Dafydd Posted January 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I can try this: "...as she races Risky Boots for magical artifacts that the latter is after to further her own nefarious plans." That OK? It's a little on the long and wordy side. ...as she races Risky Boots for the magical artifacts she needs to further her nefarious plans. is a little better, but I think I'd prefer this small fix for the original wording (addition in bold): ... as she races Risky Boots for magical artifacts critical to halting her nefarious plans. It should be obvious enough that the nefarious plans are the pirate's (see what I did there?), not Shantae's. You can also skip "halting", actually, just to avoid implying that Shantae needs to use the artifacts to stop Risky Boots, when she really just wants to prevent Risky Boots from getting her hands on them (if I got that part right).I like to go for brevity whenever possible, but it doesn't hurt to add a few more words of clarity to get certain ideas across.Agreed, on both counts. Edited January 20, 2015 by Dafydd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.