Dafydd

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I can try this: "...as she races Risky Boots for magical artifacts that the latter is after to further her own nefarious plans." That OK?

It's a little on the long and wordy side.

...as she races Risky Boots for the magical artifacts she needs to further her nefarious plans.
is a little better, but I think I'd prefer this small fix for the original wording (addition in bold):
... as she races Risky Boots for magical artifacts critical to halting her nefarious plans.
It should be obvious enough that the nefarious plans are the pirate's (see what I did there?), not Shantae's. You can also skip "halting", actually, just to avoid implying that Shantae needs to use the artifacts to stop Risky Boots, when she really just wants to prevent Risky Boots from getting her hands on them (if I got that part right).
I like to go for brevity whenever possible, but it doesn't hurt to add a few more words of clarity to get certain ideas across.
Agreed, on both counts. Edited by Dafydd

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Not necessarily. In some cases, it's a matter of preference, and some people don't do apostrophe-S at the end of proper nouns/names that sound like plural words.

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/apostro.asp

If you'd verbally say "Risky Boots's boat", do apostrophe-S, but if you'd verbally say "Risky Boots' boat" without the extra syllable, then forgo the S after the apostrophe. In this case, I'd lean away from apostrophe-S because I wouldn't say it that way, but it's not a huge deal either way, and it could reasonably be said either way.

In my experience, my high school AP english teacher was who taught me (out of an MLA formatting textbook) to use 's for proper nouns ending in s if they're not plural. So, Joneses' or Jones's would be how I would do it. I guess it depends on the format of choice (i.e. MLA, Chicago, APA, etc.)

Edited by timaeus222

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If "artifacts critical to her nefarious plans" is clear enough for you, I can roll with it. Third time's a belly dancing charm:

In Sequin Land, Genies have guarded human populations from monsters and other dangers for ages. Their numbers have dwindled over time; however, the code of loyalty they've been known to live by is upheld by their half-Genie descendants. One of these is Shantae, who earns her keep by watching over the fishing settlement of Scuttle Town. When the pirate Risky Boots launches a raid on the port and steals a dangerous relic, Shantae sets out after her in an effort to save all of Sequin Land from the pirate's machinations.

Shantae's Arabian design reflects an arsenal of flashy abilities. Whipping her ponytail is her main tactic for dispatching enemies, but she can equip specific gear that enables her to deliver kicks and elbow dashes as well. She may even find and use pirates' weapons like swords and guns. As one might guess from her outfit, Shantae has a penchant for belly dancing, and by learning specific dance moves, she can magically teleport to a place she's already visited or shapeshift into various creatures. These transformations include a monkey, an elephant, a mermaid, a harpy, and more, each different in terms of mobility, strength, and how they can be used to solve puzzles and clear obstacles.

Because she's not a full Genie, Shantae sometimes lacks confidence in her powers. She often relies on her friends from Scuttle Town for support and guidance as she races Risky Boots for magical artifacts critical to her nefarious plans. No matter the trials, Shantae takes as much as she can in stride as she learns what it means to be a half-Genie and a protectress.

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I'm happy with this version, so go ahead and upload it if you are, too. One down, 24 (or 11) to go!

Edited by Dafydd

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Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the Banjo Kazooie universe. Banjo is a gentle, yet cheerful bear that likes to swim, climb, or even play the instrument sharing his name. Kazooie is an altogether different story. This loud mouthed bird resides in Banjos backpack and likes to insult whoever they meet and brag about its accomplishments. However, Kazooie is not above helping his fellow bear out of trouble, whether it be by flying Banjo around, carry him on its back or even take him through poisonous swamps, given it has access to its customary boots. Together the unlikely pair makes an excellent team.

Banjo and Kazooie sets out on their quest when Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch, kidnaps Banjo's little sister, Tooty, to, with her witchcraft and some high tech machinery, steal Tooty's fabulous looks. Banjo & Kazooie travel through swamps, deserts, and lagoons amongst other places in their quest to find Banjo's lost sister. In their travels, they meet a vodoo priest who turns them into various animals, a mole who teaches them new fancy moves, and perhaps most famously, a burping, crying, pirate hippo who needs help to find his lost gold.

Will they be able to save Tooty, or will the witch be able to finish her "make-over" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Sources

Banjo Kazooie - the N64 game

http://gamesdbase.com/Media/SYSTEM/Nintendo_N64//Manual/formated/Banjo-Kazooie_-_1998_-_Nintendo.pdf

Edited by spajjder
found gramatical errors

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Welcome to OCR, spajjder. :)

- "from the Banjo Kazooie universe" --> Try instead "from the universe of the same name" or "from the game series named after them" or similar (this is so you don't say "Banjo" 3 times so soon in succession)

- You already establish their species names in the 1st sentence. No need to repeat the fact that Banjo's a bear in the 2nd sentence or that Kazooie's a bird in the 4th.

- "Kazooie is an altogether different story" --> Saying "altogether" (and "story") implies you already went way in depth with Banjo when you only listed his hobbies. I recommend saying "Kazooie, on the other hand..." and link it with the following sentence.

- "loud mouthed" --> Loudmouthed is one word, not two. (You can also say loudmouth as a noun.)

- "Banjos backpack" --> "Banjo's backpack" (+apostrophe)

- "brag about its accomplishments" --> Kazooie's a girl, so use "her" instead of "its" (or "his")

- "helping [her] fellow bear out of trouble" --> "help [one] out of trouble" sounds weird, so how about an alternative:

helping her fellow bear

getting her fellow bear out of trouble

helping her fellow bear get out of trouble

helping her fellow bear during times of trouble

- Good start on describing some of B&K's attacks/forms of teamwork. Kazooie residing in Banjo's backpack feels like it belongs here, not earlier, so that you can more easily explore some of their dual moves like Talon Trot, Beak Barge, Stilt Stride, or whatever. This way, finishing with "Together the unlikely pair makes an excellent team" will have more impact.

- Don't forget that Kazooie also plays an instrument sharing her name. (I mean, if you're going to mention Banjo's...)

- "Banjo and Kazooie sets out on their quest when Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch, kidnaps Banjo's little sister, Tooty, to, with her witchcraft and some high tech machinery, steal Tooty's fabulous looks." --> 1) They "set out," not "sets out" (you had it right the first time); 2) Saying the protagonists "set out on their quest" implies that you said what it was beforehand (or that they had a quest to begin with). It would help if you reversed the order of ideas (Gruntilda nabs Tooty before B&K notice and set out to rescue her); 3) Break this long sentence down into more manageable chunks/smaller sentences. You don't want too many commas in there.

