Dafydd

OCR Mascot Bios - 20 more up for grabs!

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In Smash 4 (where I got the image from), this teamup is called "Duck Hunt," so that's their name. In Europe, they're called Duck Hunt Duo. The team consists of a duck and a hound.

Huh. Seems like they should've been called Duck Hunt Duo everywhere, but whatever. Thanks for clarifying.

would "land hard enough after jumping" imply bodily injury on Ludwig's part?

Not if he uses his weight against Mario. It's an asset, not a liability.

"Ludwig's abilities may differ between games, and are sometimes demonstrated by other Koopalings, but..."

This I can work with, danke (+added the word "may").

Well, I did some research on the :nicework: guy and it looks like it was mostly used sarcastically back in the days of unmod. I hope I haven't hurt too many people's feelings by using it sincerely... ;-)

Ha, don't worry about it. I always view the Nice Work emoticon as genuine (if low-key) praise. :-)

OK, spajjder, thanks for sticking around!

QFE. Thanks especially for patiently following along with my and Dafydd's back-and-forth as we try to agree on workable edits. Your bio looks close to finished.

Saying "The plot revolves around" breaks the fourth wall unnecessarily, and the paragraph lacks flow and doesn't fit well with the surrounding ones.

How about something like:

"The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch, becomes jealous of Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks. As part of a plan to switch their looks, the witch kidnaps the cub, prompting Banjo and Kazooie to set out to rescue her."

No 4th wall breakage, no plan details to draw attention away from B&K's main mission, "plan" is mentioned once instead of twice, only 2 sentences...

mid-air attacks, jumping higher and farther, and even firing eggs from her beak or out of her rear.

I want the mid-air attacks after the jumping higher and farther, but then we run a risk of the egg firing being interpreted as a mid-air attack. Hmm...

Your first suggestion is fine, but I disagree on the second. The way I read it, firing eggs is just another ability, not related to attacking in midair. (Also, midair doesn't need a hyphen.)

The protagonists traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves

This paragraph would feel better in the future tense, I think.

Care to explain why? It's not like other bios needed to move into the future tense after the plot has been set up in the past (or present) tense. I think this paragraph is fine.

Will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "makeover" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Again, you have "be able to" twice in close proximity. How about "Will Banjo and Kazooie save Tooty in time"?

To add to this, I think it's better to omit both instances of "be able to" for word economy.

you have "Tooty" twice in the same sentence, which I'd like to avoid if possible.

The second Tooty can instead be "the girl/child/damsel/little one/whatever"

Also Dafydd, spajjder is the real author of those last three quotes in your post, not me. :lol:

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According to your wishes

Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the game series named after them. Banjo is a gentle, cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and play. In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. Despite her abrasive nature, she sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack. (Source - game and instruction booklet, page 6)

The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch, becomes jealous of Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks. As part of a plan to switch their looks, the witch kidnaps the cub, prompting Banjo and Kazooie to set out to rescue her. (Instruction booklet pp. 4-5, Banjo Kazooie English Wikipedia - Plot)

Although Banjo can perform some moves of his own, like punching and performing a rolling attack, it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the duo's advanced moves become possible. These include jumping higher and farther, mid air attacks, and even firing eggs from her beak or out of her rear. (Source, Instruction booklet pp 10-13, game) Humorously, the bird is often the one carrying the bear, whether by hauling him on her back, which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang glide under her wings as she flies him around (Game experience, instruction booklet pp 12, 14-15)

Dafydd's preferred paragraph: The protagonists will traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister. Along the way, they will meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who is able to turn them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who can teach them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who will give them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Instruction booklet, pp. 7, 23-24, 26-30)

Polo's preferred paragraph: The protagonists traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister. Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Instruction booklet, pp. 7, 23-24, 26-30)

The clock is ticking. Will Banjo and Kazooie save Tooty in time, or will Gruntilda finish her "makeover" and doom the cub to hideousness?

Banjo and Kazooie have starred and appeared in the following games:

Diddy Kong Racing (Only Banjo is seen)

Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo-Tooie

Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge

Banjo-Pilot

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts

Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing with Banjo-Kazooie

For more information, please refer to the following sources:

Banjo Kazooie - the N64 game

(Banjo Kazooie instruction booklet) - http://gamesdbase.com/Media/SYSTEM/N...-_Nintendo.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo-Kazooie

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Banjo

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Kazooie

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Red Crested Bregull

Don't know how I missed this, but it should be "Red-Crested Breegull" (+hyphen, +extra E).

