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Everything posted by Dafydd

  1. Just wanted to say I got the FC3A a few weeks later, and it's everything I could have hoped for. The pedal springs back just like a sustain pedal would, the signal is clear and noise-free, and it doesn't need calibrating very often. Thanks again for the tip, mister!
  2. Oh, you were serious about "the umpteenth time"? Haha, I thought that was a placeholder... it sounds a little subjective, don't you think? "Its energy source" works better, yes. I was actually thinking there'd be a way to work the first paragraph into the bio, but later in it... and I tried to reword it, but it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be: Eh, I'm not completely happy with this, either. Perhaps your version was better, what do you think?
  3. Sorry for the wait, Reading it again now, it really feels like the second paragraph is just a parenthesis and that the bio is really about Mario. This is really just how I feel about it though, knowing Mario that much better than Rosalina (despite recently having a sitdown with the first hour or so of the game), but I'd still like to make Mario the parenthesis and let Rosalina shine in the first paragraph by leaving a brighter star (Mario) out of scope until later. Haha, interesting choice of words... Yes, I think that would be a good idea. I'm not sure exactly how to word it, so throw what you have at me.
  4. Reading this all through now makes me feel like the first paragraph detracts unnecessarily from the character at hand. I feel like the entire second paragraph reads fine without the first, and puts Rosalina in the spotlight. The first paragraph would have to be rewritten to fit between the second and the third, though. Does it seem like too much work? I can give it a try, in that case.
  5. Me too. It also sounds like something you'd write Let's pick that one.
  6. The reason is convenience - I only use the pedal briefly and putting the pedal back off "manually" is inconvenient and unlike every other pedal I've used, including hi-hat and kick pedals on drums, the pedals in a car, and the pedals on a piano. I never learned to use an expression pedal and I don't like using it, so I want a pedal that feels like what I'm used to but that still has "continuous control", as in the FC3 case. It'll be a few weeks before I get mine in the mail (shipping from Japan, bleh), but again, FC3 seems to be just what I'm looking for, so thanks. Depends on how you map it, but the FC7 is designed to be off when the heel is down. I've jammed some plastic foam under the heel part so I can push it with my toes instead, but like I said, the plastic wears out and I prefer the feel of a sustain-type pedal anyway. I only have 2 pedals: a sustain pedal, and the FC7. Yeah, you'd think they would give MIDI Expression some competition, at least.
  7. Okay, but I'd like to avoid getting off-track, and if adding the reiteration is necessary to do that, then I think it should be added, unless we can figure out a way to rephrase things. Hm, is "at the observatory" correct when the observatory is a spaceship, as opposed to an observatory in a fixed position on the ground? What if it was a naval vessel, for instance? On the other hand, "on the observatory" also sounds a little odd. Does it come down to what the Comet Observatory actually is, an observatory, or a ship? And on that note, is it an observatory for (watching) comets, or an observatory on a comet? I wasn't aware "wields powers" was a problem, thanks for the info.
  8. It is, a Korg microKontrol. The keyboard only has one pedal input, and it's for sustain pedals (mono plug). I mostly use it for vibrato on single notes, or toward the end of the note, especially for synth leads or synth bass. That's why I want a pedal. Well, I'm a keyboard player, and I do. I find non-springback mod wheels about as useful as non-springback keyboard keys or non-springback clutch pedals. Thanks for mentioning the FC3 - I did some research and "continuous sustain" seems to just what I'm looking for! The FC3 has the same kind of connector (stereo plug) as the FC7, so it most likely works just the same. The MIDI Expression thing comes with software that can route the pedal input to the CC of your choice, so it'll work with pretty much anything. I'll probably buy an FC3 or FC3A, then, once I figure out the difference between the two. Thanks again! EDIT: Still, it's a little strange these things still aren't available as USB devices...