- "swamps, deserts, and lagoons" --> You already say Kazooie can carry Banjo through swamps in the 1st paragraph, so choose something else besides "swamps" and "lagoons" here (mountains? beaches? sewers? one of the later levels?).

- "In their travels" --> You already use the word "travel" in the previous sentence (watch the repetition). Maybe "Along the way" or "In different levels/worlds/areas" would be better.

- vodoo --> voodoo (extra O)

- Thanks for introducing the characters without spoiling any major details story-wise. If you choose to focus only on the first BK game, I think you can mention a little more about their world/the gameplay, like how they go into different worlds to collect jigsaw puzzle pieces to fit into pictures in Gruntilda's Lair to open up new paths to progress. Stuff like this can fit in the 2nd paragraph to give the reader a more vivid idea of B&K's mission to save Tooty.

- "perhaps most famously, a burping, crying, pirate hippo who needs help to find his lost gold" --> 1) :-? Captain Blubber seems out of place in this context because the other two (Mumbo Jumbo and Bottles) are recurring characters that help the bear and bird more substantially than with just one jigsaw puzzle piece in one area. (Maybe Brentilda would be a better choice?) You can instead use this space to say that the witch doctor's transformations help the pair reach/pass through formerly inaccessible/hazardous areas, and perhaps briefly describe some abilities Bottles teaches the heroes. 2) That crying hippo pirate didn't leave as much of an impression on me as Game Over Gruntilda did (I'm sure many players would agree ;-)). Speaking of which...

- We don't allow YouTube videos by themselves as sources. You can, however, use a reference that has an embedded video in it as long as the source delivers mostly textual information (example: the Meet the Heavy page linked in the Heavy's bio). Minus the video, you'll need at least one more reference to list. You can use a walkthrough on GameFAQs, a page from a wiki on the characters/game/series (one or more pages from here, if you'd like - just specify which one), Wikipedia, a fan site with lots of game/character info, the developer's official site if it provides similarly relevant info, or something else that stresses thoughtful reading over passive watching.

- Finally, it would help if you hit ENTER twice to leave a line of space between paragraphs for better readability.

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Hello Polo. It is nice to be here.:)!!

Thank you for your advice, it really helps alot.

I'm trying to rewrite it now.

About Captain Blubber, I have to admit he left quite a large impression on me when I first played the game :-) but I see your point.

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Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the game series named after them. Banjo is a gentle, yet cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and even play the instrument sharing his name. While Kazooie also plays an instrument sharing her name, she is a quite different character all-round. Contrary to Banjo's humble attitude, she is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. She also sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack. (Source - game and instruction booklet)

Because Kazooie resides in Banjo's backpack the duo can perform some remarkable moves. Although Banjo can perform some moves of his own, like punching as well as executing a powerful forward roll attack, it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the game's moves become possible. These include the beak barge, the shock spring jump, as well as the firing of eggs. (Source, Instruction booklet, game) Ironically, it is not uncommon that the bird is the one carrying the bear, whether by flying him around, or simply by carrying him on her back, something which actually is both faster and more versatile than the other way around. (Game experience)

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch, becoming jealous of Banjo's little sister, Tooty for her beautiful looks. Gruntilda therefore devises a plan to, with help of witchcraft and some high tech machinery, switch her own looks with those of Tooty's. When Gruntilda put her plan to action and kidnaps Tooty, Banjo & Kazooie set out to rescue her. (Game, instr booklet, wikipedia)

Banjo & Kazooie venture through mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find golden notes and jigsaw pieces that will enable them to get deeper into Gruntilda's lair and find Banjo's lost sister. In their adventures, they meet Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals and Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves. They even meet Brentilda, Gruntilda's better looking sister, who gives them all manner of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Booklet, wiki, game)

The quest awaits, will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "make-over" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

´Note: Now it is quite long... the italics are parts I wonder if they are necessary.

I also wonder, since this a community about remixing game sound/music, would it be relevant to describe that the game is filled with characters who converse using variations of one kind of sound? Where should that be put in if such is the case?

Sources:

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Banjo-Kazooie_Wiki

http://gamesdbase.com/Media/SYSTEM/Nintendo_N64//Manual/formated/Banjo-Kazooie_-_1998_-_Nintendo.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo Kazooie - the N64 game

Edited by spajjder

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First, I'll address this concern:

the italics are parts I wonder if they are necessary.

- Playing an instrument of the same name is a shared action/hobby, so this tidbit belongs more in the context of togetherness/other shared actions rather than "this is character A's personality, and now this is character B's." Try this (changes in bold):

"Banjo [...] likes to swim, climb, and play. In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments."

This way you stay focused on one character's personality/actions at a time while still showing the reader how they differ. Then, if you choose to include the instrument-playing bit, you can have one sentence afterward say something like: "Despite their differences, they have a strong bond at all times, whether they're adventuring or playing instruments that share their names."

- I think the starter sentence in paragraph 2 isn't necessary because 1) it immediately repeats what you end the 1st paragraph with, and 2) Kazooie residing in Banjo's backpack should be enough starter info for when you explain some of the pair's moves.

- If you feel the part about collecting notes and jigsaw pieces is too much in an already long bio, then I won't fault you for not including it. I see you've already added useful details elsewhere.

I also wonder, since this a community about remixing game sound/music, would it be relevant to describe that the game is filled with characters who converse using variations of one kind of sound? Where should that be put in if such is the case?

Clever observation, but IMO I think it's a bit cumbersome/unnecessary. A lot of games have characters speaking "Simlish"/gibberish like that, and it's more of a game design choice than anything relevant to stories or characters.

Now for all the other edits (from the top)...

- "gentle, yet cheerful" --> "gentle, cheerful" (these adjectives aren't really at odds with each other, plus this feels more workable)

- "most of the game's moves" --> "most moves" (since you don't say "the (first) game" beforehand)

- "beak barge, the shock spring jump" --> Remember to capitalize these move names (Beak Barge, Shock Spring Jump)

- "as well as the firing of eggs" --> "and firing eggs"

- "whether by flying him around, or simply by carrying him on her back" --> You can remove that comma with no problem.

- "something which actually is" --> Change this to "the latter of which is" (this goes hand-in-hand with my previous note)

- "little sister, Tooty" --> Either cut this comma or add one after Tooty's name.

