djpretzel Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) Not a style we see a lot of; not a great ending, but some cool stuff going on. -djp --- Hello OCRemix: I would like to submit this track. Link to Track: Artist Info: Remixer name: Smooth4Lyfe Real name: Joey Ofori Website: http://www.youtube.com/smooth4lyfe UserID: 33213 Submission Information: Name of Game Arranged: Sonic CD Name of Arrangement: Palmtree Paradise Name of Original Song: Palmtree Panic Created with: Fruity Loops & Studio One Info about the track: This is the smooth remix to “Palmtree Panic” from Sonic CD. I call this the Smooth Future version. Chill and lay back to this jam! Enjoy! Smooth4Lyfe Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/smooth4lyfemusic YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/smooth4lyfe CDBaby: http://www.cdbaby.com/artist/smooth4lyfe Edited December 30, 2016 by Liontamer closed decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 OCR RnB, I like it. It's something that is very underrepresented, so I appreciate the effort that went into this. This arrangement oozes with style, with the smooth drums and SFX sprinkled throughout. I like the atmosphere that the synths put out; the entire track just has a warmth to it that really captures the old school RnB flavor. All that being said, there's still some work to do on this before we could post it up. The central samples are not well used in this. That flute is incredibly mechanical: every note is played the same, and there is literally no attempt to emulate phrasing at all. Flutists need to breath, and they need to shape their lines to accommodate for this - their phrases are played much more legato due to this, with small pauses at the end of each phrase to give the musician a moment to breath. Listen to some jazz flute performances or classical flute concertos (or solos) to get an idea of how this sounds in practice, and learn to emulate this on your sampler by adjusting the attack, volume and release envelopes. It's especially crucial when it carries the lead for as long as it does - it acts as the centerpiece, and it doesn't perform up to snuff as it stands. The brass sample sounds pretty underwhelming, too. I mean, that's more of a Roland brass patch, so I can chalk that up to being stylistic to the old school genre, but it sounds less 'stylistically' dated and more just... dated in this track. You should probably use a different patch for the brass sound, but that could be personal preference. The soundscape really doesn't go anywhere on this track. I mean, I love the smooth atmosphere, but it just seems to stay in the same place for the short time that the song is there, then it just ends. The track is short so it doesn't quite wear its welcome out, but the static nature of the arrangement is noticeable. The ending really doesn't do much for the track, either - there's really no sense of finality at all. It just sounds like you ran out of time to finish it off and let the instruments all just finish playing their line and stop. The mechanical instrumentation needs work, and the ending needs work. It would be better if the arrangement didn't just do the same thing for two minutes, but what it does is pretty cool, so I think you could get away with the static arrangement as long as you fixed the other two issues. RnB is pretty underrepresented on OCR, so I'd like to see this track fixed up and resubmitted sometime! NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 The brass sequencing at :38 was pretty rigid. Same with the mallet perc first used at :45. And Gario's got you dead to rights on the flute lead at :57; the sample itself is fine, but the sequencing is awful with the same attack every time and rigid timing. You've got a nice sound pallette here, but samples themselves don't get it done if there's no humanization. I agreed with Gario feeling that the soundscape was static, but it was more laid back and did have some subtle dynamic changes, like the dropoff of the beats from 1:35-1:55; it could use more in the way of dynamic contrast, not simply by making things dramatically wilder or less intense, but through subtle yet more frequent variations of the textures. That said, it's suitably transformative with the treatment of the theme, and I also agreed with Gario that what's here might ultimately be fine anyway as long as the sequencing was improved. Agreed with djp on the ending; it just cut off with 0 resolution, so you've got to write an actual ending. "Smooth" is in your handle, so you've gotta live up to the handle and smooth this out with some major detail work. Good start though, Joey, but don't be sloppy or uninterested in the detail work that will take your writing (and realize your creative vision) to that next level. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir_NutS Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 I was pretty onboard with this until the brasses and flute lead popped up. You had a real nice bass texture going on and pretty catchy drum sequencing but it seems like the main instruments got no detailing on the performance aspects. I see the other votes mentioned static soundscape... which didn't bother me much, I think you got your structure right, with proper buildups and breakdowns. I do take issue with the ending, which makes this track feel like a WIP rather than a complete song. Making a remix as short as 2:30 is possible... but I would recommend to take it a bit further so it feels more cohesive. Overall I think Gario and Larry pointed out the main issues I have with this so I won't be repeating those again. If you manage to fix these, then you'll have me onboard for the rest of the song and not just for the intro.NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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