definitely need more variation. It is- admittedly cool though, the soundscape has this gritty quality; though, again, I think it could all 'mesh' a little smoother. It sounds over-compressed too. Perhaps drop the volume a little? Anyway good, looking forward to the next version!

EDIT- More panning on the synths? That would be pretty cool.