- The 3rd paragraph has the names Gruntilda and Tooty appear in every sentence. To change it up a bit, I suggest rewording the 2nd sentence to refer to them as "The witch"/"The former" and "the girl"/"the cub"/"the latter" or something (if you choose "witch" for Grunty, you might want to alter "witchcraft" to "magic" or "sorcery," again for variety).

- "high tech" --> "high-tech" (+hyphen)

- "When Gruntilda put her plan to action" --> "When Gruntilda puts her plan into action"

- "Banjo & Kazooie venture through" --> "The heroes go through/traverse" (because you already say B&K's names in the sentence right before and "adventures" in the next sentence - feel free to come up with alternatives)

- I (still) think "In their adventures" would be better as "Along the way" to stay grounded in the fact that saving Tooty is THE adventure being covered in the bio.

- When talking about the different characters B&K meet, it helps to keep them all in one list instead of going over two and then one more. It'll look like this (semicolons included, plus a few other fixes):

"Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits." (there should a hyphen between "better" and "looking")

- The comma after "The quest awaits" should instead be either a colon or a period.

- "make-over" --> "makeover" (no hyphen needed)

- To reiterate, if you use the Banjo-Kazooie Wiki, use specific pages, not just the main page. For starters, you can link to the character pages for Banjo and Kazooie.

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Woops, sorry 'bout that. Life got in the way :( Yeah, I went a bit overboard with that last paragraph. I'm going to fold it into the main article and skip the rest of it. Better?

Protector of good, heroine to the light, beacon of hope… Dark Samus is none of those. The complete opposite of famed bounty hunter Samus Aran, she has only one basic instinct that drives her every move: find, absorb, and spread the mutagenic material known as Phazon. Anything that tries to get between her and this instinct is bound to experience to full range of her wrath.

When the Metroid Prime entity snatched away Samus’s Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA after a climactic battle in the depths of the planet Tallon IV, it used these as a template to create the being now known as Dark Samus. Because of this, she has a Power Suit-like appearance, including a blaster on her right arm. As she was almost literaly born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use and control this substance to her own advantage, so much so that that she is able to subjugate those infected with Phazon into complete obedience. In Metroid Prime 3, Dark Samus locates and finds a way to control Phaaze, the planet where all Phazon comes from. She is also able to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud which can reassemble at will, making her difficult to kill.

When the Space Pirates first encounter her on the planet Aether in Metroid Prime 2, their logs describe her as “The Dark Hunter”; however, the dark, organic suit and menacing behavior didn’t match their earlier encounters. After witnessing a skirmish between the two Samuses and realising that the two were not only two separate beings but enemies as well, the pirates hoped to use this powerful creature to get rid of their sworn nemesis. This proved idle hope: Dark Samus makes no allies and takes orders from no one. While she does harbor a sense of hatred toward the bounty hunter, she will try to dispatch Samus when it suits her.

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Again, I'm sorry to leave you alone with this, Polo, and thanks for holding the fort. Next week should be a little less crammed (except for the fact we get another 13 mascots this weekend... :P)!

"...or playing instruments that share their names."

Shouldn't that be "playing the instruments"? Without "the", it sounds like they go randomly grabbing instruments they pick up that happen to have their names (there's only one instrument that goes by the name "banjo" afaik, but this sentence makes it sound like there are several). Adding "the" also implies, at least to my ears, however vaguely, that they are likely owners of such instruments.

- "beak barge, the shock spring jump" --> Remember to capitalize these move names (Beak Barge, Shock Spring Jump)

I wonder if wouldn't be a better idea to describe the moves instead of namedropping them?

So, instead of

it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the game's moves become possible. These include the beak barge, the shock spring jump, as well as the firing of eggs.

something like

it is with the help of Kazooie that most of their advanced moves become possible, including mid-air attacks, firing eggs, jumping higher and farther, and even flying.

Also, I think "Ironically" would be better as "True to the humorous nature of their world" or something to that effect.

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch, becoming jealous of Banjo's little sister, Tooty for her beautiful looks.

The plot of the first game, at least. How about

Together, they set out to rescue Banjo's little sister, who has been captured by the hideous green witch Gruntilda Winkybunion. Driven by her jealousy of the young bear's good looks, the witch devises a plan to trade her beauty with her own lack thereof, by means of witchcraft and some high-tech machinery.

It's not perfect yet, but it flows better. Several sentences here are a little too long and hard to read, which I don't think fits the spirit of the first game, at least.

I also think that what is now the third paragraph should switch places with the second to keep the momentum up for a little longer.

These are all suggestions, I'm not completely happy with the wording of it all, but seeing as there are so many other changes suggested already, I may as well wait with anything final.

Now then, Dark Samus. Thanks for the new version, BorgMan.

Protector of good, heroine to the light, beacon of hope… Dark Samus is none of those. The complete opposite of famed bounty hunter Samus Aran, she has only one basic instinct that drives her every move: find, absorb, and spread the mutagenic material known as Phazon. Anything that tries to get between her and this instinct is bound to experience to full range of her wrath.

"Absorb" and "spread" seem like opposites. Which is it? :)

When the Metroid Prime entity snatched away Samus’s Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA after a climactic battle in the depths of the planet Tallon IV

Good work getting less specific about which battle this was, but it still sounds like the reader is supposed to know what "the Metroid Prime entity" (and, actually, "Samus's Phazon Suit" as well) are before reading the article. Maybe "When a powerful alien entity snatched away Samus’s Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA after a climactic battle in the depths of the planet Tallon IV"?

Because of this, she has a Power Suit-like appearance, including a blaster on her right arm. As she was almost literaly

As pointed out earlier, literally.

so much so that that she is able to subjugate those infected with Phazon into complete obedience.

This is a little on the long side...

In Metroid Prime 3

Could we say something like "Much later" instead?

She is also able to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud

How about this?

She also learns how to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud
When the Space Pirates first encounter her on the planet Aether in Metroid Prime 2

I don't know why, but I think mentioning this game is less sensitive this time around, maybe because it's so unspecific about where and how this happens. Actually, looking at the other sentence now, I think it would make sense to say "after a climactic battle in the original Metroid Prime" instead of "after a climactic battle in the depths of the planet Tallon IV".

she will try to dispatch Samus when it suits her.

I don't know if this was on purpose, but I salute you either way.

Edited by Dafydd

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It's okay if life got in the way, guys. Happens to all of us. (I might even be AFK more than I want to since my own schedule just got busy lately. But we'll see.)