Also, midair is one word, not two.

Aside from these two nitpicks, I personally think this bio is done. We'll just have to wait for Dafydd's opinion, particularly on the 4th paragraph.

Here's Ludwig's bio again, if it needs any more fixes:

Bowser has always populated his army with eccentric and memorable baddies to stand in Mario's way. More than once, he's enlisted the help of the Koopalings, seven "miniature Bowser"-like siblings who love to wreak havoc in the Mushroom World by kidnapping Princess Peach, conquering lands, and generally taking what isn't theirs. The oldest of these is Ludwig von Koopa, who shares his name and hairstyle with that of a well-known composer.

Ludwig is one of the most cunning and dangerous Koopalings. In Super Mario Bros. 3, he and his siblings assault Mario with blasts from magic wands they stole from the Mushroom Kings. Thanks to his massive girth, Ludwig can, like his brother Roy, hit the ground hard enough after jumping to create an earthquake that briefly paralyzes the plumber if he's not airborne. Super Mario World goes a step further and gives the Beethoven-haired Koopaling his own unique attack pattern: he hurls fireballs from his mouth, then tucks into his shell and spins along the ground to knock Mario off his feet. The New Super Mario Bros. titles reveal a battle style similar to that of his first appearance: he shoots fireballs from his magic wand and tries to stomp on his adversary's head.

Ludwig's abilities may differ between games, and are sometimes demonstrated by other Koopalings, but no matter when or how he's fought, he's sure to compose as much trouble as he can for the hapless plumber.

Hey everyone, I'd like to give this a second shot after my Vyse article and claim Shulk's if that's cool.

Sure. Lookin' forward to what you come up with.

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Aside from these two nitpicks, I personally think this bio is done. We'll just have to wait for Dafydd's opinion, particularly on the 4th paragraph.

I disagree, and I'll get back to why very soon. Sorry for the wait, spajjder...

Here's Ludwig's bio again, if it needs any more fixes

Looks good! Only one question: We discussed the phrase "who shares his name and hairstyle with that of a well-known composer" where I took issue with "that", and you convinced me it was unfounded. I wonder, though, why you don't just say "who shares his name and hairstyle with a well-known composer". The way it's worded now, aren't you actually saying "who shares his name and hairstyle with the name and hairstyle of a well-known composer"?

This worked well last time, so, you wrote:

"A shares his B with the B of C"

but what you want to say is

"A shares his B with C."

I share my name with a biblical character, not with the name of a biblical character, for instance. Nameception... 8) This, which I consider to be an error, may be common usage of English, but that doesn't mean you can't use the shorter form (by dropping "that of"). I think the only way you can use "with that of" is if you do something like "A's D shares its B with the D of C", e.g. "Ludwig's dog shares its name and hairstyle with that of a famous composer", in which "that" or "those" indicate the composer's number of dogs and not the number of properties shared.

Hey everyone, I'd like to give this a second shot after my Vyse article and claim Shulk's if that's cool.

Sure thing, I've marked it down as claimed.

Edited by Dafydd

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I think the only way you can use "with that of" is if you do something like "A's D shares his B with the D of C", e.g. "Ludwig's dog shares his name and hairstyle with that of a famous composer", in which "that" or "those" indicate the composer's number of dogs and not the number of properties shared.

Actually, don't "that" or those" relate back to the very previous object(s), i.e. the properties? It sounds like you wanted to say, in elaborated form, "Ludwig's dog shares Ludwig's name and hairstyle with the dog of another famous composer." "Ludwig's dog shares [its] name and hairstyle with that of a famous composer" sounds almost like a plurality error, vs. "Ludwig's dog shares [its] name and hairstyle with [those] of a famous composer", which sounds fairly different.

Overall, It sounds like you might have said (in elaborated form):

"The dog belonging to Ludwig shares the dog's name and the dog's hairstyle with those properties of a famous composer." (if using its and those)

or this:

"The dog belonging to Ludwig shares the dog's name and the dog's hairstyle with the dog(s) of a famous composer." (if using its and that/those)

or this:

"The dog belonging to Ludwig shares Ludwig's name and Ludwig's hairstyle with those properties of another famous composer." (if using his and those)

or this:

"The dog belonging to Ludwig shares Ludwig's name and Ludwig's hairstyle with the dog of a famous composer." (if using his and that)

Just some weird pronoun specificities (of course, assuming "his" refers to a male human and not a male dog).

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I've updated my previous post, exchanging "his" for "its", to clarify, but I haven't changed my mind.

