Hoo boy. Where to begin on this one?
Let's list a few issues:
- first, the source is hard to listen to, with that panning all over the place. (not your fault, of course, but worth noting.)
- like the source, the remix has almost no structure, nothing in the way of buildup, breakdown, ebb, flow, etc.
- honestly, this sounds very much like a direct MIDI rip, with almost no variation on the original--just a different set of sounds.
If you revisit this, you'll want to sit down and build a proper arrangement that has a beginning, an end, and discernible structure. You'll want to actually arrange the original to some degree, rather than just copying it note-for-note, and you'll probably want to upgrade your production approach a bit as well, since that whole "hard panning quickly" thing is hard to listen to.
There's a lot more I could say, but I don't want to do all that typing. This should be enough to work on for now. If you want extra insight, the Workshop forums are always a great place to start!
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