Shouldn't that be "playing the instruments"? Without "the", it sounds like they go randomly grabbing instruments they pick up that happen to have their names (there's only one instrument that goes by the name "banjo" afaik, but this sentence makes it sound like there are several). Adding "the" also implies, at least to my ears, however vaguely, that they are likely owners of such instruments.

Well, saying "the" implies they've been noted/described beforehand, and spajjder wasn't sure whether or not to keep the bit about the instruments that early. Also, I think you mean "their" (+i-r) instruments (to show possession).

I wonder if wouldn't be a better idea to describe the moves instead of namedropping them?

Yes to this suggestion and to saying "their advanced moves" instead of "the game's moves."

Also, I think "Ironically" would be better as "True to the humorous nature of their world" or something to that effect.

Better yet: "Humorously"

Together, they set out to rescue Banjo's little sister, who has been captured by the hideous green witch Gruntilda Winkybunion. Driven by her jealousy of the young bear's good looks, the witch devises a plan to trade her beauty with her own lack thereof, by means of witchcraft and some high-tech machinery.

Maybe it's just me, but the order here seems to draw attention/power away from B&K's mission. I think the original wording works fine as it goes from villain's motives -> villain's actions -> heroes' reaction/call to adventure because we see what ultimately drives B&K and root for them.

I also think that what is now the third paragraph should switch places with the second to keep the momentum up for a little longer.

You mean talk about the backstory/Grunty kidnapping Tooty, followed by B&K's moveset and how far they go to rescue her? Yeah, I can see the benefits of that order.

Dark Samus:

"Absorb" and "spread" seem like opposites. Which is it? :-)

Both, according to her official history. BorgMan does mention later how she can "absorb, use and control" it on her own.

- "experience to full range of her wrath" --> "experience the full range of her wrath"

it still sounds like the reader is supposed to know what "the Metroid Prime entity" (and, actually, "Samus's Phazon Suit" as well) are before reading the article. Maybe "When a powerful alien entity snatched away Samus’s Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA after a climactic battle in the depths of the planet Tallon IV"?

To trim it further, how about: "When an alien entity snatched away Samus's Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA at the end of a fierce battle..."

so much so that that she is able to subjugate those infected with Phazon into complete obedience.

This is a little on the long side...

"...at one point able to subjugate those infected with Phazon" maybe?

In Metroid Prime 3

Could we say something like "Much later" instead?

I think the bigger issue is that the sentence it's in is a possible spoiler, and kinda redundant (she can bend Phazon to her will - isn't that frightening enough info without adding that she also comes to control its planet of origin?).

How about this?: "She also learns how to dissolve into a Phazon particle cloud"

I don't think it's something she learns to do - rather, she just does it.

- "When the Space Pirates first encounter her on the planet Aether in Metroid Prime 2, their logs describe her as “The Dark Hunter”; however, the dark, organic suit and menacing behavior didn’t match their earlier encounters." --> I just wanna say bravo on using the semicolon and the word "however" correctly.

- "realising that the two" --> "realising that they" (otherwise you'd have "two" appear 3 times close together)

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Hello Dafydd and Polo. I've changed the text according to your wishes.

I have a question about the italics in this sentence "The heroes traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's lost sister."

Do I need to have both very, and themselves, to make a complete sentence? Does it look better if one of the words are removed, or is it better as it is?

Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the game series named after them. Banjo is a gentle, cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and play. In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. She also sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack. (Source - game and instruction booklet, page 6)

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch, becoming jealous of Banjo's little sister Tooty for her beautiful looks. The witch therefore devises a plan to, with help of sorcery and some high-tech machinery, switch her own looks with those of the cub. When Gruntilda puts her plan into action and kidnaps Tooty, Banjo & Kazooie set out to rescue her. (Instruction booklet pp. 4-5, Banjo Kazooie English Wikipedia - Plot)

Although Banjo can perform some moves of his own, like punching and executing a powerful forward roll attack, it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the heroes' advanced moves become possible, including mid-air attacks, jumping higher and farther, and even firing eggs from Kazooie's beak. (Source, Instruction booklet pp 10-13, game) Humorously, it is not uncommon that the bird is the one carrying the bear, whether by flying him around or simply by carrying him on her back, the latter of which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around. (Game experience, instruction booklet pp 12, 14-15)

The heroes traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's lost sister. Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Instruction booklet, pp. 7, 23-24, 26-30)

The quest awaits. Will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "makeover" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Banjo and Kazooie have starred and appeared in the following games:

Diddy Kong Racing (Only Banjo is seen)

Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo-Tooie

Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge

Banjo-Pilot

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts

Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing with Banjo-Kazooie

For more information, please refer to the following sources:

Banjo Kazooie - the N64 game

(Banjo Kazooie instruction booklet) - http://gamesdbase.com/Media/SYSTEM/Nintendo_N64//Manual/formated/Banjo-Kazooie_-_1998_-_Nintendo.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo-Kazooie

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Banjo

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Kazooie

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Also, I think you mean "their" (+i-r) instruments (to show possession).

I didn't, actually, but that's even better.

Better yet: "Humorously"

Agreed!

Maybe it's just me, but the order here seems to draw attention/power away from B&K's mission. I think the original wording works fine as it goes from villain's motives -> villain's actions -> heroes' reaction/call to adventure because we see what ultimately drives B&K and root for them.
I see your point. We'll leave it as is for now, then.
Hello Dafydd and Polo. I've changed the text according to your wishes.

Thank you!

I have a question about the italics in this sentence "The heroes traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's lost sister."

Do I need to have both very, and themselves, to make a complete sentence? Does it look better if one of the words are removed, or is it better as it is?

I like it as is. I'm more skeptical about "heroes".

Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the game series named after them.

Now there is no reference to the instruments at all. I think that's a shame. Words like "titular" and "namesake" pop up in my head, but it's too late in the day to form coherent sentences with them...

She also sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack.

This "also" could be changed for something that connects more to the previous sentence, to present the fact that she has adopted Banjo as more of an example of her [opposite of humble] nature.

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch
"the", because every plot worth its salt has a hideous green witch in it, or "a", because the reader doesn't know beforehand that the plot involved a hideous green witch? I can't decide.
The witch therefore devises a plan to

This makes it sound as if Gruntilda devices the plan not because she is jealous of Tooie's good looks, but because the plot revolves around her being jealous. :wink:

punching and executing a powerful forward roll attack

There has to be a shorter way to describe that second attack move...

heroes' advanced moves become possible

Again, I'm sceptical of "heroes". "Duo" is better, but you don't want to use that one too many times, either.

including mid-air attacks, jumping higher and farther, and even firing eggs from Kazooie's beak.