If you say "My name is that of a king" you're saying "My name is the name of a king."

But if you say "I share my name with that of a king", you're saying "I share my name with the name of a king" (whatever that means, do names have names?), not "I share my name with a king."

I believe that saying "I share my name with that of a king" is the result of conflating "My name is that of a king" and "I share my name with a king".

Edited by Dafydd

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This looks like one of those English-based structures I've apparently taken for granted. I see where it can get confusing, and yes, it would be easier to drop "that of" and say "who shares his name and hairstyle with a well-known composer" because the comparison is clear. I will use that.

Any other concerns, or is the Koopaling ready for the OCRWiki?

Edited by Polo

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Got it. I'm undibbing Saren, because I'm having trouble writing anything that isn't a big spoiler. Tricky guy, even in written form, heh. I also PM'ed BorgMan about the Dark Samus bio since it's been over two weeks since the last version.

In other news, I'm going on an adventure, and I'll be back in 2 weeks. During this time, I'm supposed to have wifi most of the time, so chances are you won't even notice any difference, but in case you do, now you know why.

EDIT: no Internet until Tuesday 2/17.

Edited by Dafydd

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About that Banjo & Kazooie paragraph we disagree on - do you prefer the future tense because it goes along with the last paragraph? I think by keeping it in the present, we don't run the risk of a tense conflict because B&K's actions don't have a definite end to them - we know they're doing something, but we don't know if that's the last of it/they'll succeed/they'll fail.

And if we go with the future tense, there are a few parts that will have to adjust to it, i.e.:

"the voodoo priest who will turn them into various animals"

"the mole who will teach them new fancy moves"

Seems a bit much, IMO. But I still want to hear your thoughts, 'cause I wouldn't want to keep spajjder waiting.

Knuckles the Echidna

"I am one with the Master Emerald."

ocr_mascot_115.png

== Bio ==

On Angel Island rests the Master Emerald, a gem capable of neutralizing the power of the Chaos Emeralds. Its sole guardian is Knuckles the Echidna, the last member of a race whose sworn duty has been to keep the emerald safe from thieves and destruction.

Having adhered to his duty his whole life, Knuckles prefers solitude over company. His focused nature occasionally makes him appear stubborn and arrogant around others, and rarely will he swallow his pride to admit when he's wrong. Serious to a fault, Knuckles often takes others' words at face value, particularly when the Master Emerald is involved. He originally believed Dr. Robotnik's lie that Sonic was the one trying to steal it from him, resulting in a clash between the echidna and hedgehog. Once the truth came to light, the two teamed up to take down the scheming doctor, and since then, Knuckles has been a steadfast (if relatively aloof) ally in Sonic's adventures.

Two spikes adorn both of Knuckles's gloves, adding a visible emphasis to his name. He punches his way through countless obstructions, from walls to boulders to baddies, when clearing a path of his choosing. Similar to a real echidna, Knuckles likes to burrow under surfaces to root out treasures. One of his more versatile moves is the ability to glide through the air for long distances, from which he can latch onto walls to climb. These tactics and more serve him well in exploration — there have been times when the Master Emerald shattered into fragments, and its ever-vigilant guardian tracked down every piece and reassembled them into a once-again functioning whole. One can expect no less from one who embodies an entire race's hopes and strengths.

== References ==

Sonic News Network - "Knuckles the Echidna"

Wikipedia - "Knuckles the Echidna"

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 instruction manual

Sonic & Knuckles instruction manual

Sonic Adventure 2 instruction manual

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About that Banjo & Kazooie paragraph we disagree on - do you prefer the future tense because it goes along with the last paragraph? I think by keeping it in the present, we don't run the risk of a tense conflict because B&K's actions don't have a definite end to them - we know they're doing something, but we don't know if that's the last of it/they'll succeed/they'll fail.

I'm sorry, but I'll have to get back to you about this during or after the weekend. I'm back in wifi land now, though!

I wouldn't want to keep spajjder waiting.

Me either. I think he may have the record for waiting the longest now. Historically it's been a few days at most. I do not like this development, but it's entirely my fault.

Nice work on Knuckles, btw. My only concern, I think, is the word "versatile", which has no definition I know of that seems to fit. Perhaps you can elaborate and motivate its use in this case?

Edited by Dafydd

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"Versatile" can mean "having many uses" or "handy." I wanted to emphasize how it helps Knuckles move around a lot, like running and digging (he can change directions when gliding). Also, because he has his spiked gloves out in front of him when catching air, he can fly into and destroy the same obstacles he can when he manually punches at ground level.

