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I see what you're saying, but for a long sentence, it's pretty easy to read. There's no back-referencing or any complicated structures in the sentence, and each subclause stands pretty much on its own feet. Both solutions have the problem that neither Orochi nor Sakuya are ever mentioned or referred to again anywhere else in the bio, so they're just names. And, counting Nippon, that's actually 4, not 3 names. "The tree spirit" becomes fuzzy and impersonal without a name, but "Orochi" doesn't really need to be there. Well, except it could cause confusion as to whether Sakuya is both the tree spirit and the demon or the two are separate... Argh.

When a fearsome demon returns to shroud the land of Nippon in darkness once more, the tree spirit Sakuya, in desperation, summons the great Sun Goddess Ōkami Amaterasu to return light and peace to the world.

This is the best I can do, I think. I'd like to say "When a fearsome demon returns to shroud once more the land of Nippon in darkness", but I'm not sure that's even valid English these days. I'll leave it to you to decide whether to go with this or your above stated preference. Still one more option might be "All is peaceful in the country of Nippon until a fearsome demon, defeated many years ago, returns to shroud once more the land in darkness." (but eeeeh.)

I'll go over your and Arrow's comments on Vyse and post a new version shortly.

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PLEASE REPORT ANY INCORRECT INFORMATION AND/OR INACCURACIES HERE IN THIS THREAD. THANK YOU! --- FAQ --- Q: What is the OCR Mascot Bio Project all about? A: The OCR Mascot Bio Project has enable

A word that musical deserves to be a mix title here on OCR. "Unununium" is a proper noun since it's my name.

"Deepened" works for me. "Seemingly" does sound rather weak, yeah. Are you saying they didn't actually abandon him? If they never returned, I'd say that's what they did. I've read your sources and I s

When a fearsome demon returns to shroud the land of Nippon in darkness once more

That actually works pretty well. The cyclical "evil returns" backstory is implicit but not incomplete. We can go with that.

I'd like to say "When a fearsome demon returns to shroud once more the land of Nippon in darkness", but I'm not sure that's even valid English these days.

Grammatical, yes, but the clincher is "these days."

So once more:

When a fearsome demon returns to shroud the land of Nippon in darkness once more, the tree spirit Sakuya, in desperation, summons the great Sun Goddess Ōkami Amaterasu to return light and peace to the world. Appearing as a white wolf to ordinary people, Amaterasu's red markings appear only to those who have strong faith in the gods. She is accompanied by a wandering artist named Issun, an excitable little bug that acts as a source of exposition for the silent goddess (whom he calls "Ammy").

Amaterasu manipulates the world around her using a tool called the Celestial Brush. With the tip of her tail, she paints shapes and strokes that become real objects to help solve puzzles and advance. She also carries on her back one of several Divine Instruments, weapons that act as her primary means of attacking.

Throughout her adventures, Amaterasu meets other Celestial Brush gods like herself and learns unique abilities from them. As word of her benevolent deeds spreads, more people offer praise to her, which enhances her divine powers. Backed by faith, companions, and her own steadfast determination, Amaterasu sets out to save Nippon from evil.

Are we satisfied now?

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Grammatical, yes, but the clincher is "these days."

Aww. I was hoping it was a construct analogous to "She also carries on her back one of several Divine Instruments" which would probably be "She also carries one of several Divine Instruments on her back" (but don't change it now!). I've seen this quite a bit in writing, where the latter sentence causes ambiguity that the former does not, even if it does sound a little... old. It's a very practical way to avoid confusion, and something that can't really be done in my own language.

Are we satisfied now?

Yes! This here bitch is ready for the wiki.

This doesn't need changing, but I'm curious about this:

Appearing as a white wolf to ordinary people, Amaterasu's red markings appear
It's obvious that it's not her red markings that appear as a white wolf, but Amaterasu herself. But you couldn't say "Appearing as an ordinary person to ordinary people, David's cybernetic bellybutton boombox lead a peaceful existence hidden under a plain white t-shirt", or "Late for work that morning, David's bike wasn't going to take its owner to the office fast enough." Edited by Dafydd
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So

|

it has come to this.

Vyse:

Personally, I think the sentences covering Vyse's true wishes and meeting Fina and all should be kept in a separate paragraph, since going over their enemies immediately before almost implies "eh, Vyse and Aika kick their asses for breakfast, what else is there to do but go toward the horizon?"
I thought that was the intention, actually. But sure, we can make a smoother transition.