"Kazooie's" can be replaced with "her", and there's no good reason not to mention she can also fire eggs the other way.

Humorously, it is not uncommon that the bird is the one carrying the bear

"Humorously, the bird is often carrying the bear" for a few words less.

whether by flying him around or simply by carrying him on her back

I'd cut the "simply". Also, watch the "carrying", it's very close to the previous one.

the latter of which

A little academic, considering the context... Need to think a bit about how to fix it.

The heroes traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's lost sister.
Lost? Didn't they set out to rescue her?
The quest awaits.
I agree this paragraph needs a sentence like this, but this particular wording sound awfully trite.
Will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "makeover" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Once is enough, I think.

By the way,

That crying hippo pirate didn't leave as much of an impression on me as Game Over Gruntilda did (I'm sure many players would agree ;-))

I came back to that level more times than I can remember just to listen to Captain Blubber burping and crying. If I had any say around here, he would be a site mascot of his own! :lol: That said, I think giving him so much spotlight in the bio was a little joke.

Yes... ok. "I can absorb and spread butter." It still sounds wrong. I tried "proliferate", but it does seem like "spread" is the more accurate term.

To trim it further, how about: "When an alien entity snatched away Samus's Phazon Suit upgrade and a bit of her DNA at the end of a fierce battle..."

Sure.

"...at one point able to subjugate those infected with Phazon" maybe?
I'm having a little trouble fitting that anywhere, can you give me the whole sentence? :smile: How about "so much so that she can eventually [completely] control those infected with it". Not sure about "completely" - it's sort of needed for emphasis, but I'd prefer not to have two long, consecutive adjectives like that.
I think the bigger issue is that the sentence it's in is a possible spoiler, and kinda redundant (she can bend Phazon to her will - isn't that frightening enough info without adding that she also comes to control its planet of origin?).

True...

I don't think it's something she learns to do - rather, she just does it.

Because the preceding sentence says "In Metroid Prime 3, Dark Samus locates and finds a way to control", I thought the ability to transform into a cloud was something she gained as a result. If that's correct, I suggest "She also gains the ability to" instead of "She can also".

In closing, dibs on Saren Arterius.

Edited by Dafydd

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Do I need to have both very, and themselves, to make a complete sentence? Does it look better if one of the words are removed, or is it better as it is?

I like it as is. I'm more skeptical about "heroes".

I'm also okay with the text reading "the very seasons themselves."

She also sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack.

This "also" could be changed for something that connects more to the previous sentence, to present the fact that she has adopted Banjo as more of an example of her [opposite of humble] nature.

How about this tweak?:

"In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. Despite her abrasive nature, she sees Banjo as her adoptee and has taken up residence in his backpack."

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, the hideous green witch

"the", because every plot worth its salt has a hideous green witch in it, or "a", because the reader doesn't know beforehand that the plot involved a hideous green witch? I can't decide.

For the uninitiated, "a" works better here than "the" (which is like saying "the witch of the story" like it's expected).

The witch therefore devises a plan to

This makes it sound as if Gruntilda devices the plan not because she is jealous of Tooie's good looks, but because the plot revolves around her being jealous. ;-)

Uh... not quite sure I follow. :/

punching and executing a powerful forward roll attack

There has to be a shorter way to describe that second attack move...

"punching and performing a rolling attack"?

heroes' advanced moves become possible

Again, I'm sceptical of "heroes". "Duo" is better, but you don't want to use that one too many times, either.

Duo, pair, protagonists, bear and bird, adventurers... yeah, there's lots of choices. Any preferences?

there's no good reason not to mention she can also fire eggs the other way

Well, he does say "including (these attacks)" - it's not like he's going over every single move possible (we don't want that anyway), but it can be added via "firing eggs from her beak or out her rear" (or similar) if he wants.

carrying him on her back

watch the "carrying", it's very close to the previous one.

Escorting? Transporting?

the latter of which

A little academic, considering the context... Need to think a bit about how to fix it.

I suggested that because I thought spajjder was referring to the back-carrying Talon Trot, not flying, as "both faster and more versatile than the other way around."

Lost? Didn't they set out to rescue her?

Yeah, it's better to cut the word "lost" from "their quest to find Banjo's lost sister" (since we know she's in Grunty's hands).

The quest awaits.

I agree this paragraph needs a sentence like this, but this particular wording sound awfully trite.

Maybe "The clock is ticking"? (There's no real time limit, but the game does record how long you play, and this can subtly reference Click Clock Wood.) Or how about "The witch awaits"? "The adventure is at hand"? Feel free to come up with other appetizers.

I came back to that level more times than I can remember just to listen to Captain Blubber burping and crying. If I had any say around here, he would be a site mascot of his own! :lol: That said, I think giving him so much spotlight in the bio was a little joke.

Heh, I guess I'm in the minority regarding Captain Blubber then. Ah well. But better to go with popular opinion rather than disputable points, or at least not use words like "perhaps most famously" unless it's clear the bio runs on in-jokes or tongue-in-cheek humor.

"I can absorb and spread butter." It still sounds wrong. I tried "proliferate", but it does seem like "spread" is the more accurate term.

I think that's how she transfers Phazon (keep it in her Phazon body and release it elsewhere). It's not like she carries it around in a backpack or suitcase.

"...at one point able to subjugate those infected with Phazon" maybe?

I'm having a little trouble fitting that anywhere, can you give me the whole sentence? :-) How about "so much so that she can eventually [completely] control those infected with it". Not sure about "completely" - it's sort of needed for emphasis, but I'd prefer not to have two long, consecutive adjectives like that.

"As she was almost literally born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use and control this substance to her own advantage, at one point even able to subjugate those infected with Phazon." (+added the word "even") How's that?

Because the preceding sentence says "In Metroid Prime 3, Dark Samus locates and finds a way to control", I thought the ability to transform into a cloud was something she gained as a result. If that's correct, I suggest "She also gains the ability to" instead of "She can also".

I don't find anything in her history that says she learns how to transform into a cloud. By negating the sentence starting "In Metroid Prime 3..." we save ourselves the trouble of what to do after Dark Samus learns how to control Phazon's home planet. We just know her overt abilities without tracking her growing strength in minute detail.

Edited by Polo

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Despite her abrasive nature

Interesting. I thought this was part of her abrasive nature, that she adopted Banjo not out of kindness but because she thinks he's too much of a dimwit to take care of himself. But if I'm wrong, then let's go with your suggestion.