Of course, I didn't mention those things in the bio, and I'm not sure if I should work them in just to justify using "versatile." I can probably introduce the gliding bit with "One of his handier moves" or "A particularly handy move" or "One unique move" or something. Whatcha think?

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I'm ashamed to admit to not getting it at first (the word sounds kind of funny in just about any situation), but "handy" gets my thumbs up. I vote for "One of his handier moves".

One can expect no less from one who embodies an entire race's hopes and strengths
has the word "one" twice in close proximity. I think this sentence would sound better with the latter one exchanged for "someone", but maybe it would subtly change the message in ways with which you would disagree?

About Banjo-Kazooie, I think the emotional attachment I have to the game is making it hard to let the bio slide with anything less than something that feels good inside, and I think what the bio is currently missing is some colorful detail. It feels dead, somehow. A few additions would spice things up a little bit, in my opinion:

The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch who only speaks in rhymes, becomes jealous of
, although I'm still in favor of "Their adventure begins" over "The story begins". Seriously, the rhymes are too important to the feel of the game not to mention: http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Gruntilda_Winkybunion/quotes

Also,

As the protagonists make their way through Gruntilda's castle, occasionally accompanied by her rhyming taunts (or is it taunting rhymes?), they traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister.
Furthermore, I'd like to avoid the use of "perform" twice in such close proximity by something along the lines of
Although Banjo can hold his own in a fight, dealing out punches or rolling attacks on his opponents,
However, I'll defer to your judgement on the tense in the next-to-final paragraph, Polo.

Work and some kind of now-fading illness have left me exhausted lately. I don't recall ever having been as absent from this thread as I have been lately, but I really hope this will change very soon.

Still no word form Borgman, so maybe we should try to iron out the last wrinkles ourselves? Also, nothing from Arrow (Shulk).

Edited by Dafydd

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Sorry guys, I've started a tentative one for Shulk, but I've been so busy with work and OCR convention appearances I haven't had time to flesh it out into a full submission yet.

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It seems everyone's suffering from illness and overwork these days. Not blaming you guys - it's just a weird coincidence.

One can expect no less from one who embodies an entire race's hopes and strengths

has the word "one" twice in close proximity. I think this sentence would sound better with the latter one exchanged for "someone", but maybe it would subtly change the message in ways with which you would disagree?

"Someone" doesn't drastically change the meaning in this context, as far as I'm aware. I can use that.

The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch who only speaks in rhymes, becomes jealous of

Talk ONLY in rhymes she does not -

(Translation: I'm okay with the addition "who speaks in rhymes" but minus "only")

I'm still in favor of "Their adventure begins" over "The story begins".

Starting the paragraph that way is misleading because it doesn't jump right into B&K's actions to save Tooty - the buildup/backstory is what sets the story in motion. (Speaking of, do you feel it more active to start with "The story is set in motion when..."? Or maybe we can end the paragraph with "sending Banjo and Kazooie on a grand adventure to rescue her.")

As the protagonists make their way through Gruntilda's castle, occasionally accompanied by her rhyming taunts (or is it taunting rhymes?), they traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister.

1) Her lair, you mean (is that too vague? would fortress or tower work? also, Grunty's Castle appears in Grunty's Revenge).

2) Rhyming taunts, because the taunts are colored by/delivered via rhymes.

Furthermore, I'd like to avoid the use of "perform" twice in such close proximity by something along the lines of
Although Banjo can hold his own in a fight, dealing out punches or rolling attacks on his opponents,

Good catch with "perform," but starting with "in a fight" sets up the implication that B&K's other moves involve fighting. My suggestion: "Alone, Banjo can throw punches and unleash rolling attacks against opponents, but it is with the help of Kazooie..."

I'll defer to your judgement on the tense in the next-to-final paragraph, Polo.

All right. At least it got us thinking about it.

Still no word form Borgman, so maybe we should try to iron out the last wrinkles ourselves?

He hasn't been online since January 28, so if that's enough of a wait, we can dive right in. Here's a fixed version with the edits we agreed upon:

Protector of good, heroine to the light, beacon of hope... Dark Samus is none of those. The complete opposite of famed bounty hunter Samus Aran, she has only one basic instinct that drives her every move: find, absorb, and spread the mutagenic material known as Phazon. Anything that tries to get between her and this instinct is bound to experience the full range of her wrath.

