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Everything posted by Dafydd

  1. Alright then - it did seem out of character. Maybe I'm just on edge because of real life stuff... Roger that, marking it down in the first post. Good point. Sure. I'll send one to Chernabogue, too, now that we've settled on the Eeveelution sentence. EDIT: Chernabogue said he'd be back in a few days, Arrow probably next week. EDIT2: Nothing so far. I'll send another PM after the weekend if I haven't heard anything by then.
  2. Sorry for the long wait. Well, that was my own exact wording, so no. I can't recall the last time you were being sarcastic about something I said, but the spider sense is definitely tingling now that you brought this up twice... :/ Also, for the third time, "horrible events from taking hold of the island" is just fine, so there's no need to change it one more time. Nope, all good to go! I agree that simpler is better in this case, and about "name" being a better word than "denomination". This would be more accurate, though: "The group of resultant Pokémon in this unique Evolution tree have been given their* own name: Eeveelution." *[has been given its? Again, "Eeveelution" refers to both the group and any of the members in it]
  3. Sure does. I need to get back to reading more books and less... documentation. Right, just "to stop horrible events" would be incomplete. The options I had in mind were "to stop destruction from taking hold of the island" and "to stop horrible events from unfolding on the island". You chose the middle ground, which is cool, but not what I'd expected or intended. Still, like I said, I'm totally fine with the wording you chose, and I really prefer it over "upsetting the balance on the island", which I don't think really gives the impression that anything very bad is going to happen. I've been putting off answering this until I could come up with a better term, but Bulbapedia (which was listed as a source for the bio) writes that "An Eeveelution is a term used for the current group of eight Pokémon that evolve from Eevee. It is a portmanteau of the words "Eevee" and "evolution". Its definition may be extended to include Eevee itself." If I'm reading that right, the term doesn't refer to a process or a system, but to a group of Pokémon, and/or possibly to any of the 8 (or 9) Pokémon in that group. This is the only way "denomination" makes sense, too, I think - as a word for a group of something. The sentence starts out as if referring to the system of factors though, not the group of Pokémons. EDIT: Wait, maybe the original wording isn't so bad after all, then. The only issue is that "This interesting ramification" refers to the factors that determine the resulting Pokémon, not the Pokémon themselves, but if the sentence was changed to "The ramifications of this unique system have been given their own specific denomination: Eeveelution.", "ramifications" would still refer to the Pokémon, and stuff would check out. It might still not be very clear, though... Is this what was your intention, Chernabogue?
  4. This could be an issue of which side of the Atlantic you're on, but I'm pretty sure that should be "manner" in singular, regardless of whether the thing it's a manner of is in singular or plural. "All manner of things" gets 10 times as many hits as "All manners of things" on a Google search, and for "all manner of" versus "all manners of" the factor is about 30. That's a new expression to me, I think. I thought it had to be "about her past". Interesting. That's not what I had in mind, and I have to admit it sounds unusual to me, but I can't say it's wrong. If you want it that way, it's fine by me. Next, Eevee. Thanks for getting back to us so quickly, Chernabogue. "once or twice into another" sounds a little backwards, but "into another once or twice" also doesn't sound quite right. I'd also like to get "in their lifetime" in there somehow. Once again, I'll have to defer to Polo on the matter of colon usage and capitalization. Is this correct? Now there's a word I've been meaning to look up for a long time, but haven't until now. If the definition I found is anything to by, then I'm not sure it's being used correctly here. The fact that the transformations require different preconditions is not "something that is the result of an action, decision, etc."; the form that Eevee transforms into is. I think "greatest strengths; it is relatively" would be nice, but I'm not sure it's correct. Polo? You only need to write "Pokémon trainer" the first time. After that, "trainer" is enough. Don't overuse the word "trainer" though - it's in there 4 times. It's either "Some of Eevee's new evolved forms are" or "Eevee's new forms include", not both. We went over this in a previous comment - this reads like a manual.
