Gario Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Hi OC Remix, I'm sending another music submission!I submitted an orchestral arrangement to the catalogue a long time back, but it wasn't accepted due to it being too short and not sufficiently developed. That was a few years ago, but I'm back with another submission, this time an electronic, D&B flavored remix of the main theme from the indie game Papers, Please by Lucas Pope. Contact Information: ReMixer name: Vonyco Your real name: Forest Muran Your email address: Your website: Vonyco.com Your userid: 52078 Source Game: Papers, Please Name of Arrangement: Red Anthem Name of Song Arranged: Papers, Please Main Theme System: PC Original Composer: Lucas Pope Personal Comments: In this remix my intention was to capture the drudging, yet militaristic energy of the original piece, as well as transmute the sardonic bitterness of the game's atmosphere into electronic sounds. The resulting remix remolds the form of the original, dividing its linear outgrowth into steel-hard electronic solos that playfully juggle the Slavic, folk-flavored themes of the original piece. I hope your judges enjoy the remix, and I look forward to hearing back from you guys! Thanks for your time, Forest Muran Edited February 11, 2017 by Liontamer closed decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindWanderer Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Well, this is... interesting. The transition at 1:36 doesn't come completely out of nowhere--there is a quiet rise that leads into it--but the transformation is so total, especially coming over a minute and a half in, that it's really jarring. The other transitions from synth to orchestral are smoother, but that first one really needs to nail it, and probably come sooner in the arrangement, to avoid such a shock. Other than that, my main concerns are with the instruments used. The static accompanying the kettle drum seems to be intentional, but it just sounds like a really poor sample. The exposed kicks from 1:20-1:32 also just sound like noise--in isolation like that it literally sounds like my headphones aren't securely plugged in and are popping. The snare at 1:37-2:45, especially from 2:11 on, is pretty generic, loud, dominating, and distracting. The horn-like synth at 2:07 is also very vanilla and sounds dissonant with the part leading into it; when it returns at 3:29, there are also a few moments that sound off-key. Same for the synth at 2:58 and other places. There are some interesting, creative ideas here, but ultimately I don't think the orchestral and synth elements blend well together, and I think some more care needs to go into the sound design on the synths. Keep at it, though! NO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liontamer Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 I remember listening to the original version back when you first submitted it, so it's good to hear you back with a more fleshed-out version. I like the harpsichord opening transitioning into the familar theme. Not sure why the soundscape is so lossy-sounding though; when the lead comes in at :40, it sounds like there's no high end to it. The exposed voice cameo at 1:00 was odd, and seemingly had no purpose to it, but better to be bold with ideas, since I'm hearing a lot of fun sounds sprinkled throughout (including the voices later on). Really odd then having the soundscape suddenly become very sharp at upfront at 1:36; didn't make any sense compared with the previous section. The beats from 1:36-2:45 & 2:53-3:28 were too flimsy and barebones, especially during the more fast-paced areas (1:56 & 2:13), so it's unfortunate the backing writing didn't fill out the soundscape enough. That's a shame, because while the synths and sounds used upfront were fairly generic, they were used in creative ways. It's not enough to constantly be morphing and changing the textures (which was a strong positive here), you just need more sophisticated and/or fuller-sounding textures. The clicking from 3:28-4:30 was too loud & upfront, which distracted and detracted from the otherwise-creative orchestral & synth combinations you were using. Not trying to be insulting in any way, but I'm really not sure why you would think that clicking wasn't just crowding out more important elements; see whatever works better with either pulling this back or removing it entirely. Nice slowdown at 4:30 going to the close, including the droning sound that you combined with the organ. There's a lot of positives in terms of evolving these textures, so props on the creative approach to arranging this theme. If you can improve the beat-writing, and then re-balance 3:28-4:40 section, the execution would be more consistant and cohesive. Making the section at :40 not sound so lossy, or at least creating a legit transition from lossy to sharp around 1:36 would also be a nice touch. Very promising so far though, Forest. Even if you don't get passed with this arrangement, the potential is there for either another revision of this one, or a different piece. Definitely don't be discouraged, you're moving well in the right direction. NO (resubmit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gario Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 That opening and build... it's a solid base to build on. Then the synth at 0:40 comes in, which didn't mesh with what you established. It's more of an illusion of space more than anything - that synth did not sound like it was recorded for the same song, with all that hollow sounding reverb layered on top of it. Definitely agree that the transition at 1:36 came from out of nowhere, too - I didn't hear anything that lead me to believe that was where the song was going at all. I could continue to talk about the strange synth combinations and such, but I think the others above covered that well enough, so I'll focus instead on a few parts that really stood out in a great way. The first forty seconds of the track really set up the atmosphere effectively - that haunting harpsichord and walking timpani set up the listener for something powerful. 3:28 - 4:30 has so much mass behind it without actually sounding cluttered (the hats were still distracting, though, as Liontamer said), and the increase in tempo was an effective way to build tension. The ending was also a great way to release all of that energy, with they dying arpeggio and subtle bass. The source is quirky, and this approach ranges from regal to quirky itself (which doesn't necessarily work in your favor, as the piece does sound a bit unfocused), but I'm with the others when they say the beats are pretty bare and that the synth work is vanilla. When it's clicking on all cylinders it really has me going, but there's too much that I feel I need to wade through in order to get there. Hopefully you'll find some of what we said on here useful, though. NO timaeus222 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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