  9. Nice, do it. Does it? Hm. "... from which she gazes upon myriad galaxies, and where she raises little star babies..." makes a long sentence, and "from which she gazes upon myriad galaxies. She raises little star babies..." disconnects the two sentences a little too much... Does "... from which she gazes upon myriad galaxies. Here, she raises little star babies..." change the location from the galaxies to the observatory? "... from which she gazes upon myriad galaxies. At the observatory, she raises little star babies..."? I'm just throwing a few ideas out. No, it's fine, I think. A comma might help, but I don't see where one can be added without changing the meaning. By the way, would "wields" work as a replacement for "demonstrates", or would that imply that she's powerless without the wand? Parentheses it is, then.
  10. Me too, I'm curious what it is that makes this a security issue. Thanks for getting back about it, though.
  11. Glad to be back, I just hope I can stay here for long enough this time! Yes, let's go with that. Oh, okay. No, keep it as is. That's true, I felt like I forgot who I was reading about several times already. What about "and other astronomical/celestial objects"? Oh, you already used "celestial body" in the previous sentence. Can you think of another equivalent? I just think "and more" sounds like a semi-uninspired sales pitch, somehow. In order to bring more focus on Rosalina, maybe we can change the actor of the previous sentence: "... from which she gazes upon myriad galaxies. There, she raises little star babies called Lumas, who look up to her as their adoptive Mama and journey with her until they mature into actual stars..." By the way, "actual stars"... You can't well say "mature into mature stars", "adult star" is just plain wrong, and the apparently proper term "main sequence star" is too technical and sounds like an unexplained game feature. But it also doesn't feel completely right to call them "actual stars". Any ideas? Fair enough. That works, but then, why not "the creation of a force field"? Or can she create several, but smaller ones? That works, too, but it feels like parentheses make it seem like the clause consists of possibly irrelevant details, or information for uninitiated readers ("oh, and if you don't know what Star Power is, ..."), and the whole bio is supposed to be written specifically for those people. Am I making any sense, haha? I'd just prefer to avoid the parentheses, but it's definitely not a big issue. Yeah, better. Sure, I just thought we could make this one... shine. Yeah, it's not really a problem with having enough information, but about giving an introduction from a character perspective and not just a technical game mechanic description.
  12. I bought this Yamaha FC7, a well-spoken-of expression pedal, that I've hooked up to my computer using this: http://www.audiofront.net/MIDIExpression.phpThis works okay, but the signal from the pedal is noisy, it needs calibrating every time I restart my computer, and the built-in spring only kicks in at the very end of the range, where the signal is even more noisy (I've checked, the noisy signal comes from the pedal, not the MIDI Expression USB thing). I've tried to create my own "spring" by inserting plastic foam, but it wears out quickly and doesn't spring back reliably anyway. I also don't find the FC7 very comfortable.What I want is a pedal that behaves like the mod and pitch wheels on my keyboard, one that springs back to 0 when I let go, and that doesn't need calibrating - ideally one that looks and feels similar to my M-Audio SP2 sustain pedal, but "analog" (like a mod wheel) instead of "binary" (like a sustain pedal, which is either on or off). I've been unable to find anything like this online, and I'm puzzled. Browsing expression pedals online, it seems like "no spring" is a feature in itself.I'm getting so desperate for a solution I'm considering buying another SP2 and modifying the hardware into a modulation pedal myself. Another solution would be buying a USB racing wheel and using the pedals as a MIDI controller (I've done this with gamepads in the past, for fun) - those pedals do spring back, and they don't need calibrating. They take up way more space than an SP2, though!Does anyone have any ideas or know of a pedal that does what I want?
  13. Yeah, me either, my toolbar looks like yours. @Liontamer, where, relative to the "Bold" button is the "Source" button supposed to be? I'll have to assume it shows up on your machine.