"Despite the daily excitement and danger of being a sky pirate, Vyse has always desired to fly "beyond the sunset" (why is this in quotes?) and encounter things people have only imagined. He and Aika (though this is not hard to imagine, the previous sentence only mentions Vyse) thus get their wishes granted when they meet Fina..."

How about: "...the two young pirates join their latest ally on the adventure of a lifetime."

Better. How about "the two young pirates join their new ally in her quest and set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.", because I liked the "set sail" part?

That gets us

In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids fall from them regularly. These "Moon Stones" power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity and a firm resolve. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich and then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help the needy. Vyse, serving alongside his father in his band of pirates, is formidable in combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Equally skilled at fighting is Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, with whom he often teams up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress is obsessed with controlling all that she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that doesn't hesitate to kill and steal from everyone they come across.

Despite the daily excitement and danger of being a sky pirate, Vyse has always desired to fly "beyond the sunset" and encounter things people have only imagined. He and Aika thus get their wishes granted when they meet Fina, a mysterious girl from an unknown land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep their new friend safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize this mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the two young pirates join their new ally in her quest and set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

I'm not completely happy with "He and Aika thus get their wishes granted when they meet Fina", but we'll work something out. Edited by Dafydd
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Man, all those little changes really do put some life into this. Now I see what you meant way back when.

Just wanted to point out that "beyond the sunset" was in quotes because that was a direct quote from Vyse in the game. You two can keep or ditch that as you please.

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Man, all those little changes really do put some life into this. Now I see what you meant way back when.

Just wanted to point out that "beyond the sunset" was in quotes because that was a direct quote from Vyse in the game. You two can keep or ditch that as you please.

Glad you like the changes! And thanks for clarifying.
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Ammy = Wiki'ed = hooray (If you're reading this, Nonamer, thanks for giving the white wolf a try.)

It's obvious that it's not her red markings that appear as a white wolf, but Amaterasu herself. But you couldn't say "Appearing as an ordinary person to ordinary people, David's cybernetic bellybutton boombox lead a peaceful existence hidden under a plain white t-shirt", or "Late for work that morning, David's bike wasn't going to take its owner to the office fast enough."

As with Amaterasu, those examples wouldn't work as standalone sentences; they'd need clear enough context first.

Vyse:

I say keep the quotes around "beyond the sunset." It's a cool nod to in-game dialogue and it personalizes that part of the bio.

I'm not completely happy with "He and Aika thus get their wishes granted when they meet Fina"

How about: "He thus gets his wishes granted when he and Aika meet Fina" - this way we don't lump Aika's (possibly different) desires into it while keeping the meeting factual. (If "thus gets his wishes granted" sounds odd, feel free to provide an alternative.)

Everything else looks awesome.

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Yeah Nonamer, you got us off to a good start!

As with Amaterasu, those examples wouldn't work as standalone sentences; they'd need clear enough context first.
Alright.
If "thus gets his wishes granted" sounds odd, feel free to provide an alternative.

Yeah, it does. I think it's the 'thus', it feels out of place (coming from the fairly poetic previous sentence), but I'm having trouble coming up with a word to replace it, and removing it altogether makes the whole sentence too independent from the one before it.

One alternative might be "When he and Aika meet Fina, a mysterious girl from an unknown land, then, he finds his wishes granted/his dreams come true.", but I'd rather not change the order of the clauses.

Another one is "In meeting Fina, a mysterious girl from an unknown land, Vyse finds his wishes granted."

I'm not fully satisfied by either of these, but hopefully it helps inspire someone to come up with something I like better. I think we can afford a few more days to get this right, seeing as it's the last thing we'll be doing in this project for a while ahead (and once we're done, I'd quite like to see if we can't do something about the Squenix mascots before we extend the roster any further, though it's not my call).

Edited by Dafydd
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I think it helps to keep the clause order because it would shift seamlessly from Vyse's wishes --> meeting Fina --> Fina's backstory (no back-and-forth needed). So maybe:

"As if by fate, he gets his wishes granted..."

or

"One day, he gets his wishes granted..."

and once we're done, I'd quite like to see if we can't do something about the Squenix mascots before we extend the roster any further, though it's not my call

Yeah, I feel the same way.

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"As if by fate, he gets his wishes granted..."

or

"One day, he gets his wishes granted..."

Yeah, I was thinking something like "As if someone was hearing his prayers", but without the prayers, so your first suggestion works pretty well, methinks.