When an alien entity snatched away Samus's Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA in the original Metroid Prime, it used these as a template to create the being now known as Dark Samus. Because of this, she has a Power Suit-like appearance, including a blaster on her right arm. As she was almost literally born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use, and control this substance to her own advantage, and is at one point even able to subjugate those infected with Phazon. She is also able to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud which can reassemble at will, making her difficult to kill.

When the Space Pirates first encounter her on the planet Aether in Metroid Prime 2, their logs describe her as "The Dark Hunter"; however, the dark, organic suit and menacing behavior didn't match their earlier encounters. After witnessing a skirmish between the two Samuses and realising they were not only two separate beings but enemies as well, the pirates hoped to use this powerful creature to get rid of their sworn nemesis. This proved idle hope: Dark Samus makes no allies and takes orders from no one. While she does harbor a sense of hatred toward the bounty hunter, she will try to dispatch Samus when it suits her.

Edited by Polo

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As she was almost literally born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use, and control this substance to her own advantage, and is at one point even able to subjugate those infected with Phazon.
This part feels a little weird.

Does it mean that only at certain times is that action possible, or does it mean that at one point in time Dark Samus did that? Should "is" have been "was" to keep the tense of the sentence consistent?

Also,

She is also able to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud which can reassemble at will, making her difficult to kill.
This can be made more concise and on-point, to parallel "she can absorb, use, and...":

She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud which can reassemble at will, making her difficult to kill.

or

She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud capable of reassembling at will, making her difficult to kill.

Edited by timaeus222

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Does it mean that only at certain times is that action possible, or does it mean that at one point in time Dark Samus did that?

Story-wise, subjugating whatever's infected with Phazon happens in Metroid Prime 3, but we don't want to spoil everything in a character's history. Maybe this detail should be left out for simplicity.

This can be made more concise and on-point, to parallel "she can absorb, use, and...":
She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud capable of reassembling at will, making her difficult to kill.

I like this. I didn't notice right away that "is... able to" appears twice close together, and we should keep the iterations of "can" low, so "capable of reassembling" (or "and reassemble") feels more natural. And looking at that sentence again, perhaps that post-comma bit should read "which makes her difficult to kill."

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Talk ONLY in rhymes she does not -

(Translation: I'm okay with the addition "who speaks in rhymes" but minus "only")

Darn. "who speaks in rhymes" doesn't have the same rhythm to it, but it'll have to do. Unless you're OK with "mostly" as a replacement, but otoh that sounds kind of lame. Thanks for proving me wrong :)
Starting the paragraph that way is misleading because it doesn't jump right into B&K's actions to save Tooty - the buildup/backstory is what sets the story in motion.
You're right. Hmmmm.
1) Her lair, you mean (is that too vague? would fortress or tower work? also, Grunty's Castle appears in Grunty's Revenge).

2) Rhyming taunts, because the taunts are colored by/delivered via rhymes.

Yeah, lair it is. Sorry, heh.

Good catch with "perform," but starting with "in a fight" sets up the implication that B&K's other moves involve fighting. My suggestion: "Alone, Banjo can throw punches and unleash rolling attacks against opponents, but it is with the help of Kazooie..."

True. Your suggested version seems to imply that Banjo is ever alone, but I could be wrong about that, and maybe it doesn't matter anyway. Let's go with your version.

All right. At least it got us thinking about it.

To clarify, because you sound disappointed, I think we should do it your way.

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Story-wise, subjugating whatever's infected with Phazon happens in Metroid Prime 3, but we don't want to spoil everything in a character's history. Maybe this detail should be left out for simplicity.

I'd like to leave it out, yeah.

I like this. I didn't notice right away that "is... able to" appears twice close together, and we should keep the iterations of "can" low, so "capable of reassembling" (or "and reassemble") feels more natural. And looking at that sentence again, perhaps that post-comma bit should read "which makes her difficult to kill."

So, like this?

She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud and reassemble at will, which makes her difficult to kill.

Sounds a little bit like the dissolving is involuntary, though.

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"who speaks in rhymes" doesn't have the same rhythm to it, but it'll have to do. Unless you're OK with "mostly" as a replacement, but otoh that sounds kind of lame.

How about "who often speaks in rhymes"? usually? tends to? likes to?

Your suggested version seems to imply that Banjo is ever alone, but I could be wrong about that, and maybe it doesn't matter anyway. Let's go with your version.

The bio already establishes B&K are a pair, so describing Banjo's attacks "alone" is less "he's on his own on this adventure" and more "without Kazooie's ever-ready assistance," IMO.