Uh... not quite sure I follow. :/

:lol:

Ok, so, in spajjder's wording,

A: Gruntilda becomes jealous of Tooie's good looks

B: The story revolves around A

C: Gruntilda devices a plan because of B

But it should be because of A, right? I think this is related to what's called a dangling modifier.

"punching and performing a rolling attack"?

Better!

Duo, pair, protagonists, bear and bird, adventurers... yeah, there's lots of choices. Any preferences?

Not really, I just never thought of them as "heroes". Any of the above is fine by me.

it's not like he's going over every single move possible (we don't want that anyway)

True.

but it can be added via "firing eggs from her beak or out her rear" (or similar) if he wants.

Yeah, that works - it's a short and sweet addition.

Escorting? Transporting?

Yes, good alternatives.

I suggested that because I thought spajjder was referring to the back-carrying Talon Trot, not flying, as "both faster and more versatile than the other way around."

Sure, he was, but the phrase "the latter of which" sounds so out of place. Still, we need to disambiguate between flying and the Talon Trot there somehow.

Maybe "The clock is ticking"?

Yes, that's a clever, but subtle reference to the game itself. I like it!

But better to go with popular opinion rather than disputable points, or at least not use words like "perhaps most famously" unless it's clear the bio runs on in-jokes or tongue-in-cheek humor.

... which has happened before, but yeah, the bio would probably need to be consistently written that way not to have the part about Captain Blubber be mistaken as an objective standpoint.

I think that's how she transfers Phazon (keep it in her Phazon body and release it elsewhere). It's not like she carries it around in a backpack or suitcase.

I know, it just didn't sound right. But OK, I'll defer to your judgement. :)

"As she was almost literally born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use and control this substance to her own advantage, and is at one point even able to subjugate those infected with Phazon." (+added the word "even") How's that?

Without my addition in bold, that doesn't look like proper English. Am I missing something, or did you? :) Anyway, if this really is something that happens "at one point", then this wording is better than my suggestion with "eventually".

By negating the sentence starting "In Metroid Prime 3..." we save ourselves the trouble of what to do after Dark Samus learns how to control Phazon's home planet. We just know her overt abilities without tracking her growing strength in minute detail.

So, basically, scratch "In Metroid Prime 3, Dark Samus locates and finds a way to control Phaaze, the planet where all Phazon comes from"? That works for me.

Edited by Dafydd

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I thought this was part of her abrasive nature, that she adopted Banjo not out of kindness but because she thinks he's too much of a dimwit to take care of himself. But if I'm wrong, then let's go with your suggestion.

I actually don't know the specifics behind why Kazooie "adopts" Banjo. I just figure that if she did that and treats him as a friend, then it's a natural contrast to her "abrasive nature," as I put it.

Ok, so, in spajjder's wording,

A: Gruntilda becomes jealous of Tooie's good looks

B: The story revolves around A

C: Gruntilda devices a plan because of B

But it should be because of A, right? I think this is related to what's called a dangling modifier.

OH, of course. :lol: My mind must've blanked out that time. Yeah, the story is about Grunty stealing Tooty's good looks, not about breaking the 4th wall and reading the plot before doing something sinister. So that paragraph should read more like:

"The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch, targeting Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks. Driven by jealousy, the witch devises a plan to, with the help of sorcery and some high-tech machinery..."

By the way, a dangling modifier has no immediate or clear subject being talked about (or it's referring to the wrong thing). Here, "Driven by jealousy" could be one if the sentence instead continued with the plan as the subject instead of Grunty. I'm not sure if what you were thinking of has a name, but nice catch on "therefore."

Sure, he was, but the phrase "the latter of which" sounds so out of place. Still, we need to disambiguate between flying and the Talon Trot there somehow.

Is one set of parentheses enough to make it clear?:

"Humorously, the bird is often escorting the bear, whether by flying him around or simply by carrying him on her back (this is faster and more versatile than the other way around)." (-removed "actually both" to save on words)

"As she was almost literally born out of Phazon, she can absorb, use and control this substance to her own advantage, and is at one point even able to subjugate those infected with Phazon." (+added the word "even") How's that?

Without my addition in bold, that doesn't look like proper English. Am I missing something, or did you? :-) Anyway, if this really is something that happens "at one point", then this wording is better than my suggestion with "eventually".

See, this is why I appreciate your help. :-) I thought my original wording was complete, but I forgot to check by removing some words and seeing if "she can at one point even able to subjugate those..." made sense. :roll: Including "and is" makes the sentence more solid. Or that clause can be read as: "...and at one point she is able to subjugate those..."

So yeah, I missed something, not you. :lol:

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I actually don't know the specifics behind why Kazooie "adopts" Banjo. I just figure that if she did that and treats him as a friend, then it's a natural contrast to her "abrasive nature," as I put it.

I read the manual a little, and yeah, I see nothing in there to suggest she holds any grudges against Banjo (nor do I remember anything like it from the game), so yes, it's a contrast.

Interestingly, according to the wiki, Banjo is the one who adopts Kazooie, not the other way around. The manual would seem the more reliable source, of course.

Is one set of parentheses enough to make it clear?:

"Humorously, the bird is often escorting the bear, whether by flying him around or simply by carrying him on her back (this is faster and more versatile than the other way around)." (-removed "actually both" to save on words)

The parantheses break the flow, and when I think about it, it should be obvious enough that the bear doesn't fly the bird around. Another option is to put the flying last:

"Humorously, the bird is often the one carrying the bear, whether by hauling him on her back, which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang-glide under her wings as she flies him around."

"Escort", after thinking about it for a while, doesn't imply, really, that there's any carrying going on. I went with "haul" because it sounds like you're carrying something heavy, but other options include "lug", "pack", and, of course... "bear". :roll: I also added back "the one" because I felt like it was missing, and the word count went up elsewhere as well in the process.

I thought my original wording was complete

Well, it's not the kind of mistake I've come expect from you, so I had to make sure, haha.

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"Humorously, the bird is often the one carrying the bear, whether by hauling him on her back, which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang glide under her wings as she flies him around."

I like this rewording, especially with the word "hauling." I can jive with it. Also, "hang glide" apparently doesn't use a hyphen, so I took that out.

other options include "lug", "pack", and, of course... "bear". :roll:

Ha ha ha, beary funny.

Anyway, a new bio appears, yay. A couple of things:

- I tried to stay focused on Ludwig more than the Koopalings as a whole.

- The Koopalings were originally Bowser's kids, but Nintendo retconned it, so I didn't say it in the bio.