What would there be to do about the Squenix mascots?

Well,

As a side note, for the existing mascot pages, one solution might be employing fan art. We wouldn't reinstate the fan art in the upper right hand corner, but it could liven up the pages themselves. We need to work on a basic boilerplate licensing agreement that we can use for fan art - I think we need to start exploring more synergy between the VG fan arrangement & VG fan art communities in general, and this is a good catalyst.

I don't know what became of this, but if fan art could be placed on the bio pages themselves, that would make a big difference from the void we have now. Maybe we could keep it in a certain style to avoid too much similarity with the official art, like, limit it to pencil sketches if need be. And if we can't use any pictures in the upper right corner that could indicate Squenix affiliation, maybe we could find something unrelated, but less misleading than Mega Man X to use as a placeholder. A fuzzy cloud or something.

EDIT: Or... a square. :<

Edited by Dafydd
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In the world of Arcadia, all of the continents are floating islands. Six colored moons orbit the planet, and lunar asteroids fall from them regularly. These "Moon Stones" power nearly everything people use on a daily basis, from machinery to magic. Using Moon Stone-powered ships, people sail through the skies to trade, fish, and make a living.

In this world lives Vyse, a teenager with a heart full of curiosity and a firm resolve. His family and closest friends are all members of the Blue Rogues, a faction of air pirates who steal from the rich and then use what they've stolen to protect the innocent and help the needy. Vyse, serving alongside his father in his band of pirates, is formidable in combat thanks to his skills with twin cutlasses. Equally skilled at fighting is Aika, a feisty redhead and his best friend from childhood, with whom he often teams up to take down large groups of opponents without fear. The primary targets of Vyse and his fellow Blue Rogues are the forces of the Valuan Empire, who come from the more advanced civilization under the Yellow Moon, and whose empress is obsessed with controlling all that she sees. The Blue Rogues also battle with the Black Pirates, a rival marauder faction that doesn't hesitate to kill and steal from everyone they come across.

Despite the daily excitement and danger of being a sky pirate, Vyse has always desired to fly "beyond the sunset" and encounter things people have only imagined. As if by fate, he gets his wishes granted when he and Aika meet Fina, a mysterious girl from an unknown land. Fina has a secret mission that puts her in direct conflict with the Valuan Empire and their ambition. In their attempts to keep their new friend safe from harm, Vyse and Aika realize this mission will take them on a trip around Arcadia, to lands no one has seen in millennia. Unable to resist the call of heroism and discovery, the two young pirates join their new ally in her quest and set sail for the adventure of a lifetime.

Does this look ready yet? Cuz I think so.

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Aye, matey... likevyse.

... Sorry about that. Well, it's uploaded and everything. That's the last of it for now. Thanks, Arrow!

And to everyone else who helped this time around.

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I don't know what became of this, but if fan art could be placed on the bio pages themselves, that would make a big difference from the void we have now. Maybe we could keep it in a certain style to avoid too much similarity with the official art, like, limit it to pencil sketches if need be. And if we can't use any pictures in the upper right corner that could indicate Squenix affiliation, maybe we could find something unrelated, but less misleading than Mega Man X to use as a placeholder. A fuzzy cloud or something.

EDIT: Or... a square. :<

Ah, that. The quality of the art wouldn't matter as long as it's fan-made rather than official. It's a low priority for us (it has to be, given the other stuff we're juggling), but if someone wants to organize an art project for something like this to provide fan art for Squenix bios, it could be a cool idea.

That said, when new mascots have been added recently, they've been replacing the MMX placeholders of the removed Squenix spots, so that's what will happen whenever new ones are added. Currently, there are 17 spots currently using the MMX placeholder, so we'll need up to 17 more mascots at some point. Unless y'all are tired of editing bios. :lol:

Excellent job finally filling out the spots for the 10 newest ones! I really love the mascot bios, this has been a phenomenal project. :-)

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Ah, that. The quality of the art wouldn't matter as long as it's fan-made rather than official.
Oh, alright. But that still only applies to the actual bio pages, doesn't it? We still can't have Squenix characters, fan art or not, in the upper right corner, can we? (I'm not arguing, I just want to make sure.)
It's a low priority for us (it has to be, given the other stuff we're juggling), but if someone wants to organize an art project for something like this to provide fan art for Squenix bios, it could be a cool idea.