  14. Hey Polo, thanks for sticking around! I'd agree everyone should already know who Bowser is, but I still think this would read better if he was given some... attribute or title before the name. Like "the evil dinosaur Bowser" or so. I'm not really used to the word "Mama" in this context. I'm curious - how come you picked this word over "mother", for instance? Am I missing a nuance here, or does it simply go better with "adoptive"? Is there a spoiler here? Maybe we can flesh out "and more" a little without actually revealing anything? I think it should be "levitation and creation", or "levitating and creating". What do you think about "such powers as levitation and the creation of force fields powerful enough to surround the entire observatory, making it appear like a natural shooting star"? Here, you can figure out that Bowser, not the comet, makes off for the center of the universe, but it's far from unambiguous. Replacing the commas with dashes would fix that, but it might not look very good, I'm not sure. This sentence feels a little long. Nice work, but for some reason, I feel like the bio lacks a little energy, somehow... I'm having a little trouble writing up the bio for Duck Hunt, because it's a story about games rather than characters. I have some ideas, though.
  15. I can no longer find an "upper left icon in the posting container". I haven't been around much lately, so I have no idea when this happened, but it's very inconvenient. Why would you remove a feature like that?
  16. Well, that certainly took longer than I expected. It's not that I haven't had 5 minutes to spare here and there, it's that I needed more time to sit with this to actually figure out what it is I want fixed, and how. Again, "content-wise, it's fine, but somehow, it feels like a number of facts being presented in sequence". What I meant by "no story" was that even though there's plenty of content, it doesn't feel like it was bound together as a coherent story. I realize, in retrospect, that "there's no story there" was perhaps not the best way of trying to say that. Anyway, thanks to your breakdown, I finally have a number of things that I've nailed down as problems, and I have solutions to some of them. First, Iwao is apparently an important figure in Ryo's life, but I understood that from your explanation, not from reading the bio. Maybe it should be obvious from the facts that there's a family dojo and Iwao is Ryo's father, but I think if you want to make the reader understand how influential Iwao was, he needs to be brought in earlier than the sentence where Ryo finds him fighting off an intruder, or given more space in the other sentence where you say he's "distraught by his father's death". Try to elaborate some more on their relationship to help the reader relate to the situation. I'm having trouble doing that myself, if only because the situation itself is so alien, what with fathers fighting off intruders in the family dojo and all, and so neither names nor characters stick with me after reading the first paragraph, and I'm left without context, because what happened in the first paragraph was a barrage of characters and things, named and unnamed, that I'm not used to hearing about. I'm not entirely sure how to fix this, unfortunately. Second, "Lan Di took it by force" feels dry, somehow, or matter-of-factly. Same with "Ryo had barely enough strength". I'm missing prepositions, conjunctions, that sort of thing. On the other hand, maybe you wrote it this way because that's how Ryo would have put it, self-disciplined as he is (I'm only guessing now, of course). Here's an attempt to improve flow a little bit: There's a few too many commas in there, and it looks funny with the 4 capitalized words around the period, but I think you get the idea. "Starting in his hometown Yokosuka, Ryo freely explores anything" still sounds too much like a selling point on the back of the cover, and almost cheery in comparison to the previous sentences. No easy fix there, here, though. "are members of gangs, or even the Chinese mafia" makes it sounds less like the Chinese mafia are gang members and more like a gang of its own. "He often questions a defeated opponent" could be "he often interrogates", but that's only a suggestion. The second and third explain or elaborate on the first one, but having the periods the way they are now makes it feel like only the second one does, and not really the third. Here's my suggestion: I still don't feel certain about how to use colons and semicolons after all these years, so feel free to point out mistakes there. In other news, I hereby claim Duck Hunt.
  17. Thanks for laying it out for me, Polo. I'll get back to you really soon, sorry for the wait... In other news, 2 days ago, this thread turned 10 years old. As for the project, I'm not entirely sure, but it might be today!
  18. Not bad! 'Lay' is past tense of the 'lie' in "lie down", while 'lied' is past tense of the 'lie' in "tell a lie". Maybe, some people use 'lied' for both, and you're one of those people? Yeeeah, let's not.
