AkumajoBelmont Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 http://www.box.net/shared/trgt9c64zf Ok, so I'm getting a band together. 80's inspired, synth pop/rock stuff, with catchy hooks, and a sense of fun missing in most modern pop music. So I'm writing a couple of proof-of-concept tracks for us to work on. This is the first: 'Lonely Girl'. Now bear in mind, this WIP doesn't include any of the band members yet (of which I've already got a bass/rhythm guitarist, 2 backing vocalists, a drummer and myself on lead vocals and programming duties). This is purely, as I mentioned earlier, just proof of concept. This is of the first chorus featured in the song. Pretty much everything is placeholder at the moment, so a lot of it sounds a little average (percussion etc...) but I think I'm onto something. Full lyrics to the song here (for a little context of the lyrics you'll hear). I used to know this girl. Her name was Laura-May. She’d spend her days on the phone just talking her time away. But all her friends grew tired real fast Of hearing her life stories ‘bout her wicked past. (They said) to know the girl was to tolerate her. (They said) the more she talked, the easier it was to hate her. Lonely, lonely girl; Nobody loves you anymore. Poor outspoken girl; The minute you try, they take off out the door. I wonder if you’d tried just to go with the flow and keep some things inside, (would you be the) lonely, lonely girl I used to know? She never really could decide who she wanted to be. Everything to everyone meant she could be nothing to me. You’d ask her one day; she’d swear she was gay, then spend the next ten minutes in the corner with Ray. (They’d say) she’d put it on and take it off at leisure. (They’d say) I wonder if she’s doing it for pleasure? Lonely, lonely girl; Nobody wants you anymore. Poor outspoken girl; The minute you cry, they kick you to the floor. I wonder if you knew that you were doing everything you really shouldn’t do, (would you be the) lonely, lonely girl I used to know? So one day this girl decided she was gonna change her ways. Nothing’s worked up until now; And she was gonna show them how... (She’d not be the) Lonely one. Ooh the lonely one. Oh yeah. (You’re not the) lonely, lonely girl who sits waiting for the phone to ring. (You’re not the) broken-hearted girl who’d been doing it hard, no kids; no house - no ring. You’ve stepped into the world to find that everything shines like its diamonds and pearls. (Now you’re not the) lonely, lonely girl I used to know. lemme know what you think!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelsDen Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I just read AkumajoBelmont and knew, that behind this thread must be something gorgeous. Your Music is just my style and your Bust a Grove Remix is still in my Playlist. Sounds like there is still some space to raise the atmosphere even more by listening only to the chorus. I'm pretty excited to listen to the finished Song. For critism: on the part "just to go with the flow and keep some things inside" the intonation on "things inside" sound just a little bit like it doesnt fit. Maybe a little softer intonation on "things" would be good. Your arrangement is solid and i think critism could only move within the filigree range to get a minimal fine-tuning Keep it up <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AkumajoBelmont Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I just read AkumajoBelmont and knew, that behind this thread must be something gorgeous. Your Music is just my style and your Bust a Grove Remix is still in my Playlist. Sounds like there is still some space to raise the atmosphere even more by listening only to the chorus. I'm pretty excited to listen to the finished Song.For critism: on the part "just to go with the flow and keep some things inside" the intonation on "things inside" sound just a little bit like it doesnt fit. Maybe a little softer intonation on "things" would be good. Your arrangement is solid and i think critism could only move within the filigree range to get a minimal fine-tuning Keep it up <3 Thanks! I'm currently working on a re-write for that section of lyric... It sticks out to me too, and I am not happy with it. Awesome to see that was picked up I'll get the rest of the track down, and get the guys to do their bits and hopefully have a decent demo up soon! Thanks again for the comments Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dissidia Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Akumajo I'm a fan of your songs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mak Eightman Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Wow! Thats interesting. Even for me. I want to hear it with bass/guitars, drums and back vocals(female?). Not my style, but it's gonna be cool!! And I don't mind, if you tell me what do you use for record vocals. THX) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mordi Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Pretty cool. I feel like it's lacking something in the lower end of the spectrum, though. Maybe just more bass or lower cutoff. My 2 cents (listening with subwoofer and speakers). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AkumajoBelmont Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Wow! Thats interesting. Even for me. I want to hear it with bass/guitars, drums and back vocals(female?). Not my style, but it's gonna be cool!! And I don't mind, if you tell me what do you use for record vocals. THX) Yeah, I've got a female backing vocalist. My bass player sings also, and my brother is on drums, and he can hold a note quite well. So we've got 4 part harmonies already At the moment, I'm recording my vocals with a condenser mic in Soundforge, editing them in Acid Pro, and de-essing and such in Cubase. Need to learn Cubase and get out of working with Reason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mak Eightman Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 What?! Sound Forge?! It was my first!! I want to hear it! Especially backing vocalist:) Edit: Thanks for the answer btw! I want to start sing:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AkumajoBelmont Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Small update. http://www.box.net/shared/trgt9c64zf Got rid of most of the percussion for now, so the rest of the track is more exposed. Changed my bass samples, so the bottom end is a lot bigger. Again, this is a rough sketch still, but I'm hoping to get the guys together soon and record the rest of the track. Enjoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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