  5. This was bad-ass! I know you marked this as finished, but here's a few notes, maybe to keep in mind for your next ReMix, since you probably won't be making any changes to this thing: When you play the bass solo in the intro, you play Eb Bb Eb F Gb, but in the original it's Eb Eb2 Eb F Gb, i.e. an octave up from Eb, not a fifth, and I prefer the original in that respect. Also, in the part that at 0:58 to 1:10, you could make things more interesting by having the choir fade out to a much lower level during the first beat of the even measures, and then crescendo during the last beat of those measures to the point where they're louder than normal, like this: 0:58 G minor - choir at normal, static volume Db minor - choir drops in volume during beat 1, stays low for 2 beats and then crescendos during the last beat G minor - choir at normal, static volume Db minor - choir drops in volume during beat 1, stays low for 2 beats and then crescendos during the last beat 1:04 G minor - choir at normal, static volume Eb minor - choir drops in volume during beat 1, stays low for 2 beats and then crescendos during the last beat G minor - choir at normal, static volume Eb minor - choir drops in volume during beat 1, stays low for 2 beats and then crescendos during the last beat 1:14 or vary it up some other way. The guitar also ends very abruptly at 1:14. It would be cool if the last two notes it plays echo with 1/2 delay time, slowly decaying for 8 seconds or so as the bass plays its thing, until it going away completely a few seconds before the main theme kicks in again at 1:27. Personally, I would have preferred slightly louder drums.
  6. I miss the energy of the original, and the... trombone (?) thing isn't helping. The drums are pretty interesting though! Where is the screenshot from, say?
  7. Stuff is out of tune all the way from the start. Cool move playing this on a violin, though!
  8. I like the arrangement, and the guitar work is excellent imo. The bass could be a lot more interesting - it has the same velocity and notes throughout.
  9. I don't think so at all. I think this would work just fine: "Thanks to her air tank, she can stay submerged in water indefinitely. Compared to Quote, Curly has a less sturdy constitution and requires more time to rest up after a trying battle or a shock to her systems. Nevertheless, Curly's resolve never falters, and both robots have each other's backs when they're together. Little does she know just how intertwined their destinies are..." But if you want to change second final sentence, that's fine with me too. "Destructive events" also sounds a little dull, almost like a programming term. I would much prefer "destruction from taking hold of the island" (the first 4 words of that quote gave me only 2 hits on google, so either I'm good at avoiding clichés, or I'm doing something wrong) or "horrible events". Thank you kindly for the elaboration, I appreciate it! Good point. Then let's go with that. Depending on convention, putting something in italics merely indicates that it's the first time that something is mentioned, not that it's a game, specifically. I forgot our convention was that it does mean it's a game. Sorry about that. I'd like to see a new version with my clearer wording added, and then do something about the number of "Pokémon" occurences. I realize that means the bio will need another revision, but how many bios have made it through on the third attempt so far? I'll write Chernabogue and see what's up, it's been almost a week since he got feedback from both of us. I also wrote Arrow about Shulk, and it looks like he'll need some more time. I told him we'll get our other WiPs done first, and then I'll ask him again.
  10. Lol @ profile picture