Ludwig von Koopa

"How many Bowsers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Ha ha, only one, and he's dying to plunge Mario into darkness!"

ocr_mascot_084.png

== Bio ==

Bowser has always populated his army with eccentric and memorable baddies to oppose Mario. More than once, he's enlisted the help of the Koopalings, seven "miniature Bowser"-like siblings that love to wreak havoc in the Mushroom World by kidnapping Princess Peach, conquering lands, and generally taking what isn't theirs. The oldest of these is Ludwig von Koopa, who shares his name and hairstyle with that of a well-known composer.

Ludwig is one of the most cunning and dangerous Koopalings. In Super Mario Bros. 3, he and his siblings assault Mario with blasts from magic wands they stole from the Mushroom Kings. Thanks to his massive girth, Ludwig can, like his brother Roy, stomp the ground hard enough after jumping to create an earthquake that briefly paralyzes the plumber if he's not airborne. Super Mario World goes a step further and gives the Beethoven-haired Koopaling his own unique attack pattern: he hurls fireballs from his mouth, then tucks into his shell and spins along the ground to knock Mario off his feet. The New Super Mario Bros. titles reveal a battle style similar to that of his first appearance: he shoots fireballs from his magic wand and tries to stomp on his adversary's head.

Depending on the game, Ludwig's abilities may change or be demonstrated by other Koopalings. No matter when or how he's fought, he's sure to compose as much trouble as he can for the hapless plumber.

== References ==

Super Mario Wiki - "Ludwig von Koopa"

Super Mario Bros. 3 instruction manual

Super Mario World instruction manual

Nintendo Power Strategy Guide: Super Mario Bros. 3

Banjo & Kazooie

Rosalina

- I would've preferred the "and" written out (Banjo and Kazooie) to match the style of Toejam and Earl, but no biggie.

- I thought Rosalina was princess. If so, she needs her regal prefix (Princess Rosalina) because Peach, Zelda, and Ruto have it.

Edited by Polo

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"How many Bowsers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Ha ha, only one, and he's dying to plunge Mario into darkness!"

Sometimes, I wonder if we shouldn't source the quotes we use. Mario is Missing, eh? Now there's a game I would have never even known about if it wasn't for emulation...

memorable baddies to oppose Mario

"to stand in Mario's way", but that's just a suggestion.

siblings that love to wreak havoc

The koopalings are persons, sort of, so I'd prefer "who" over "that". But, according to an earlier post, "that" is probably more correct. I don't know why I have such dislike of the word "that", but I do. Maybe it's only because "who" makes reading the sentence out loud easier by allowing you to bounce back from your teeth for one syllable.

Ludwig von Koopa, who shares his name and hairstyle with that of a well-known composer.

If he shares more than one thing, shouldn't it be "those" rather than "that"? Or would that instead imply they share more than one name and more than one hairstyle? By the way, I wonder why it's Ludwig von and not Ludwig van. Hmm.

Ludwig can, like his brother Roy, stomp the ground

How do you feel about "Ludwig, like his brother Roy, can stomp the ground"?

hard enough after jumping

"hard enough when landing a jump", for accuracy? They're not two separate moves, as far as I know.

Depending on the game, Ludwig's abilities may change or be demonstrated by other Koopalings.
Sounds a little bit too much like a legal document in its current wording. Also, I move for "other Koopalings, but no matter" instead of two separate sentences.

On a final note,

No matter when or how he's fought, he's sure to compose as much trouble as he can for the hapless plumber.

:nicework: I'm trilled to have such A major key player on staff.

I would've preferred the "and" written out (Banjo and Kazooie) to match the style of Toejam and Earl, but no biggie.

It says "ToeJam & Earl" on the box, so if we changed it there, we should do the same for Banjo & Kazooie, too, yeah. Edited by Dafydd

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Sometimes, I wonder if we shouldn't source the quotes we use.

Hm. Maybe. I see quotes as a teaser for/hint of a mascot's motives or personality and a way to get the reader interested enough to keep going. Sourcing the quote may or may not be obstructive depending on how it's presented. I do try to make sure quotes come from video games or instruction manuals, not TV shows, movies, fanfics, or other derivative adaptations (but the Marvel comics mascots can use comic-originating quotes).

"to stand in Mario's way", but that's just a suggestion.

I'll take you up on your suggestion.

The koopalings are persons, sort of, so I'd prefer "who" over "that". But, according to an earlier post, "that" is probably more correct. I don't know why I have such dislike of the word "that", but I do. Maybe it's only because "who" makes reading the sentence out loud easier by allowing you to bounce back from your teeth for one syllable.

Like I said in that post, going with "that" rather than "who" is kind of based on personal preference. Maybe I just put too much emphasis on the importance of "who," although nothing's lost by using it when talking about the Koopalings, so I'll side with you on this one. I'll also try to be more mindful of the times I use "that."

If he shares more than one thing, shouldn't it be "those" rather than "that"? Or would that instead imply they share more than one name and more than one hairstyle?

I'm pretty sure "that" can refer to the totality of what another has, i.e. their stock. "I share a computer model, internet connection, and browsing history with that (the compared collection) of my neighbor." Then again, "those" works just as well, even if for some reason I keep doing a double-take when I read it that way (maybe I automatically think "wait, what else did I miss?").

By the way, I wonder why it's Ludwig von and not Ludwig van. Hmm.

Maybe it's a misspelling or a way to not shame Beethoven too directly? I dunno.

How do you feel about "Ludwig, like his brother Roy, can stomp the ground"?

It feels like a sudden pause right after another ("Thanks to his massive girth") that boxes him in and makes him almost inferior to his brother. Saying "Ludwig can" before the pause is like a more open cliffhanger that, when finished, satisfies the tension set up. It also feels more like he's being compared to Roy rather than following in his footsteps, IMO.

"hard enough when landing a jump", for accuracy? They're not two separate moves, as far as I know.

"Landing a jump" sounds a bit too similar to "[stomping] the ground" - both involve feet contacting earth once more. How about "hit the ground hard enough after jumping" to avoid the idea that Ludwig simply stomps his feet when standing?

Depending on the game, Ludwig's abilities may change or be demonstrated by other Koopalings.

Sounds a little bit too much like a legal document in its current wording.

If the "demonstrated" part is what's throwing you off, I thought it was a little weird to say abilities might "show up in/be in the hands of/be given to" other Koopalings. What do you think?

Also, I move for "other Koopalings, but no matter" instead of two separate sentences.

Feels smoother, sure.