All right. At least it got us thinking about it.

To clarify, because you sound disappointed, I think we should do it your way.

Actually, that was my way of saying "cool, we've decided on a way so we can move on." ;-)

She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud and reassemble at will, which makes her difficult to kill.

Sounds a little bit like the dissolving is involuntary, though.

Look at it this way: "She can [verb] at will," where [verb] encompasses BOTH dissolving into a cloud AND reassembling. If that still doesn't feel right, we can drop "and reassemble at will" to maintain focus on her shapeshifting ability.

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How about "who often speaks in rhymes"? usually? tends to? likes to?

No, those are also lame. Sorry :lol:. I'm OK with just "who speaks in rhymes", I think I'm just disappointed by this discovery. I mean, I didn't enjoy Banjo-Tooie very much, but this... sequels... *sighs, mutters, shakes head*

The bio already establishes B&K are a pair, so describing Banjo's attacks "alone" is less "he's on his own on this adventure" and more "without Kazooie's ever-ready assistance," IMO.

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man. And I agree.

Actually, that was my way of saying "cool, we've decided on a way so we can move on." ;-)

Right. I should know better after all this time.

Look at it this way: "She can [verb] at will," where [verb] encompasses BOTH dissolving into a cloud AND reassembling. If that still doesn't feel right, we can drop "and reassemble at will" to maintain focus on her shapeshifting ability.

The reassemble part feels redundant, yeah. It should be obvious enough that diffusing into a cloud isn't a one-time, no-going-back kind of ability. It would also rid us of a rhyme...

Edited by Dafydd

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Okay then, let's see how close we are to adding the finishing touches to these two bios.

Banjo and Kazooie:

Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red-Crested Breegull duo from the game series named after them. Banjo is a gentle, cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and play. In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. Despite her abrasive nature, she sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack.

The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch who speaks in rhymes, becomes jealous of Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks. As part of a plan to switch their looks, the witch kidnaps the cub, prompting Banjo and Kazooie to set out to rescue her.

Alone, Banjo can throw punches and unleash rolling attacks against opponents, but it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the duo's advanced moves become possible. These include jumping higher and farther, midair attacks, and even firing eggs from her beak or out of her rear. Humorously, the bird is often the one carrying the bear, whether by hauling him on her back, which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang glide under her wings as she flies him around.

As the protagonists make their way through Gruntilda's lair, occasionally accompanied by her rhyming taunts, they traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister. Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits.

The clock is ticking. Will Banjo and Kazooie save Tooty in time, or will Gruntilda finish her "makeover" and doom the cub to hideousness?

Dark Samus:

Protector of good, heroine to the light, beacon of hope... Dark Samus is none of those. The complete opposite of famed bounty hunter Samus Aran, she has only one basic instinct that drives her every move: find, absorb, and spread the mutagenic material known as Phazon. Anything that tries to get between her and this instinct is bound to experience the full range of her wrath.

When an alien entity snatched away Samus's Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA in the original Metroid Prime, it used these as a template to create the being now known as Dark Samus. Because of this, she has a Power Suit-like appearance, including a blaster on her right arm. She can also dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud, which makes her difficult to kill.

When the Space Pirates first encounter her on the planet Aether in Metroid Prime 2, their logs describe her as "The Dark Hunter"; however, the dark, organic suit and menacing behavior didn't match their earlier encounters. After witnessing a skirmish between the two Samuses and realising they were not only two separate beings but enemies as well, the pirates hoped to use this powerful creature to get rid of their sworn nemesis. This proved idle hope: Dark Samus makes no allies and takes orders from no one. While she does harbor a sense of hatred toward the bounty hunter, she will try to dispatch Samus when it suits her.

I'm satisfied with both. What say ye?

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Banjo is a gentle, cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and play.

Can we do 'who' instead of 'that'?

The story begins when Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch who speaks in rhymes, becomes jealous of Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks.

The second comma feels a little strange after adding "who speaks in rhymes", but if you say it's not a problem, then fine.

both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang glide under her wings as she flies him around.

Didn't notice it before, but two consecutive clauses end in 'around'. Maybe it's not a problem, but if you can think of anything, do tell.

one basic instinct that drives her every move: find, absorb, and spread

Should we capitalize the f in 'find', or not?

She can also dissolve

We didn't mention any other abilities, so this feels a little out of place. How about "She also has the ability to dissolve" for congruence with "Because of this, she has a Power Suit-like appearance"?

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