    1. Dafydd


      I thought it was djp at first because he looked familiar, but then I remembered

    2. Meteo Xavier

      Meteo Xavier

      Thank you. At first I had the Facebook blank picture to confuse the shit out of people, but it got deleted somehow. So I chose this one as the next logical progression.

  11. Meh. Alright then. Quote marks will do nicely, so go with that unless you have a better idea. Reading the bio again, without reading Quote's first, I get the sidekick feeling a lot less than I did the first time. If you change the last sentence just slightly so it reads "little does she know" instead of "little do they know", this will keep the focus on her a little more. "bringing harm to many" sounds a bit lame, don't you think? How about "out to stop terrible events from taking place on the island" or "out to stop a madman's sinister plans from unfolding on the island" (not sure about that last part)? Really? I didn't realize. I looked up a few example usages of "all the while", and none of them gave me that idea. Interestingly, Wiktionary (not the best source, perhaps) says that it's "frequently used to indicate that deception was occurring during the period at issue", but I don't think it has to indicate that. If amnesia is normally a reason to stop being caring, yeah, that would work. The original wording implies so as well, I think, but that also sounds like she's not suffering from it all the time. Just to set the record straight, how would changing it into "even when" instead of "even while" change the meaning of the sentence? I'm not suggesting you do it, I just wanna hear how you think it changes the meaning. Does it say anything about how often or for how long she suffers from amnesia? By the way, "critters native to the island of Cave Story" sounds to me like the island itself is called Cave Story. I could be mistaken, but shouldn't it be "critters native to the island where the events of (in?) Cave Story take place" or similar? It's clunkier, though, so I hope not. Wouldn't it have to be "Being what is called a Normal type Pokémon"? I like that better than my earlier suggestion, though. I think so too, but it's not clear when I read that sentence that that's what it meant to say.
  12. I didn't. Any other ideas? Anyone else have this problem on Android? Were member titles (e.g. "For Everlasting Peace Director", "Mascot Bio Project Co-Editor & Director") clickable in the past? That would be a useful feature (click "For Everlasting Peace" or "Mascot Bio Project" to go to their respective threads/project pages). Also, I still can't edit the title of a thread I started, currently residing in the Projects forum, and I still don't understand why. Btw, what are the little gray bullets that pretty much everyone seems to have above their postcount?
  13. So that's what that button does. Alt messages are for winners. You, sir, get my first like. In chrome, on Android, using the "full version" of the page, I do get the raw editor in the reply form, but with no means of switching to the WYSIWYG one - there are no buttons at all in the form.
  14. Is there a way to get back the old "raw" mode where I could see the actual code instead of this WYSIWYG editor? I need to be moving stuff around a lot, cutting quotes into smaller pieces and stuff, and this editor makes that a lot more difficult than it used to be (I really dislike WYSIWYG editors in general, but I actually have a good reason for it in this case) Also, the mobile version (on Chrome, on Android) only gives me buttons for "Prev" and "Next", which, in a thread with 50+ pages, makes it really hard to navigate. A "First" and a "Last" button would be nice.
  15. [DISCLAIMER: This new forum software is giving me a headache. Does anyone know how to get raw mode so I can make quote tags manually and get rid of strange formatting? Until I find out, my posts are going to be a little messy.] Thanks for the updates, guys. @Polo: Unless you really mean that the guy is known as "the Doctor bent on enslaving said race", I vote for a comma after "Doctor". Quote looks good otherwise, good job! It's been a few years since I played that game and I don't think I could have come up with that much to say about Quote if I tried. Curly Brace's bio really reads like a sidekick character description in comparison. Maybe it's not a problem, but it feels as if she's not allowed to stand on her own two legs, and that her bio is incomplete without Quote's. Or maybe I only feel this way because I read Quote's bio first...? Also, according to Curly Brace's bio, Quote is "out to stop a catastrophe from erupting on the island", and I didn't really get that idea reading Quote's bio. "even while she's suffering from amnesia" sounds a little strange. How does "all the while suffering from amnesia" compare, do you think? Moving on... I like this suggestion better, because the first one is so opinionated, and because this clearly lays out that "evolution" in the Pokémon World isn't what it is in the real world, and it helps explain why it's capitalized throughout the bio when it normally isn't. You write "Evolution is the process by which a Pokémon changes into a different, usually stronger, creature", but later on, you write that "A Pokémon trainer may prefer to raise its Evolution(s) instead". The trainer doesn't raise processes, obviously. I suggest "to raise one of its evolved forms instead" as a replacement. "While more conventional Pokémon only evolves a maximum of two times, Eevee can transform into eight different creatures," but no one ever said the