It isn't to us, so we'd be happy to do it ourselves. You in, Polo?

we'll need up to 17 more mascots at some point. Unless y'all are tired of editing bios. :lol:

Not a problem. It's just that, "somewhere in wiki limbo, the characters that debuted in Super Mario RPG [among others] live a rather boring life, copyrights and red tape preventing them from doing much else". I feel like I owe it to the writers to make their bios more accessible again, if nothing else. A bio without a mascot isn't much fun.

Excellent job finally filling out the spots for the 10 newest ones! I really love the mascot bios, this has been a phenomenal project. :-)
I'm glad you like it!
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Oh, alright. But that still only applies to the actual bio pages, doesn't it? We still can't have Squenix characters, fan art or not, in the upper right corner, can we? (I'm not arguing, I just want to make sure.)

djp already clarified:

As a side note, for the existing mascot pages, one solution might be employing fan art. We wouldn't reinstate the fan art in the upper right hand corner, but it could liven up the pages themselves.

But yeah, if you and/or Polo are down with making something happen, and some momentum on cultivating good fan art forces us to come up with a visual art licensing agreement, that's cool. Or come up with other outside-the-box thinking on how to de-orphan those Squenix bio pages, though I don't see how that's possible without some sort of mascot image in the top-right.

In the meantime, perhaps it's time for a fall (or winter, given how much free time we have) class of new mascots.

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we'd be happy to do it ourselves. You in, Polo?

Sure. Shall we work out the details in this thread or via PM?

In the meantime, perhaps it's time for a fall (or winter, given how much free time we have) class of new mascots.

I vote for winter, based on my current schedule and the fact that our focus is shifting from writing bios to gathering Squenix images.

well we do have a shiny new art board. perhaps if you go the fanart route, that would be useful to find more local artists who'd be willing to help out.

Not a bad idea.

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I, too, would prefer to wait a few months before adding more mascots. Even so, this mascot image side project will likely need to be run outside this thread (the art subforum would work nicely, if we do decide to go that route. The place doesn't look very active yet), as I suspect it's going to running in parallel with the next set of mascots once we get the ball rolling.

I'll send you a PM, Polo.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey, uh, just letting you guys know, the Megaman X (not the armor one) picture in the top right seems to have a habit of redirecting to other bio pages. I just kind of noticed it once and kept clicking the top right over and over to make sure (X showed up an awful lot).

Oddly enough they seemed to be Final Fantasy/Square related almost the times I clicked on it for some reason. I think they were Kefka, Geno, Cid Highwind, the Turks, Vincent Valentine, Crono, Tidus, and Tifa. I think it may have to do with the little "created by" thing but it still miiiiight have been random coincidence. The fifth one, between the Turks and Vincent actually did go to X, though. It's also worth mentioning that the Square characters didn't actually have their pictures on the page it redirected to, the info was just shifted over to the left where it used to be. And now that I think about it, I don't think I've seen those pictures at all up there lately.

I'm guessing there's been some glitch that just replaced the Square characters' image up there with X's for some reason, but I barely know anything about this stuff so that could be wrong. I dunno, maybe it's my computer's fault but you guys may want to check that out.

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The Square Enix mascots had to be removed due to copyright issues. djp talked about it here.

We're taking steps to rectify this. New mascot images will replace the X-based redirects as they come in (we'll need at least 17 to do so), but we won't get a new batch until this coming winter at the earliest. Meanwhile, Dafydd and I have been in talks about how to liven up the picture-less bio pages with fan art, and once we're set on the rules for doing so, we'll post a thread to let people know all about it.

Stay tuned (and patient) for more.

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Oh, oops. Sorry.

We knew about this, yeah, but we also do slip up sometimes, so I appreciate the effort. Thanks! I'll put something in the first post about this so people know we know about it from now on.

Edited by Dafydd
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  • 1 year later...

NEW BIOS NEEDED!

Liontamer has graciously added placeholder pages for 10 new mascots (whose images will replace Mega Man X soonish). They are:

Tanooki Mario

Professor Layton

Abe

Shantae <-- (I'm claiming this one, thank you)

Ludwig von Koopa

Dart Feld

Saren Arterius

Dark Samus

Joe Musashi

Ryo Hazuki

As always, bios are claimed on a first come, first served basis. If you choose to write one, keep track of your sources (and post them along with whatever you've got so we can cross-check your work), introduce the mascot in your own words, and be mindful not to repeat much of what's in a related mascot's bio (it's gotta stand on its own). For more info, see the writing guidelines.

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