:nicework: I'm trilled to have such A major key player on staff.

This is one of those times when I wish OCR had an :applause: emoticon (or a :thumbsup: or a :highfive: or something). So I'll just send a :nicework: right back at ya. ;-)

Duck Hunt

You mean they're actually called "Duck Hunt," not Duck and Hound? :-? You might wanna slow down a bit, Larry.

Also, is there a way to display every article link in the Mascots category? For a moment I thought Yoshi, Yuna, Zero, and other "end of the alphabet" mascots were gone until I clicked "(next 200)" at the bottom.

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Banjo & Kazooie are the famous Honey Bear and Red Crested Bregull duo from the game series named after them. Banjo is a gentle, cheerful soul that likes to swim, climb, and play. In contrast, Kazooie is a loudmouth who likes to insult whoever she meets and brag about her accomplishments. Despite her abrasive nature, she sees Banjo as her adoptee, and has taken up residence in his backpack. (Source - game and instruction booklet, page 6)

The plot revolves around Gruntilda Winkybunion, a hideous green witch, targeting Banjo's little sister Tooty's beautiful looks. Driven by jealousy, the witch devises a plan to with the help of sorcery and some high-tech machinery, switch her own looks with those of the cub. When Gruntilda puts her plan into action and kidnaps Tooty, Banjo & Kazooie set out to rescue her. (Instruction booklet pp. 4-5, Banjo Kazooie English Wikipedia - Plot)

Although Banjo can perform some moves of his own, like punching and performing a rolling attack, it is with the help of Kazooie that most of the duos' advanced moves become possible, including mid-air attacks, jumping higher and farther, and even firing eggs from her beak or out of her rear. (Source, Instruction booklet pp 10-13, game) Humorously, the bird is often the one carrying the bear, whether by hauling him on her back, which is actually both faster and more versatile than the other way around, or by letting him hang glide under her wings as she flies him around (Game experience, instruction booklet pp 12, 14-15)

The protagonists traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister. Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Instruction booklet, pp. 7, 23-24, 26-30)

The clock is ticking. Will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "makeover" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Banjo and Kazooie have starred and appeared in the following games:

Diddy Kong Racing (Only Banjo is seen)

Banjo-Kazooie

Banjo-Tooie

Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge

Banjo-Pilot

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts

Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing with Banjo-Kazooie

For more information, please refer to the following sources:

Banjo Kazooie - the N64 game

(Banjo Kazooie instruction booklet) - http://gamesdbase.com/Media/SYSTEM/N...-_Nintendo.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banjo-Kazooie

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Banjo

http://banjokazooie.wikia.com/wiki/Kazooie

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Duck Hunt

You mean they're actually called "Duck Hunt," not Duck and Hound? :-? You might wanna slow down a bit, Larry.

No, that's right. http://youtu.be/OjIBCYcZuyk?t=1m43s

In Smash 4 (where I got the image from), this teamup is called "Duck Hunt," so that's their name. In Europe, they're called Duck Hunt Duo. The team consists of a duck and a hound.

http://www.ssbwiki.com/Duck_Hunt_(SSB4)

http://supersmashbros.wikia.com/wiki/Duck_Hunt_(SSBWU/3DS)

Also, is there a way to display every article link in the Mascots category? For a moment I thought Yoshi, Yuna, Zero, and other "end of the alphabet" mascots were gone until I clicked "(next 200)" at the bottom.

Can inquire with djp, but AFAIK, no. Will check, but unsure there's a quick way to change that setting. The limit of articles in a category before pagination is 200.

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That vs those

I honestly thought "that" was incorrect there. Interesting.

Maybe it's a misspelling or a way to not shame Beethoven too directly? I dunno.
Yeah, me either...
It feels like a sudden pause right after another ("Thanks to his massive girth") that boxes him in and makes him almost inferior to his brother.
I agree, I didn't think of that. OK, leave it as is.
"Landing a jump" sounds a bit too similar to "[stomping] the ground" - both involve feet contacting earth once more. How about "hit the ground hard enough after jumping" to avoid the idea that Ludwig simply stomps his feet when standing?

I think the real problem is that I think doing something "after jumping" as doing something after landing, not just the after lifting off. Since you wrote it the way you did, I'm probably wrong. "hit the ground hard enough after jumping" works. Just out of curiosity, though... would "land hard enough after jumping" imply bodily injury on Ludwig's part?

If the "demonstrated" part is what's throwing you off, I thought it was a little weird to say abilities might "show up in/be in the hands of/be given to" other Koopalings. What do you think?
Yes, a little weird. How about "Ludwig's abilities differ from game to game [or, between games], and are sometimes demonstrated by other Koopalings, but..."? It sounds a little more natural, I think.
This is one of those times when I wish OCR had an :applause: emoticon (or a :thumbsup: or a :highfive: or something).
Well, I did some research on the :nicework: guy and it looks like it was mostly used sarcastically back in the days of unmod. I hope I haven't hurt too many people's feelings by using it sincerely... :wink:

OK, spajjder, thanks for sticking around!

First of all, I still don't like the second paragraph. Saying "The plot revolves around" breaks the fourth wall unnecessarily, and the paragraph lacks flow and doesn't fit well with the surrounding ones. I still think it's a good idea to bring in the plot as early as the second paragraph, but it needs a little more work to fit in. I'll get back to how shortly.

duos'

duo's

mid-air attacks, jumping higher and farther, and even firing eggs from her beak or out of her rear.

I want the mid-air attacks after the jumping higher and farther, but then we run a risk of the egg firing being interpreted as a mid-air attack. Hmm...

The protagonists traverse mountains, deserts, and the very seasons themselves in their quest to find Banjo's sister. Along the way, they meet such characters as Mumbo Jumbo, the voodoo priest who turns them into various animals; Bottles, the mole who teaches them new fancy moves; and Brentilda, Gruntilda's better-looking sister, who gives them all manners of gossip of Gruntilda's disgusting habits. (Instruction booklet, pp. 7, 23-24, 26-30)

This paragraph would feel better in the future tense, I think.

The clock is ticking. Will Banjo and Kazooie be able to save Tooty, or will Gruntilda be able to finish her "makeover" and doom Tooty to hideousness?

Again, you have "be able to" twice in close proximity. How about "Will Banjo and Kazooie save Tooty in time"? ... and even then, you have "Tooty" twice in the same sentence, which I'd like to avoid if possible.

Btw, I just realized I've written "Tooie" instead of "Tooty" in several posts above. :roll:

Edited by Dafydd

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