number of times a Pokémon evolves limits the number of creatures they can evolve into. You need to somehow clarify that the normal chain of evolution is a linear one before you can contrast the two. "Eevee's new forms most notably include the swift Jolteon, the mysterious Umbreon, and the newly-discovered Sylveon", and for most people, these names are far from self-explanatory, and this sentence will amount to little more than namedropping. Polo wrote (and I italicized) and I think there's room to elaborate a little more here. "Newly-discovered", especially, is an insufficient description of Sylveon - I'm left wondering what kind of creature it is. "Being of Normal type, Eevee has few weaknesses but also few exceptional strengths", but a person who doesn't know much about Pokémon wouldn't know what a "Normal type" is. Don't take too much for granted, and remember who you're writing for. I think "Being of what is called the Normal type" should do it in this case. "One should pay attention to which form Eevee may change into" - First, bios aren't supposed to read like manuals, and we tried to avoid this kind of wording back when the Pikachu bio was written. Second, I don't really understand what you mean by "pay attention". Will Eevee evolve spontaneously into a form you don't want if you don't pay attention, or do you mean players need to be careful about which form they choose to let Eevee evolve into (because they won't get that many chances)? I don't know enough about the game mechanics to tell at this point. The very last sentence reads a little backwards, I think. Sorry if I'm coming off too harsh, Chernabogue, but this new forum is making me lose my temper...
  16. In Chrome (Version 42.0.2311.135 m), grabbing the "Drag to resize" handle at the bottom right of the reply form causes the window to scroll up, resulting in the selection of stuff elsewhere on the page and generally annoying behavior. This does not seem to happen in Internet Explorer or Firefox, nor does it happen in Chrome when in the "More Reply Options" view. Also, pasting in the reply form causes the form to scroll so that the text you pasted (and the cursor) ends up at the bottom at the form, which is super annoying if the cursor was somewhere else when you hit paste.
  17. I sure hope so. Can you imagine what this forum will turn into if people are allowed to have 1920x1080 animated .gif avatars?
  18. That's true, the bio is mostly backstory and very little about Shulk himself or his personality or abilities. It reads more like an introduction to the game's universe than to Shulk. I was too drawn in by backstory to even notice I think it helps explain how there can be a bridge between the two worlds in the form of the sword that one god impaled the other with. But then again, the bridge isn't all that relevant in the end. The contents of the first two paragraphs should be distilled into the length of the first, and the length of the current second and third paragraphs should focus on Shulk. With that in mind, there may not be enough room for such details.
  19. That explains why no one else has posted anything in this thread since 2013 Thanks! EDIT: Will we still be limited to .gif? Can't think of a good reason not to allow for .png, but I guess that's already been brought up...
  20. I can't tell you how much I appreciate being told bad news over getting no news at all. Thanks for the update. I like it - it's dramatic, but not silly. You already know it's rough, so I won't nitpick at this point, but I want to point out 'live' near the end of the first paragraph, which should be a 'lived' to keep the tense consistent throughout the first and second paragraphs. Also, , but how? You said it was a gigantic sword, wielded by a god, so how is Dunban holding that? Did it shrink? This might need a little bit of explanation. Maybe Monado should even be introduced somewhere in the first paragraph.
  21. Indeed, thanks to BorgMan and spajjder for staying with us, and apologies for the long time I took. Marking down your claims, Polo.
  22. Alright. I uploaded both and added both writers to the list on the category page. Figured it was about time I did that, I think it's been years since last time... I might have missed some italics at some point or made other mistakes, so feel free to have a look. Final versions, for reference: http://ocremix.org/info/Banjo_%26_Kazooie http://ocremix.org/info/Dark_Samus Also, I think you were done with Knuckles: I sent a PM to Arrow about the Shulk bio, also.
  23. Like I said, I'm OK with it, but I do think it feels a little strange. I've tried every other combination of commas I can think of, and nothing felt like an improvement. Dashes around "a hideous green witch who speaks in rhymes" would work, maybe, but I'm not sure that's how you're supposed to use dashes, at least not in English. Even parentheses would do the job, but I don't think the clause is parenthetical in its content. Is "vice versa" too technical or academic? Come to think of it, I seem to remember reading that phrase the very first time in the DKC manual (another RareWare game). *googles* Yeah, it's on page 11. Twice. For what it's worth... Roger. Wasn't sure.
  24. Freelancer icon: #1 original (cropped semi-transparent pixels) #2 mix between #1 and #3 #3 sharpened version of #1 I can try to put this on a background if you think the edges are too sharp. There's also a 38x44 version, but it looks like the 32x32 rule is still in effect despite at least one avatar breaking the rule.
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