  19. I'm really, really sorry I've been gone for so long. Ugh life. Anyway, One reason why I've taken so long is that something about this bio feels wrong, but it's been hard to pin down what it is. It "lacks flow", but I know that kind of remark is of no help to you. Content-wise, it's fine, but somehow, it feels like a number of facts being presented in sequence, but there's no story there. Also, the transition between the first and second paragraph is a little jarring, somewhy. Since I can't seem to help you any further, if you don't agree with any of my concerns, feel free to upload it in the wiki.
  20. Thanks. Yeah, I prefer that over an ellipsis. I tend to overuse those, myself Now that we've settled that, would you mind posting a new version of Ryo, in full? No, I don't think Skull Kid needs changing, I just noticed now that I felt the ending didn't feel like an ending there either. Apparently I didn't mind it as much, back then.
  21. Thanks for sticking with us, Chernabogue - I've marked you down as done, but I haven't uploaded anything yet. Sounds a bit too much like selling points on the back of the cover. If you remove "in real time", it could work. Yeah, I meant the sentence, not the actual events. Yes, that's better. It actually ends "Although the people of Termina, and Link himself, have reason to fear and hate the Skull Kid, his fairy friend Tatl maintains a different perspective. She believes that the mask completely possessed the forest imp, deepening the anger and loneliness he felt after some of his closest friends abandoned him one night and didn't come back." In that context, the last sentence isn't as depressing. Anyway, we both agree bios don't need to end happily, and I think what's actually bothering me is that it doesn't really feel like an ending (and neither does Skull Kid, now that I read it). An ellipsis instead of a period would make it feel different, but I'm not sure that's a good idea.
  22. Well, if it's all the same to you, I vote for "the time of day". Right. What I'm saying is, it shouldn't be necessary - "These include" doesn't need to be followed by an exhaustive list as far as I know. Alright. Yeah, I like "specialized", especially in this context, where we bring up the benefits of specializing, so let's go with that. Yes, "fortunate" and "obtain" are better suggestions. Thanks! It's nice to be able to suggest an improvement you're still not entirely happy with and have someone else improve on it further Haha, I see. Well, I still feel the same way about the bio. Maybe if you were to mention the city where the action takes place and something about the style of the game... Doesn't need to be long, only that he explores the city of Yokosuka and meets people ("He uses what few leads he has to track Lan Di [...], gaining clues from various people and locations", and reading that, I thought it was kinda deep for a fighting game, but I still thought that's what it was). The sentence "Ryo could do nothing but hold Iwao in his arms as he died" feels short and somewhat unengaging in light of the ones surrounding it. Also, the ending is kind of depressing. Maybe it's not a bad thing. It's just that just about every bio we have so far (as far as I can remember) ends on a high note, and this doesn't.
  23. Isn't it "the time of day" in this context? Or is this another one of those which-side-of-the-puddle-you're-on kind of things? ... "but some of them don't"? Polo, this may be idiomatic English, but it's ambiguous and kind of strange. It already says in the previous paragraph that there are 8 forms, not 2, but if that's not enough to leave out the "Some of", wouldn't it be better to write "Eevee's new forms include the Electric type Jolteon and the Attack-oriented Flareon, among others" or "Among Eevee's new forms are the Electric type Jolteon and the Attack-oriented Flareon"? Come to think of it, are any of these forms really "new"? The last sentence, although beginning with "Nonetheless", doesn't seem to contradict of the one before it. How about "Nonetheless, a trainer lucky enough to acquire [or is there a more suitable verb?] one can make Eevee the trump card of a powerful Pokémon team."? Polo, I'm a little short on time right now, but I'll get back to you about Ryo within 12 hours. For now, all I can say is I thought it was a Tekken character until the last paragraph, just because that's what I thought it was before I even started reading
  24. Arrow wrote me and said he wouldn't be able to finish Shulk. Given all we had so far was a rough draft, I've let it go back to unclaimed. I haven't written Chernabogue yet, so I'll do that now. If he doesn't have time to do it in the next few days, I suggest we wrap it up ourselves - there's not a lot left to fix anyway.
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